Thursday, May 27, 2021

Thank You For an Unforgettable School Year

 The final article summary of the 2020-21 school year is Educators Share the Best Teaching Advice They've Received.

It’s fitting for the final summary of the year because it captures the vital values we need to embrace in order to guide and educate our students and to find the balance of the personal and professional in our lives. 

I’ve been in education since 1980, and while I’ve had ups and downs (mostly ups) and seen many new ideas come and go (and a few good ones stay), the past 14 months have indisputably been the most challenging and fretful of my career. 

I consider myself fortunate that I am optimistic by nature, one of the values listed below. The 24/7 demands and the frustrating fits and starts of the past year tested me--and all other optimists. I kept expecting the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel, but until a few weeks ago that light proved elusive. There’s an old Lou Reed song with the chorus ‘You need a boatload of faith to get by’: we needed a flotilla of faith this year!

But, as I said in yesterday’s end-of-year meeting, we did it! We did it in exemplary fashion! We did it together as one community! And, most importantly, we made a difference in the lives and education of our students!

There aren’t appropriate words to thank all of you for tireless efforts, endless imagination, gymnastic flexibility (another value below), iron-clad unity, and indefatigable positivity this year! 

As we gradually begin to put the 2020-21 school year in our rearview mirror and over time can start to reflect on it with the lens of perspective, we will swell with pride in what we accomplished. We were tested individually and collectively and we rose to the challenge and emerge from the tunnel stronger than ever.

But for right now, let’s enjoy a physically and emotionally restful break to replenish our soul and spirit

Enjoy summer and our readjustment to normalcy!

Joe

Classroom management: Will what I am about to do or say bring me closer or will it push me away farther from the person with whom I am communicating? Sometimes—not often, but sometimes—I can lose my temper a bit with a student. Each time that has happened since I read that line, I have been able to remember that wise piece of advice and shift gears. Obviously, it would have been better for me not to get upset in the first place, but, of course, I am only human.

Flexibility: The most important teaching advice I have ever received and I now give is to “be flexible.” Flexibility is the quality of bending easily without breaking. In my 24 years of teaching, I’ve learned that successful and happy teachers are ones who are flexible—flexible in their thinking, in the way they teach, and in their response to situations. As much as I enjoy being a teacher, I don’t think I could have lasted this long if I had not learned to be flexible. For, as much as you plan out your day and your lessons, there inevitably will be disruptions and distractions that will pop up. I always come to school prepared for the lessons I’m going to teach that day, but I’ve learned to go with the flow if there are any changes. I’ve learned to adapt. The pandemic we are experiencing at present is a perfect example of teachers being flexible. We’ve had to adapt to a new way of teaching—from working with students in the classroom to teaching virtually through the computer. We’ve had to learn to use different programs to record lessons that teach content effectively while also being engaging. We’ve had to come up with ways to motivate our students at a distance. In this situation, teachers who have a flexible mindset fared better than those that have not mastered this skill.

The Best Version of Themselves: Simple, yet profound: See people for better than they currently are and always believe that they are doing the absolute best that they can. This advice works for teachers working with kids, teachers working with other teachers, instructional leaders working with their staff, and quite frankly, it works with every human being who has the privilege of engaging with another human being. I truly believe that when we have the mindset that people are giving us the very best version of themselves at the given moment, it changes how we behave. Couple that mindset with the belief that we can all get better, AND we have the unique and profound opportunity of trying to help others grow into a version of themselves that is better than their current iteration, is to me the essence of education and leadership. We are all unfinished, and in education and leadership, we have the privilege of being a small part of people’s continued growth. Keeping this in mind will always provide a direction and a motivation for any teacher, and as a result, it is the most important piece of advice I can possibly provide to anyone lucky enough to be a part of the world’s greatest profession.

Do What You Know Is Best for Kids: Teaching has changed so much since I began in 2004. However, some of the best advice I ever received was to go in your room, close the door, and do what you know is best for kids. I have seen what feels like a million fads come and go, all in the name of research, fidelity, and increasing student achievement. These can all be good things, but ultimately, you know your students and what they need. Sometimes, what they need is a fun activity that helps them connect with one another and feel less isolated. Sometimes what they need is to go outside and learn in the sunshine, because they have been cooped up all day and are stressed. If you always have the intention of doing what is best for kids, regardless of the fads that come and go, you will be doing just fine. One more piece of advice? Stay out of the gossip mill. If someone will talk to you about someone else, that means they’ll talk about you to someone else, too. Don’t get sucked into that negativity ... our job is too big and too important, and the kids need you. Rise above all that and keep it professional! Anything else is just wasted energy.

Maintain High Standards: A high-quality education is not going to come from repeated practice in packets and worksheets. The lessons that are planned need to be rigorous and engaging while providing scaffolds that allow students to learn at a high level. All students deserve the opportunity to be challenged and take part in a productive struggle that helps them take ownership of their learning and build their confidence. In order for this to take place, teachers need to have deep content knowledge and be ready to implement a variety of instructional strategies that will support student learning.

What Benefits the Student? The most important advice I was ever given came in the form of a question. In my early teaching years, I struggled over a grade for a student which would doom the student’s opportunity to succeed. Though I can’t remember the details, the grade question was being determined by the everybody-on-the-same-page grading rules. In seeking advice, my department chair asked me, “What would be the best course of action for this student?” Not only did that make my decision crystal clear (the student would in no way benefit if I placed the rules above my concern for the student), but I appreciated the wisdom of the question. It shaped my behavior toward all of my students from that point forward and is still the guiding principle in all issues which arise both in and out of the classroom: What benefits the student?

Capture Multiple Perspectives: The best lessons I have learned on my journey as an educator have emerged from my experiences as a learner. As a member of a marginalized group, it was not until I approached my graduate studies that I was able to pinpoint reasons why I always felt I never actually “fit” in any of my educational contexts, not even at the university level. It was in graduate school that I realized that my peers and my professors didn’t really understand me as a covered Palestinian Muslim female beyond the stereotypical me presented in mainstream media and had approached me with that lens. The feeling that I was having was that of an outsider, that of “the other.” I didn’t know that is how I was feeling until I learned the terminology as an aspiring educational leader, an opportunity that many students will never have, causing them to go through life without the ability to name feelings of discomfort and suffocation and understand their origin. This leads to my advice and my mantra as an educator: Immerse yourselves in the “otherness” that comprises the demographics in your school context. You cannot serve students you don’t understand equitably and with fidelity. Implicit biases are a real thing. We are immersed in media that will feed those biases making them more real than ever. As great as technology is, it has enhanced this process. It’s your job as an educator to make yourself vulnerable and put on the hat of the learner. Go beyond asking your students questions; students don’t want to stand out for being different. Capture multiple perspectives for any one group. Do not fall into the trap of assuming that one experience represents that of a whole group even if it is the experience of a member of that group.

Take Care of Ourselves: A principal once told me that teachers are wired and trained to take care of everyone else first and themselves last. We have to actively fight that trend to preserve longevity in the profession. This hit home the most when we had an act of violence occur at our school. Her words assuaged my guilt in asking for what I needed in the days after the event.

Friday, May 21, 2021

Being Smart and Working Hard

This week's article summary is Why the Myth of the Lazy Genius is So Harmful.

As I read the article, I thought of Carol Dweck’s growth mindset work’s influence on how teachers speak to their students: we overtly emphasize the importance of grit, determination, and hard work in overcoming obstacles.

Yet, as the article implies, when teachers stress the need for effort, our students, particularly girls, can draw the conclusion that success comes primarily from effort, not from intelligence.

The article points out that girls as young as six may not believe that they are ‘really, really smart.’

It’s a delicate balance we face in the classroom. We want to develop good work and study habits in our students because we know how important a strong attitudinal and organizational foundation is to future success.

But if our students only feel their success is a result of effort, they may become perfectionists who work harder than they need to. 

It wasn’t until I was a junior in college that I was learned to honestly self-assess how well I knew the material before exams. Over time, I became confident in both my abilities and in my preparation. If I knew the material, I would stop studying the night before a big exam. Had I thought that my success was solely a result of my studying efforts, I probably would have continued to study, even though I know the material. 

I know Dweck’s Growth Mindset has tilted the scales toward effort, but let’s not neglect to remind kids that they have innate ability as well.

Joe

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Let’s play a game. Close your eyes and think of a young person in your life who has a lot of intellectual potential but hasn’t lived up to it because of a lackluster work ethic.

Now, think of another young person who maybe isn’t as gifted but has accomplished a lot because of sheer determination.

Got them picked out?

If I were to guess, I’d say you probably came up with a boy for the first example (the “lazy genius”) and a girl for the second (the “striver”). 

Just think of the Harry Potter series. Harry was born with great magical powers, which enabled him to defeat the villain even though he didn’t spend much time studying at wizard school (and had the middling grades to show for it). In contrast, his female friend Hermione was very, very studious—yet, her magic powers were only those of a sidekick.

Unwittingly, we often allow the same Harry/Hermione dynamic to color our perceptions of boys and girls at home and in the classroom. And, not surprisingly, children absorb these ideas: By the age of 6, girls are already less likely than boys to view their own gender as “really, really smart.”

These perceptions matter because many prestigious careers, including those in science and technology, are looking for Harrys—people who have that “raw” intellectual firepower that Hermiones are often unjustly assumed to lack.

What can we do about this? While we might be tempted to immediately apologize to all the capable girls we know for failing to recognize their genius, that’s probably not the way to go. When young people are praised for their smarts, they often lose motivation in the face of difficulty.

Instead, let’s glamorize striving and ambition, making students like Hermione the protagonists, not the sidekicks. And boys shouldn’t be the yardstick of gender equality: Girls don’t need to be treated more like boys—rather, many boys would be better off if adults didn’t use the “lazy genius” idea as an excuse for underachievement.

Don’t assume that girls’ hard work is somehow compensating for a lack of “natural” talent. A person can be both gritty and talented.

Do explain to the young people in your life how much talent and ability can grow.  In real life—unlike in the movies—Hermiones are just as capable as Harrys, whether they are girls or boys.


Friday, May 14, 2021

How to Raise Resilient Kids

 This week's article summary is How to Raise Resilient Kids and it’s a follow-up to last week’s summary that focused on the TEAM approach to parenting (and teaching) through togetherness, encouragement, autonomy, minimal interference.

One hoped-for result of TEAM parenting/teaching is that children will develop resilience—the ability to bounce back from disappointments/missteps, not give up, persevere, etc.

The article below reminds all of us that becoming resilient takes time and requires opportunities to err, make adjustments, and learn from experience.

Ultimately resilience is intrinsic. Even if we’re supported externally, resilience comes from inside us. It’s a character trait that some of us develop more intuitively while others need significant guidance, reminders, and role models/examples.

While the article’s six needs to support resilience development aren’t earthshattering, they are a reminder that we adults (parents and teachers) need to be purposeful and deliberate in helping our children become more confident, assured, and independent. After all, Trinity is a caring, nurturing environment not simply to help kids enjoy their childhood but to grow and develop the skills, attitudes, and habits needed for future success and happiness.

Joe

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Resiliency—the ability to bounce back from tough experiences—has been a buzzword during the pandemic as parents wonder how months of isolation, anxiety and boredom will impact their children in the long term. Luckily, there are things parents can do to help their kids protect themselves against the negative effects of stressful times. 

“Resiliency is a skill that can be learned, practiced and developed as kids grow,” says Allie Riley, who oversees programming and evaluation for Girls on the Run, a non-profit that helps girls develop social and emotional skills through physical activity. “It’s important because everyone will face challenges or setbacks at some point in their life, and when they’ve had the chance to develop their resiliency muscles, they’ll be better able to move through whatever their challenge might be.”

Parents should not expect their kids to naturally just be resilient; it’s a skill that can be learned and practiced. Helping youth develop resiliency isn’t something parents can do in one day or with one conversation. It’s something that happens over time through dynamic parent-child interactions as parents make intentional decisions based on what abilities they desire to see their children exhibit over time.

There’s no manual on raising resilient kids, but experts say some parenting strategies can make a difference, no matter what your family context is or what challenges your kids might be facing.

Be intentional: Parents often have an idea of the kind of person they want their child to be when they reach adulthood. Whether a strong work ethic, kind personality or positive outlook on life is highest on a parent’s wish list for their child, a guiding philosophy can help parents make choices that will move their child in that direction. “When parents identify resiliency as a trait they want their grown-up child to possess, and as something that will take time and practice to build, they can make the sort of day-to-day parenting decisions that will help their child build their resiliency,” says James. Knowing that they value resilience can, for example, help parents decide when to step in when a child expresses frustration about completing a school assignment or guide the way they introduce new skills and chores as a child matures. James likens the process to teaching a child to drive. “The ultimate goal is to have a child that is able to drive safely anywhere, but you don’t start them out on the freeway. Instead, you start small and help them work their way up.”

Teach kids to recognize and name their feelings: When kids can effectively recognize and name their emotions, they’re able to connect those emotions to specific strategies that will help them move forward in a healthy way. For example, kids might recognize that they’re feeling nervous and know that talking to a parent or caregiver can help them relax, or that they’re feeling angry and that going for a run can help them clear their head. This sort of emotional management is a key aspect of resiliency. “One of the first steps in being able to regulate emotions is being able to name what we’re feeling,” says Riley. Parents can start when their kids are as young as toddlers by pointing out facial expressions and physical reactions and tying them to specific feelings. They might say, “Molly, your mouth is making a frown and your fists are squeezed tight—it looks like you’re feeling mad, is that right?” As kids mature, parents can continue to help their child identify the emotions they’re experiencing as a first step in brainstorming a response.

Foster supportive relationships: Positive relationships often serve as a buffer for the rough stuff in life. While parents shouldn’t try to orchestrate their kid’s whole social life, teaching them how to have healthy relationships will enable them to do so on their own. Parents can teach kids about relationships by talking about how they choose friends, how they act as a good friend and how they handle conflict. And when parents have these types of relationships themselves, children notice. “Kids learn a lot about the world by watching their caregivers,” says Riley, “so it’s also important to try to model the sort of relationship we want them to have.”

Teach kids to ask for help: A resilient person doesn’t always bounce back from tough situations all by themselves. Asking for help is critical, and it doesn’t always come naturally, especially for kids. “Asking for help and support is an important skill for kids and adults,” says James, “but it can feel hard to ask for help for a variety of reasons.” Parents can help kids learn to ask for help by modeling what that looks like in their life, being open about times they’ve needed support and being receptive and supportive when kids come to them for help.

Help kids develop a range of coping strategies: “It’s good to have one strategy to help you feel better when you’re experiencing uncomfortable emotions, but it’s even better to have a whole range of strategies in case one is not working or not possible,” says Riley. Parents can offer suggestions like taking deep breaths, talking with a friend or going for a walk. As a child gets older, parents can ask questions, like, “What do you think would help you feel calmer right now?” to help them discover what works best for them when times get tough.

Give kids a chance to practice their life skills: “Every parent wants to protect their children from the hard things in the world,” says James, “and while that’s understandable, protecting them from every hard thing doesn’t allow them to develop and practice the skills they need to be resilient or effectively navigate life’s challenges.” While it might be tempting for parents to call the coach who cut their kid from the team or deliver the homework binder their child left on the counter on their way to school, parents should consider the skills their child won’t get a chance to practice if they step in every time. While stressful times are rife with downsides, they can also bring opportunities to hone resilience. Klopp says that her children are weathering the pandemic as well as can be expected, and they’re practicing new habits and skills to cope. “We have hard days sometimes, but we do our best to look on the bright side and be really mindful about the things we’re grateful for,” she says. The family has started spending more time in their backyard garden to relieve stress, and Klopp has used all the together time to teach her children how to be a little more responsible for their own belongings and space. “I think that our kids are developing some new skills and some new gratitude,” she says, “and I’m glad we’ve been able to help them do that.”

Friday, May 7, 2021

The TEAM Method of Calmer Parenting

 This week's article summary is The TEAM Method of Calmer Parenting.

I am at the point in my life when I reflect on things I did when I was younger. As a grandparent who is now watching my kids parent their kids, I think back on how I parented and what I would/could/should have done differently. 

I have similar reflections on what I did in the classroom.

As such, this article really resonated for me both as a parent and a teacher.

The TEAM acronym—togetherness, encouragement, autonomy, minimal interference—is easy to remember yet provocative yet difficult to follow as it is so different from typical parenting in America.

I am by no means a proponent of children should be seen and not heard but I am just as averse to placing children on a pedestal which, as the author states, can lead to children being “the beneficiaries of others’ good works, with little or no obligation to reciprocate.” 

In hindsight, I think I coddled my kids too much and didn’t give them enough opportunity and autonomy to pitch in and do the right thing for others. I acted as their conscience and disciplined them when they erred.

I also wish I was had followed the author’s advice to walk away from power struggles and arguments with my kids. I still have flashbacks to battles over completing homework and learning how to study a little each night versus cramming for a big test.

Like last week’s last week's article about parenting, this week’s has classroom implications as well.

Joe

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Three years ago, I sat at the Cancun airport in a state of paralysis. I stared outside, trying to figure out if what I had just witnessed could possibly be true. Could parenting be that effective? Could children be that helpful and respectful? 

The day before, I had been visiting with families in a Maya village, nestled in the Yucatan Peninsula. I spent hours, talking to moms about how they raise their children—and watching their skills in action.

What I saw shifted my whole sense of how parenting could work. The moms related to children in a way that parents, all over the world, have turned to for thousands of years. I believe this approach may just be the lifeline parents need right now as we enter the second year of the pandemic.

I call it TEAM parenting, for its four main elements: togetherness, encouragement, autonomy and minimal interference. In combination, these elements minimize conflict and foster cooperation.

What really stood out to me was the children’s helpfulness. One morning, I watched a preteen girl, wake up and immediately begin washing the dishes from breakfast. No one had to ask her. The family didn’t have a chore chart on the kitchen wall. “Does she volunteer help often?” I asked her mother. “If she sees there is something to be done, she doesn’t wait,” her mother told me.”

At the time, I thought perhaps the Maya families had some parenting skills that Western parents, such as myself, didn’t know. But I was wrong. The Maya parents aren’t the exception or even rare.

And yet, Western parents have forgotten key elements of this approach. We’ve forgotten how to motivate kids to do chores without nagging or bribing, how to discipline without yelling or time-outs, and how to relate to children in a way that builds confidence and self-sufficiency.

Many of our cornerstone practices—the practices we think we have to do to be good parents—go directly against TEAM parenting. These practices make our lives harder and our kids anxious because they go against children’s innate instincts to work collaboratively with people they love and to learn through autonomous exploration. Western children are too often provided a lifestyle where they are wholly the beneficiaries of others’ good works, with little or no obligation to reciprocate.

In Maya communities, everyone is expected to pitch in with activities, even toddlers. A Mayan mother told me, “As early as they can walk, you can start asking them to help, for example, to bring you this or that.” As the child grows up, the tasks become more complicated. Instead of just fetching the herbs, they’re making a whole dish. Instead of only setting the plates, they’re clearing the table and washing the dishes.

Over time, the child learns useful life skills, but they also learn something critical to a peaceful home: how to work together with their family. How to collaborate. Cleaning up after dinner is a shared responsibility that everyone one in the home does together. By the time kids are age 9 or 10, they are competent contributors, helping their family on their own initiative. Parents don’t need to nag or bribe them to do it.

And what does the Maya parent do when a child refuses to help. They don’t start a big argument with the child.

Arguing and negotiating with children is so common in my home, that I thought it was a universal practice worldwide. But that idea couldn’t be further from the truth. 

Mayan parents encourage proper behavior, but they never yell, nag, or even negotiate.

Mayan parents see arguing with children as silly and a waste of time. When a parent argues with a child, the parent stoops to the child’s level. The child simply learns to argue and to value arguing.

American toddlers get a lot of attention when they’re angry, or they misbehave. But there are a lot of parents in the world who just completely ignore a child’s anger and misbehavior. Over time, the child learns that anger doesn’t work. And they stop doing it. 

So next time your child misbehaves, simply walk away. Turn your back and walk away. Same goes for arguments and power struggles. If one starts to brew, close your mouth and walk away. You don’t have to go far, maybe just to the other room, or even just a few feet away. Your silence and distancing will calmly communicate to the child that their behavior is unacceptable.

This advice is much harder to implement than it sounds, at least for this Western mom. When my daughter disobeys me, every cell in my body wants to yell or argue. That’s how I was raised. But once I learned this new parenting skill, my 3-year-old’s executive functions quickly improved, and conflict in our home decreased dramatically.

Our lives improved even further, when I stopped executing the third major pitfall of Western parenting. That is, when I stopped being a bossy pants. If we want our kids to be confident—and we want to protect them from anxiety and stress—we need to curb the commands, instructions, and lectures (yes, even the praise), William Stixrud and and Ned Johnson write in their book, The Self-Driven Child.

Parents in other countries value the right to autonomy. And this view extends to children, even toddlers. As a result, parents don’t feel this ubiquitous urgency to “fix” or “manage” a child’s behavior. This restrained style doesn’t mean that parents don’t pay attention, or don’t care what children do. A caretaker is definitely watching to be sure kids are safe. But parents have confidence that children know how to learn and grow, without adults constant meddling. Anything a parent says—the vast majority of the time—will only get in the child’s way and generate conflict. So parents interfere minimally.

Studies have linked autonomy with confidence and better executive function in children. As they grow up, autonomy is connected to better performance in school and increased chance of career success, Stixrud and Johnson write.

On the flipside, when parents constantly manage a child’s behavior and schedule, they can feel powerless over their lives, Stixrud and Johnson write. “Many [American] kids feel that way all the time.” That feeling causes stress, and over time, that stress can turn into anxiety and depression.

Three years ago, sitting at the Cancun airport, I felt lost as a mom. My relationship with my daughter was filled with tension and conflict. I dreaded the time I spent with her. But as I slowly added these universal parenting practices into our lives, Rosy went from being my “enemy” to becoming my teammate—perhaps even my most favorite person in the world.