What's Going On with Boys?

This week's summary is What's Going On with Boys? It was written by an independent school teacher who’s a parent of a young girl and a younger boy.

The article provides an overview of the gradual decline over the past 15-20 years of boys’ academic performance in schools.

The prevailing culture of school today is often a mismatch for a lot of boys. 

First, boys’ brains mature later than girls, even in the preschool years. Girls on average have an easier time adjusting to the expectations of school, especially the emphasis on self-regulation, attention, and self-control.

Second, boys are generally more physical than girls, yet most school classrooms, particular in public schools, over the past 20 years have become more sedentary environments with little movement or recess time.

Third, with the ubiquity of technology, boys out of school spend a lot of time playing video games and are susceptible to social influencers who may espouse anti-social, misogynistic, hyper-masculine beliefs. Hence, boys can fall victim to dangerously poor role models.

Fourth, boys’ lack of readiness (both academically and social-emotionally) results in them lagging behind girls from early on in school. The current college graduation rate of female (60%) versus male (40%) is sobering evidence.

While there are no simple solutions for this, a very important need to help boys in school is the development and constant presence of strong relationships with their teachers. And the author reminds us that ultimately it’s up to us adults to develop these relationships. Some ways to do this are for teachers to show an interest in what boys do outside of school, to provide scaffolding to support boys’ emotional development, to allow some latitude for boys’ (mis)behavior, and to make all students a partner in expected classroom behavior.

At Trinity, we are clearly at an advantage in that many of the above recommendations are already utilized by our teachers.

Still, all of us need to be more mindful of the difference between boys and girls and avoid the negative bias about boys.

Joe

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When my daughter started kindergarten in 2021, she came home with stories about her new and wonderful experiences: what she was learning, who her teachers were, what the other kids were like. Almost within days, she began telling me another part of the story. 

“The boys are always in trouble,” she’d say.

“The boys are always at the teacher’s desk.” 

“The boys are so loud and distracting, I can’t concentrate sometimes.”

I began to worry about my then 3-year-old son. What was in store for him in two years’ time?

As both a parent and an educator, I felt compelled to answer this question: What’s going on with boys in school?” And as I researched and learned, the answer became clear: Boys are not doing as well in school as girls. 

In Of Boys and Men, Richard Reeves provides evidence to back up this claim. Boys are twice as likely as girls to say that school is a waste of time, three times more likely to be expelled, and two times more likely to be suspended. In reading, girls are ahead by about one grade level, and reading and verbal skills are a strong predictor of college matriculation. So it should come as no surprise that young men attend and graduate from college much less often than young women. In 1972, 57% of college graduates were men; by 2022, only 42% of college graduates were men.

As I learned more and more about these alarming trends, I reflected on how rarely schools have explored issues that affect boys. By understanding what’s going on with boys—how their brains develop and what they are experiencing in today’s world—we can meet the moment to provide effective support for boys’ success inside and outside the classroom. 

One clue to help us understand what’s going on with boys in school lies in the significant differences in the timing of brain development of boys and girls. The first major gap in brain development occurs around kindergarten. One study shows that by age 5, girls are 14% more likely to be school-ready than boys. In Raising Cain, Dan Kindlon and Michael Thompson describe typical young boys as having “high activity, impulsivity, and physicality.” This behavior is “often seen by teachers as something that must be overcome for a boy to succeed in school.” 

So from their very first school days, many boys are starting off on the wrong foot. This is exacerbated by female teachers being more likely than male teachers to view boys in their class as disruptive, while male teachers tend to have a more positive view of boys and their capabilities.

The gap between girls’ and boys’ brain development widens drastically during puberty. A typical girl’s prefrontal cortex matures about two years before a typical boy’s. The prefrontal cortex plays a role in planning, strategy, and executive decisions, inhibiting primal survival responses, and regulating emotional states. This offset in brain development and executive function has a direct impact on boys’ educational outcomes. Study after study suggests that the best-performing students are ‘good’ students … who have high levels of self-regulation, which is exactly the area where boys display, on average, a deficit compared to girls during adolescence. 

In The Anxious Generation, Jonathan Haidt, identifies two other sources of boys’ recent struggles in school: diminishing independence and free play; and massive amounts of time online, playing video games, using social media, and learning about masculinity from what is called “the manosphere”—a miasma of bloggers and influencers often hostile to women and feminism. Manosphere influencers have large followings including teen boys. They advocate a limited vision of what it means to be a man. According to a recent report “the more a man subscribes to cultural norms about manhood that support emotional repression, self-reliance, dominance, and control, the less mentally strong and adaptable he is.” The more likely he is to have higher rates of depression, anxiety, and bullying and sexual harassment of women.

In the face of these challenges, what can schools do? A study concluded that teachers need to cultivate a positive relationship with their boys. Even when boys make this challenging, it is crucial that educators overcome their own frustration and remind themselves that the relationship is their responsibility, not the boys’. 

The study painted a picture of a successful independent school teacher of boys, one who: employs transitive teaching (“the capacity of some element in the lesson … to hold student attention in a way that leads to understanding and mastery;” builds a strong relationship; shares a common interest; accommodates a measure of opposition; is willing to reveal vulnerability; and holds students to high standards.

Alongside the academic program, schools must also reconsider advisory, counseling, and co-curricular programs with boys in mind. Schools must provide the space, instruction, and practice so that boys can develop a wide-ranging emotional vocabulary to both understand themselves better and communicate their feelings more effectively. For boys of all ages, we should constructively channel their high activity level and give them positive ways to express it. 

These are the first steps in a journey to help boys identify and create what Reeves calls “a prosocial masculinity.” Kindlon and Thompson suggest several concrete strategies for formulating this identity: Talk to boys in ways that honor their pride; be direct with them; cast them as partners in problem-solving; teach them emotional courage; use discipline to build character, not to alienate or humiliate; model and practice emotional attachment; and teach boys that there are many ways to be a man. 

My journey into understanding the struggles boys are facing in schools today started from a personal place of concern for my son, but we should all be concerned for all our boys. Equipped with knowledge of the current state of boys and some strategies to point the way forward, I am confident that independent school educators can work together to change the story. As my children make their way through school, I hope they will tell me more stories about energetic, engaged, emotional, courageous, and awesome boys.