Friday, March 15, 2024

Supporting Boys in School

This week's article summary is In School, Girls Rule. Where Does That Leave Boys?

Last year I read the book Of Boys and Men by Richard Reeves who was interviewed for the article below. I didn’t agree with all his recommendations—not sure delaying the start of kindergarten for boys by a year is feasible--yet the book was a provocative read for which he received a lot of criticism (his book was viewed by some as misogynistic).

Throughout my years in education, I’ve noticed a steady decline in the motivation and work ethic of boys. Heck, Seth Rogen has made a career out of playing feckless characters in the movies!

Back in the 1950s, boys ruled in schools, and female students were somewhat invisible. Then with Title IX in the 70s and the seminal book Reviving Ophelia in the 90s, there was a significant focus on supporting and encouraging girls, especially in math and science classes.

According to Reeves, while girls have been lifted up in the past 45 years, boys have been neglected.

The gist of the article below and Reeves’ book is that boys are different than girls and hence need to be treated differently in school: in general, they emotionally and physically develop later than girls, are less organized, are more prone to questioning authority, often think more spatially than linearly, and need a lot more physical activity.

Reeves implies that the ideal student (organized, collaborative, compliant, fewer behavioral issues) is in reach for most girls while elusive for most boys. 

So, as girls are now soaring in schools, boys have become underachievers.

Of course, boys/men still have systemic societal advantages, and we need to make sure girls are getting equal opportunities and participation in athletics and STEM classes. But, we need to make sure our teaching methods and expectations are sensitive to how the average boy thinks and acts, especially in the elementary school years. 

 Joe

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College began as a nearly all-male world, and that long trickled down through the education system. Then, 50 years ago, the U.S. government prohibited discrimination in education on the basis of sex. Now, women earn more than 57% of all bachelor’s degrees.

It’s evidence that “in the space of just a few decades, girls and women have not just caught up with boys and men in the classroom — they have blown right past them.”

So writes author Richard V. Reeves in his 2022 book “Of Boys and Men.” While some observers have seen this shift as a cause for celebration about what girls and women have achieved, Reeves uses it to launch a more somber exploration about what, exactly, is going on with boys and men these days.

As his subtitle puts it, “the modern male is struggling.”

Reeves, a senior fellow in economic studies at the Brooking Institution, calls for readers to pay attention to “the specific challenges being faced by boys and men” in education, work, and family life. Those barriers, he argues, include: Boys’ brains develop more slowly on average than girls’ brains do and many young men exhibit lower levels of engagement and motivation than young women do.

EdSurge recently spoke with Reeves about how education might change to better support boys and men. His proposals include delaying boys from starting kindergarten, getting serious about recruiting more men into teaching, and investing more in vocational education.

EdSurge: You note that since the 1970s, “the gender reversal in education has been astonishingly swift,” pointing out that girls now earn better grades than boys and that women now earn the majority of college degrees. Are educational outcomes for boys and men getting worse, or is it more that the outcomes and trajectories for girls and women are getting better?

Reeves: In college enrollment, for a very big enrollment gap to open up, you don’t need male enrollment to drop, you just need female enrollment to rise faster. And that’s basically what’s happened over the last few decades. But if you think of things like high school, it’s not that, generally speaking, boys are doing worse than they were 30 or 40 years ago, it’s just that they are falling behind girls in relative terms.

That said, there are many places where just the absolute story for many boys and men, including in something like on-time high school graduation rates for certain groups of boys, especially black boys, they’re troubling in and of themselves.

Does this suggest to you that boys and men are being discriminated against in some way in the education system? Or are girls and women now just not being held back?

It’s much more that girls aren’t being held back. And I was really struck by the evidence that girls were doing a little bit better than boys in high school back in the ’50s, when almost none of them went on to college. There was very little encouragement for women to sort of rise educationally. So I think in some ways there was always a bit of an advantage for girls and women in the education system, just we couldn’t see it when we were holding them down and putting barriers in front of them. So once we lowered those barriers, their natural advantages became apparent. I think it’s much more a question of, “Is the system more male-friendly, more female-friendly, or is it balanced?”

I think as education becomes much more female-dominated in terms of teaching, the shift in the pedagogy and the move away from more vocational training, etc., have disproportionately affected boys rather than girls.

You provide examples of interventions in education that work for girls and women, but not for boys and men. For instance, studies on the famous Kalamazoo Promise program that helps students from Kalamazoo, Michigan, go to college for free have found that it increased the number of women who earn a bachelor’s degree by 45 percent — but it didn’t help more men graduate. To dig into that, you interviewed young men from that region, and those conversations prompted you to write that there seems to be something going on with male “agency, aspiration, and motivation.” Can you expound on this?

There’s something else going on with boys and men. It’s a little more of a mystery. What’s going on here?

So I talked to some of the guys in Kalamazoo — I’m just chatting generally trying to get some qualitative data — and it does seem that it’s a little bit more drift. The men are a bit more like: zigzag. Women are a bit more like: straight line. If boys do enroll, it’s a bit less likely on time. They might drop out. They’re not quite as linear.

And we don’t really know why. But it does look to me as if it’s something about this sense of future orientation, planfulness, self-efficacy, to use that sort of language. And on a lot of measures you just see that is much higher for girls and women.

If you look at the High School Longitudinal Study, for example, you just see big gender differences in the answer to the question, what are you gonna do for education? What are you gonna do for an occupation? What are you gonna do for a career? The girls have answers — not all of them, but many, many, many more than the boys.

The modal answer for the occupational question in the High School Longitudinal Study, which is for 11th and 12th graders, for boys is “I don’t know.” For girls it’s “health care.” Whether the girls will actually end up in health care, the point is that they just have a sense of their future selves, which is helping them to stay on track in the short run. It’s really hard to stay on track educationally if you don’t have some sort of plan and some sort of purpose.

I think that for a long time, you could argue, and feminists would certainly argue, that, look, boys just had to get themselves on the conveyor belt. They leave school, they join the factory or go to college and get a job. The world was kind of designed around them, and so they didn’t have to do very much planning or thinking. That’s not true anymore. And meanwhile, you’ve had this generation or two of women who are saying, “I’m gonna go for it. I’m gonna be independent, I’m gonna be empowered.”

A lot of this is not so much the aspiration gap, but it is just more the planfulness gap, the purpose gap, the forward-looking gap. No one who has children or has taught children or young adults will be surprised by any of this.

But I think it does matter more now that the paths for young men in particular are less prescribed than they used to be. And so it means that individual agency is even more important than it was. And right now there’s just a big gender gap in that.

It makes sense to me that maybe if from birth you have felt a sense that you have to overcome adversity as a girl or a woman, that might drive you in a different way than if, as a boy or a man, you don’t necessarily get that cultural cue.

It used to be more like, “Look, it’s a man’s world, so you’re gonna have to just be that much better to succeed in a man’s world.”

It’s shifted a little bit now. I only have sons, but it’s not what I hear my friends telling their daughters. What I hear them telling them is, “You should be financially independent. You should have a great career. You should be who you wanna be.”

It’s much more a positive message in that sense. I think the messaging to girls has shifted from a kind of negative one, if you like, which is, “Well, unfortunately, we live in such a strict patriarchy that you are gonna need to be absolutely brilliant to just get a job that a mediocre man would get.” A, I don’t think that’s true anymore, but B, I don’t think that’s the messaging now.

I think the messaging is just, “You go girl.”

But we don’t give that to boys, of course. Because historically they haven’t needed it. The idea of male empowerment is kind of weird. And I’m not calling for a male empowerment agenda, just to be clear. I think we need to make sure we’re not inadvertently disempowering. We shouldn’t tell them there’s something wrong with them, or that they’re the problem. But because they haven’t had to overcome the same obstacles, I don’t think it makes as much sense to talk about male empowerment as female empowerment.

You argue that an equitable education system “will be one that recognizes natural sex differences, especially the fact that boys are at a developmental disadvantage to girls at critical points in schooling.” You’ve got three main proposals for addressing this, and I want to ask you about each. The first is redshirting boys before kindergarten. Why do you think that would be effective?

Because boys develop a little bit later than girls on average neurologically. And especially in adolescents, girls are ahead, on average. And so what I’m really trying to do with the idea of starting the boys a year later is to bake in, it’s a one-year chronological difference between them, which I think will create something closer to a level playing field in terms of developmental age.

The relationship between developmental age and chronological age is of course very rough anyway, but particularly when you look at it by sex, it doesn’t correlate in the same way. So a 16-year-old girl is not the same, everything else equal, as a 16-year-old boy, and particularly in terms of a prefrontal cortex. And this relates to the conversation we just had about planfulness and future orientation and organization and executive function. That’s really where the girls do better. But it’s not that they’re smarter, it’s just that they’ve got their acts together more. And that’s partly for neurological reasons. It’s partly just because they hit puberty earlier, which triggers the prefrontal cortex, which is the bit of your brain that has your act together.

The second proposal is to be more intentional about recruiting men to be teachers. In our coverage, that’s something w ehear pretty frequently,  but I’m interested to know why that stands out to you as a good idea.

There is some direct evidence from research that having a male teacher does help boys, especially in subjects where they’re struggling, like English. Actually, I’m very interested in that data, that just as it looks like having a female teacher in STEM historically helps girls, it looks like having a male teacher in subjects like English seems to help boys. Especially in those crucial middle and early high school years.

And it’s striking to me — I’ve discovered this since I wrote the book — that actually of the men who are in teaching, English is the subject they’re least likely to teach. … So it’s not just that we don’t have men, but we also don't have men in the subjects where they might have the most impact. So I would now modify my proposal to just say, actually, let’s really try and get more men into those middle school years and maybe earlier, but also subjects like English.

And so the second thing is, there’s an atmospheric thing. Just like if you’ve got any kind of environment that’s very strongly gendered, it’s almost inevitably going to create an environment and atmosphere that’s somewhat more suited to that gender. I think that’s one of the big criticisms of very male-dominated occupations. When the legal profession was 95 percent male, it was quite likely the kind of norms of the profession were gonna be somewhat more male-friendly. But then you get to about 30 percent female, and the culture really starts to change. I think the same has to be true in schools.

That’s why I call for scholarships, social marketing campaigns, etc. If we’re serious about this, we’ve gotta watch it, because I do think if we get past like 80 percent female, we reach a tipping point where it’s gonna get harder and harder to persuade men to go into a profession where they don’t see very many men. That’s one of the lessons of occupational segregation, right? 

Your third proposal is investing more in vocational education and training. Why is this important?

It’s important because of the evidence that that seems to be particularly good for boys. We see these huge gaps in education for boys, and so we should then look at the system and say, “Well, are there ways of teaching or approaches to teaching that just seem to be more male-friendly than female-friendly?” …

Everything else equal, it looks like boys do a little bit better with a more hands-on approach to learning. And we’ve been chronically underinvesting in that, not only at the K-12 level, but beyond that. The U.S. is the international laggard in terms of apprenticeships, for example, and the evidence is very strong that technical high schools in particular are really good for boys. They are dedicated schools, and it doesn’t have to be just like HVAC and plumbing and stuff, it can be health care, etc.

And the outcomes from the evaluations for that are so strong, that this is one of the policy areas I would feel very confident advising a policymaker: If you’ve got a few billion dollars kicking around, this would be a great way to spend it, which is to just create a lot more technical high schools.


Friday, February 23, 2024

Social-Emotional Learning at School

 This week's article summary is Researchers Studies Kindergarteners' Behavior and Followed Up 19 Years Later, and it’s a follow-up to last week’s summary about some parents today delaying their children’s ‘formal’ education until First Grade.

The article is a reminder of the importance of the early grades of school, specifically Early Learners, PreK, and Kindergarten at Trinity.

While these early grades expose children to content knowledge, perhaps more important is children’s social-emotional development within those early childhood classrooms.  

One of Trinity’s student outcomes is the development of a child’s sense of self (intrapersonal) and care and concern for others (interpersonal).

During the first years of schooling, critical character values and habits begin to form: sharing/taking turns, self-regulation/impulse control, cooperation/collaboration/conflict management. Ideally, these values and habits began to take shape at home when our current students are toddlers, yet it’s within a classroom with fellow classmates that kids have opportunities to apply these skills and habits needed to coexist with others. Humans are social, yet we need much practice and reinforcement learning how to work with others. 

The study referenced in the article below reminds us that a child’s EQ is a better predictor of future success, happiness, and fulfillment than IQ, as the summary a few weeks ago revealed. 

When I read articles that highlight the importance of helping our kids develop core skills, attitudes, and habits, I am always proud of the emphasis Trinity places on character development and being a contributing member of a community!

Joe

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Every parent wants to see their kid get good grades in school. But now we know social success is just as important.

From an early age, we're led to believe our grades and test scores are the key to everything — namely, going to college, getting a job, and finding that glittery path to lifelong happiness and prosperity.

But a recent study showed that when children learn to interact effectively with their peers and control their emotions, it can have an enormous impact on how their adult lives take shape. And according to the study, kids should be spending more time on these skills in school.

Kindergarten teachers evaluated the kids with a portion of something called the Social Competence Scale by rating statements like "The child is good at understanding other's feelings" on a "Not at all/A little/Moderately well/Well/Very well" scale.

The research team used these responses to give each kid a "social competency score," which they then stored in what I assume was a manila folder somewhere for 19 years, or until each kid was 25. At that point, they gathered some basic information about the now-grown-ups to see whether their early social skills held any predictive value.

Here's what they found.

Those good test scores we covet? They still matter, but maybe not for the reasons we thought. Traditional thinking says that if a kid gets good grades and test scores, he or she must be really smart, right? After all, there is a correlation between having a better GPA in high school and making more money later in life. But what that test score doesn't tell you is how many times a kid worked with a study partner to crack a tough problem, or went to the teacher for extra help, or resisted the urge to watch TV instead of preparing for a test. The researchers behind this project wrote, "Success in school involves both social-emotional and cognitive skills, because social interactions, attention, and self-control affect readiness for learning." That's a fancy way of saying that while some kids may just be flat-out brilliant, most of them need more than just smarts to succeed. Maybe it wouldn't hurt spending a little more time in school teaching kids about the social half of the equation.

Skills like sharing and cooperating pay off later in life. We know we need to look beyond GPA and state-mandated testing to figure out which kids are on the right path. That's why the researchers zeroed in so heavily on that social competency score. What they found probably isn't too surprising: Kids who related well to their peers, handled their emotions better, and were good at resolving problems went on to have more successful lives. What's surprising is just how strong the correlation was. An increase of a single point in social competency score showed a child would be 54% more likely to earn a high school diploma, twice as likely to graduate with a college degree, and 46% more likely to have a stable, full-time job at age 25. The kids who were always stealing toys, breaking things, and having meltdowns? More likely to have run-ins with the law and substance abuse problems.

Social behaviors can be learned and unlearned — meaning it's never too late to change. The researchers called some of these pro-social behaviors like sharing and cooperating "malleable," or changeable. Let's face it: Some kids are just never going to be rocket scientists. Turns out there are physical differences in our brains that make learning easier for some people than others. But settling disputes with peers? That's something kids (and adults) can always continue to improve on. For a lot of kids, these behaviors come from their parents. The more you're able to demonstrate positive social traits like warmth and empathy, the better off your kids will be.

This 19-year study paints a pretty clear picture: Pro-social behavior matters, even at a young age. And because it can be learned, it's a great "target for prevention or intervention efforts."

The bottom line? We need to do more than just teach kids information. We need to invest in teaching them how to relate to others and how to handle the things they're feeling inside.

Ignoring social skills in our curricula could have huge ramifications for our kids down the road.

 

Friday, February 16, 2024

Why Some Children Skip Traditional Kindergarten

This week's article summary is Many Kids Are Skipping Kindergarten.

While the Covid pandemic is in our rear view mirror, its effects linger. During the pandemic, Trinity, like most other private-independent schools, had the resources and flexibility to provide in-person schooling for the vast majority of our students the vast majority of the time. However, this was not the case for public schools, and many of them had to resort to online learning for a significant portion of the pandemic. And, as we all experienced, online learning is ineffectual pedagogy for most students, particularly those in elementary grades. (Late night host Stephen Colbert jokes that ‘remote learning means there’s a remote chance of learning!’)

As you’ll see in the article, due to dissatisfaction with online learning, an increasing number of public school parents have now begun to question whether the early years of education, even in person, are essential to their child’s education. Their thinking is their older kids didn’t benefit from virtual learning during the pandemic years yet now seem fine in second and third grade. Consequently, these parents have opted to delay starting their younger child’s formal schooling until First Grade.

While I recognize that online schooling for most kids, particularly young ones, didn’t maximize their learning needs, that’s not a valid reason for postponing their younger children’s schooling until First Grade. 

I worry for those children who are skipping preschool and kindergarten to remain at home or in day care.

As all of us know, a strong academic and character foundation (what parents, after all, want for their children) is shaped progressively, with each previous year supporting the next one. A foundation with a weak base is wobbly and easily crumbles. Sadly, a societal bias continues to believe that early education is not essential and that kids ‘will eventually catch up after a few years.’ 

Clearly, Trinity’s Early Learners, PreK, and Kindergarten grades provide our students with both a strong cognitive and, perhaps more importantly, social-emotional head start! 

Joe

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Aylah Levy had some catching up to do this fall when she started first grade. After spending her kindergarten year at an alternative program that met exclusively outdoors, Aylah, 6, had to adjust to being inside a classroom. She knew only a handful of numbers and was not printing her letters clearly.

Still, her mother, Hannah Levy, says it was the right decision to skip kindergarten. She wanted Aylah to enjoy being a kid. There is plenty of time, she reasoned, for her daughter to develop study skills.

The number of kindergartners in public school plunged during the Covid pandemic. Concerned about the virus or wanting to avoid online school, hundreds of thousands of families delayed the start of school for their young children. Most have returned to schooling of some kind, but even three years after the pandemic school closures, kindergarten enrollment has continued to lag.

Some parents like Levy don’t see much value in traditional kindergarten. For others, it’s a matter of keeping children in other child care arrangements that better fit their lifestyles. And for many, kindergarten simply is no longer the assumed first step in a child’s formal education, another sign of the way the pandemic and online learning  upended the U.S. school system.

Kindergarten is considered a crucial year for children to learn to follow directions, regulate behavior and get accustomed to learning. Missing that year of school can put kids at a disadvantage, especially those from low-income families and families whose first language is not English, said Deborah Stipek, a former dean of the Graduate School of Education at Stanford University. Those children are sometimes behind in recognizing letters and counting to 10 even before starting school, she said.

But to some parents, that foundation seems less urgent post-pandemic. For many, kindergarten just doesn’t seem to work for their lives.

Students who disengaged during the pandemic school closures have been making their way back to schools. But kindergarten enrollment remained down 5.2% in the 2022-2023 school year compared with the 2019-2020 school year. Public school enrollment across all grades fell 2.2%.

Kindergarten means a seismic change in some families’ lifestyles. After years of all-day child care, they suddenly must manage afternoon pickups with limited and expensive options for after-school care. Some worry their child isn’t ready for the structure and behavioral expectations of a public school classroom. And many think whatever their child misses at school can be quickly learned in first grade.

Christina Engram was set to send her daughter Nevaeh to kindergarten this fall at her neighborhood school in Oakland, until she learned her daughter would not have a spot in the after-school program there. That meant she would need to be picked up at 2:30 most afternoons.

“If I put her in public school, I would have to cut my hours, and I basically wouldn’t have a good income for me and my kids,” said Engram, a preschool teacher and a mother of two.

Engram decided to keep Nevaeh in a child care center for another year. Engram receives a state child care subsidy that helps her pay for full-time child care or preschool until her child is 6 and must enroll in first grade.

Compared with kindergarten, she believed her daughter would be more likely to receive extra attention at the child care center, which has more adult staff per child.

“She knows her numbers. She knows her ABC’s. She knows how to spell her name,” Engram said. “But when she feels frustrated that she can’t do something, her frustration overtakes her. She needs extra attention and care. She has some shyness about her when she thinks she’s going to give the wrong answer.”

Many would-be kindergartners are among the tens of thousands of families that have turned to homeschooling.

Some parents say they came to homeschooling almost accidentally. Convinced their family wasn’t ready for “school,” they kept their 5-year-old home, then found they needed more structure. They purchased some activities or a curriculum — and homeschooling stuck.

Others chose homeschooling for kindergartners after watching older children in traditional school. Jenny Almazan is homeschooling Ezra, 6, after pulling his sister Emma, 9, from a school in Chino, California.

“She would rush home from school, eat dinner, do an hour or two of schoolwork, shower and go to bed. She wasn’t given time to be a kid,” Almazan said. Almazan also worried about school shootings and pressures her kids might face at school to act or dress a certain way.

To make it all work, Almazan quit her job as a preschool teacher. Most days, the children’s learning happens outside of the home, when they are playing at the park, visiting museums or even doing math while grocery shopping.

“My kids are not missing anything by not being in public school,” she said. “Every child has different needs. I’m not saying public school is bad. It’s not. But for us, this fits.”

Kindergarten is important for all children, but especially those who do not attend preschool or who haven’t had much exposure to math, reading and other subjects, said Steve Barnett, co-director for the National Institute for Early Education Research and a professor at Rutgers University.

“The question actually is: If you didn’t go to kindergarten, what did you do instead?” he said.

Hannah Levy chose the Berkeley Forest School to start her daughter’s education, in part because she valued how teachers infused subjects like science with lessons on nature. She pictured traditional kindergarten as a place where children sit inside at desks, do worksheets and have few play-based experiences.

“I learned about nature. We learned in a different way,” daughter Aylah said.

But the appeal of a suburban school system had brought the family from San Francisco, and when it came time for first grade, Aylah enrolled at Cornell Elementary in Albany.

Early this fall, Levy recalled Aylah coming home with a project where every first grader had a page in a book to write about who they were. Some pages had only scribbles and others had legible print. She said Aylah fell somewhere in the middle.

“It was interesting to me because it was the moment I thought, ‘What would it be like if she was in kindergarten?’” she said.

In a conference with Levy, Aylah’s teacher said she was working with the girl on her writing, but there were no other concerns. “She said anything Aylah was behind on, she has caught up to the point that she would never differentiate that Aylah didn’t go to Cornell for kindergarten as well,” Levy said.


Friday, February 9, 2024

Free-Range Parenting

This week's article summary is I Have to Push My Own Limits to Let My Kids Find Theirs.

Being a parent today is much more challenging than it was one or two generations ago. 

Back then, societal norms afforded kids ample opportunity to be kids and to play and explore without constant adult supervision. Parents weren’t shamed if their children weren’t overscheduled after school and in the summer, complained they were ‘bored’, or broke an arm falling out of a tree.

This article explores today’s parent conundrum of wishing for their children to grow up confident and self-assured while also wanting to keep them safe and protected. The paradox is that too much parent protection stifles a child’s growth, which can create a psychologically fragile, dependent young adult. 

Most parents today know that being a helicopter parent is too smothering, yet they bristle at the other extreme: free-range parenting.

The world today is considered by most to be more dangerous than 10, 20, 40 years ago, even though data shows that today’s kids are growing up in perhaps the safest time in human history. 

In today’s risk-averse society, we need more trailblazing parents to loosen up a bit and give their kids more unsupervised latitude to develop the executive functions skills like resilience and responsible decision-making highlighted in last week's summary..

Joe

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A few weeks ago, my older son’s elementary school took part in National Walk and Bike to School Day, which meant meeting the school’s teachers in a parking lot a mile from the school and walking there en masse — with a police escort. It is remarkable to me that we need a national holiday to encourage people to walk to school, and that the journey has to be so carefully orchestrated.

A few years ago a family in Maryland made headlines for letting their kids, ages 6 and 10, walk to a park a mile away from their home. Local police picked up the kids and delivered them to Child Protective Services.

My son’s childhood couldn’t be more different from my father’s. By the time he finished high school, he had fallen from a tree two stories high and broken both arms; run through a glass door, causing a gash so deep and so near his eye that doctors weren’t sure they could safely stitch it up; raced a homemade go-cart down an impossibly steep hill, nearly killing a cow; and stuck his foot in a vat of 375-degree oil, resulting in months in the hospital.

The drama of these stories overshadows a quieter truth about his childhood. Most days, especially in summer, he would grab a bag lunch at home and spend long hours outside exploring, playing, and getting into his fair share of less life-threatening mischief.

Since becoming a parent, I’ve been amazed by how our culture has so circumscribed children’s freedom of movement, and surprised by my own complicated feelings about kids and risk. Our risk-averse society is not just a benign outcome of our overly litigious age, but also has deep personal and political implications for the kids we are raising.

“Physical freedom models all kinds of freedom, for children learn with both body and mind. When they see themselves demonstrate physical courage, they also learn moral or political courage — and independent thought, which has profound political implications.”

The Maryland parents who made news by letting their kids wander the neighborhood unaccompanied ascribe to a movement called “free-range parenting,” which the Washington Post described as “a counterpoint to the hyper-vigilance of ‘helicopter’ parenting, with the idea that children learn self-reliance by being allowed to progressively test limits, make choices and venture out in the world.”

Our risk-averse society works against the child’s instinct to find a working relationship with chance and risk — otherwise their adventures cannot even begin.

I’m drawn to the values behind free-range parenting, but I’ve always had a hard time living up to those ideals. While my childhood wasn’t as wild as my dad’s, I had lots of good adventures exploring the fields and forests around my house. I walked over a mile to school from second grade on, and spent hours building elaborate contraptions in my dad’s wood shop without supervision.

Watching kids scramble around a playground or sword-fight with sticks, I have to actively fight my reflex to keep everyone entirely safe at all times. As if that were even possible.

Sometimes, as I see my oldest son about to leap from some high peak or scramble across the outer edge of the play structure, I hear my own words as if they’re coming from someone I don’t fully recognize: “Be careful!” “Safety first!” Or, when his 3-year-old brother follows after him, teetering out to reach the monkey bars, I race over to spot him, never letting him learn from falling.

Parenting is full of negotiations and contradictions. For me, no tension is greater than that between wanting to develop a spirit of wild adventure and self-reliance in my kids and the deep yearning to keep them safe, and I’ve recognized the same search for balance between risk and safety in “adventure playgrounds.”

In her research into “the overprotected child” for The Atlantic, Hanna Rosin interviewed Ellen Sandseter, a scholar of early childhood education who has studied “risky play.” Sandseter identifies specific kinds of risky play — like exploring heights, handling dangerous tools, and roughhousing — and explains that they are important to childhood development because they help kids develop their own sense of limits instead of imposing them from the outside. When kids define their own limits, rooted in emotions like fear, excitement, and unease, they learn to master those emotions and negotiate their surroundings.

“Growing up is a process of managing fears and learning to arrive at sound decisions,” Rosin writes. But how do we, as parents, square this with the fierce instinct to do anything we can to protect our kids from harm? I watch my kids careening down a hill on their bikes, or wandering away to go exploring at the park, and I feel it in my gut. How do we decide when to shout out and when to shut up?

These worries persist even in the face of logic and statistics suggesting that overprotecting kids isn’t making them more safe. These fears are visceral and immediate, whereas the threat posed by removing risk and play from kids’ daily lives is one that’s much harder to see from where we’re standing.

When we take those experiences away, we’re making a trade-off: short term safety versus long-term experience. Our control versus their judgment. We think of these things in binaries. If we give up order, we will end up with disorder. If we give up control, we will end up with chaos.

I understand the benefits of risky play in my head, but so much of parenting comes from my heart. What I’m slowly learning is that by listening to my head — without ignoring my heart — I can give my kids space to make up their own minds. Sometimes we have to push our own limits to let our kids find theirs.

 


Friday, February 2, 2024

Building Resilience in Students

This week's article summary is Building Resilience in Students, and it's a continuation of the past two summaries about developing student character.

As this week’s article attests, developing executive functioning skills in students is less about the direct teaching of skills like self-control and more about creating a classroom climate/culture that is nurturing, challenging, and consistent.

Infant brains naturally develop within an environment of warmth, care, and safety. Just as we discussed during Preplanning, the need to belong and be cared for is innate. Within a safe, caring environment an infant’s brain begins to develop its parts that govern executive functioning skills like resilience. As we know, this is a low process, and the brain’s prefrontal cortex isn’t fully formed until  late teens (for girls) and early 20s (for boys).

Equally important, classrooms need the attributes adults crave in the workplace: a sense of purpose, opportunities to grow and learn, a collaborative community, and the latitude to be autonomous and independent. With these qualities, non-cognitive skills needed for success develop.

We talked in Preplanning about embracing a both/and mindset in the classroom. This article supports the interrelation between cognitive and non-cognitive skill development in kids—an enduring strength of Trinity!

Joe

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Academic achievement researchers have been studying a set of personal qualities—often referred to as non-cognitive skills, or character strengths—that include resilience, conscientiousness, optimism, self-control, and grit.

These capacities generally aren’t captured by standardized tests, but they seem to make a big difference in the academic success of children.

Yet nobody has found a reliable way to teach kids to be grittier or more resilient.

And those teachers who are best able to engender non-cognitive abilities in their students often do so without really “teaching” these capacities the way one might teach math or reading—indeed, they often do so without ever saying a word about them in the classroom.

What is emerging is a new idea: that qualities like grit and resilience are not formed through the traditional mechanics of “teaching”; instead, they are shaped by several specific environmental forces, both in the classroom and in the home.

 For most children, the skill-development process leading up to kindergarten generally works the way it’s supposed to: Calm, consistent, responsive interactions in infancy with parents create neural connections that lay the foundation for a healthy array of attention and concentration skills.

Early warmth and responsiveness send the signals: You’re safe; life is going to be fine. Let down your guard; the people around you will protect you and provide for you. Be curious about the world; it’s full of fascinating surprises. These messages trigger adaptations in children’s brains that allow them to slow down and consider problems and decisions more carefully, to focus their attention for longer periods, and to more willingly trade immediate gratification for promises of long-term benefits.

The guiding theory behind much of the school discipline practiced in the United States today—and certainly behind the zero-tolerance, suspension-heavy approach that has dominated since the 1990s—is behaviorism, which is grounded in the idea that humans respond to incentives and reinforcement. If we get positive reinforcement for a certain behavior, we’re likely to do it more; if we get negative reinforcement, we’re likely to do it less. On some level, behaviorism works. People, including children, respond well to behavioral cues, at least in the short term.

But researchers are coming to understand that there are limits to the effectiveness of rewards and punishments in education.

If we want students to act in ways that will maximize their future opportunities—to persevere through challenges, to delay gratification, to control their impulses—we need to consider what might motivate them to take those difficult steps.

Students will be more likely to display these positive academic habits when they are in an environment where they feel a sense of belonging, independence, and growth.

These teachers are able to convey deep messages—perhaps implicitly or even subliminally—about belonging, connection, ability, and opportunity. And somehow those messages had a profound impact on students’ psychology, and thus on their behavior.

The environment those teachers create in the classroom, and the messages that environment convey, motivate students to start making better decisions—to show up to class, to persevere longer at difficult tasks, and to deal more resiliently with the countless small-scale setbacks and frustrations that make up the typical student’s school day.

A teacher may never be able to get students to be gritty, in the sense of developing some essential character trait called grit. But you can make them act gritty—to behave in gritty ways in your classroom.

Messages that teachers convey—large and small, explicit and implicit—affect the way students feel in the classroom, and thus the way they behave there.



Friday, January 26, 2024

5 Things to Know About Empathy

This week's article summary is 5 Things to Know About Empathy, and it's a follow up to last week's.

We hear a lot about the need for more empathy in the world. At Trinity, we stress to our students how important it is to be empathetic.

However, as you’ll see in the article, empathy is somewhat innate while also requiring much conscious effort.

During Preplanning, I talked about how human beings need and crave to belong but are much less forthcoming when it comes to accepting others. Unfortunately, our go-to instinct is to exclude. 

To resist excluding others, we need to be hyper aware of this predilection to protect ourselves and our group at the expense of others.

As we all know, exclusion at school can happen anywhere—in the classroom, at recess, in the Dining Hall, in the hallways.

Most of the time our students aren’t being bad, immoral, or unethical when they exclude. Rather, they are just letting their innate instincts direct them versus their rationality. 

Being more empathetic and more accepting are skills and habits that must be cultivated, practiced, and reinforced. Over time they can become more automatic. 

In many ways we as teachers—and parents—need to be our students’ conscience in treating others with care, concern, and acceptance. Kids are adept at saying the right things (let’s share, include, and be nice to everyone), yet we also know in application they can be selfish, exclusive, and insensitive. 

We need to be ever vigilant of their behavior to peers and continuously reminder them why being inclusive and accepting is so important. 

Joe

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A tortoise lies on its back, legs waving in distress, until a second tortoise crawls up to turn it over. Millions have watched this scene on YouTube, with many leaving heartfelt comments. “Great sense of solidarity,” says one. “There is hope,” says another.

The viewers are responding to what many interpret as empathy — a sign that even in the animal world, life isn’t just dog-eat-dog. Alas, they’re probably wrong. As one reptile expert observed, the second tortoise’s motives were likelier more sexual than sympathetic.

Consider it a cautionary tale for our times, in which politicians urge us to cultivate more empathy, and scientists churn out volumes of work on the subject. For all its popularity, empathy isn’t nearly as simple as so many blogs and books make it seem.

Several experts to help elucidate this surprisingly elusive concept. Here are the top take-aways:

Empathy is primitive… Evidence of the most basic sort of empathy — emotional contagion, or the sharing of another being’s emotions — has been found in many species, suggesting it’s innate in humans. Abundant evidence exists for emotional contagion in animals. Rats that watch other rats suffer electric shocks show their shared fear by freezing in place. Rats will even avoid pressing a lever dispensing a sugar pellet if it means another rat won’t get shocked, in what scientists suggest is an effort to avoid that shared fear and pain. That vicarious sense of pain is evident in humans as well: Even newborn infants will cry reflexively on hearing another infant cry. Empathy evolved because of all the ways it served our ancestors. The ability to feel others’ feelings helps parents be more sensitive to the needs of their children, increasing the chance that their genes will endure. This basic sort of empathy also inspires us to take care of friends and relatives, encouraging cooperation that helps our tribe survive.

But empathy isn’t automatic: Despite its deep and ancient roots, the quality of human empathy can vary, depending on the context. Some studies have suggested that we get less skillful at empathy as adulthood progress. That may be because empathy demands cognitive skills such as paying attention, processing information and holding that information in memory, all resources that usually become scarcer with age. Older adults can perform equally well in those skills, however, when a topic of conversation is more relevant or pleasant for them — in other words, when they care more, which presumably increases their willingness to invest those resources. The nature of empathy also appears to have changed throughout human history. Harvard psychologist Steven Pinker argues that our ability to empathize with others has expanded over the past several centuries, due to trends such as increasing literacy and global commerce that make people more interdependent.

Empathy is often selfish: Empathy itself tends to be selfish, in that it’s usually directed toward those we care about the most — reflecting those evolutionary drives to care for children, relatives and others similar to ourselves. Empathy’s bias toward those nearest, dearest and most familiar is its preference for individuals over groups. Donations from all over the world flooded to refugee aid organizations after the publication of a photo of a drowned Syrian toddler on a Turkish beach. Yet they leveled off after six weeks, even as the media continued to report on the deaths of many other would-be migrants.

Empathy can be learned: Despite the controversies over empathy, most people say they want to be more empathetic. The good news is that they can be. The first step is believing that empathy is a skill that can be improved. People who believe they can grow their empathy will spend more time and effort expending empathy in challenging situations, such as trying to understand someone from a different political party. Through the years, studies have found that readers of fiction tend to be more skilled in empathy. The idea is that reading about other people helps us extend empathy to a wider circle.

Empathy only goes so far: In its simplest form, as emotional contagion, empathy may fail to lead to altruistic action, because altruism often demands some sort of sacrifice. Instead of more research on empathy, we need to see more work on understanding what he says are more powerful moral drivers, such as anger, disgust, contempt, guilt, the joy many people feel in helping others, and solidarity, the sense of agreement among people with a common interest. Amid today’s renewed concern about racial justice, it’s less helpful for a white person to tell a Black person: “I feel your pain,” than to say something like: “I can’t imagine what it’s like to be you. I see what’s happening and will not stand for it.”

Friday, January 19, 2024

How Kids Learn Right From Wrong

This week's article summary is  How Do Kids Learn Right From Wrong.

As we settle into the second half of the school year, it is important to re-establish classroom norms and procedures and re-set boundaries of acceptable behavior.

As we’ve discussed before, kids benefit from the new 3 Rs of education (routines, repetition, relationships). After a long holiday break, they’ve gotten into new routine and habits and need a number of reminders about how they are expected to behave at school in general and in your classroom in particular. 

This article is also a reminder that while teachers out of necessity often need to resort to discipline/consequences to handle student misbehavior in the short term, we always need to keep our longer-term goals in mind as well: developing in our students an internal, intrinsic sense of right and wrong, which the article calls internalization.

As you’ll see, there are certain strategies teachers—and parents as well—can use to help kids better see how their misbehavior adversely affects others. Similarly, the overarching philosophy and techniques of Positive Discipline help students begin to see that community members need on one another and that there are consequences for misbehavior.

These first few weeks of the second half of the school year are just like the first weeks of school. Taking the time to remind students of the promise we made at our first TTT to ‘care for one another’ will help re-establish behavior expectations for the rest of the year.

Joe

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As parents, our short-term goal is to get our children to listen to us and follow the rules and limits we set for our family. 

Yet, our long-term goal is to raise children who truly understand why we have created these rules and limits and develop an internal motivation to be kind and do the “right” thing.

In other words, we want them to follow rules because they care about being a kind, moral person, not just because they are scared they might get in trouble. 

This is referred to as internalization.

So how do we make sure we are working towards this long-term goal? Could our short-term discipline strategies be interfering with this long-term goal? 

A recent study found that when parents used specific discipline strategies they were more likely to have children who showed early signs of internalization of the rules than parents who used different strategies.

What strategies helped children to internalize the rules? 

Logical consequences instead of punishments. Logical consequences are consequences that are related to the child’s actions, such as taking away a toy that your child threw at their sibling, ending meal time because they are playing with their food, making your child clean up a mess that they made or leaving the playground when they aren’t following the rules. These types of consequences are more likely to result in children actually taking responsibility for the problem they created and helping children to understand the importance of the broke rule. 

Practicing “autonomy-supportive” parenting instead of “controlling” parenting. Autonomy-supportive parenting includes acknowledging your child’s feelings about a rule or limit, giving them some sort of choice or involvement in the decision-making around rules and limits, and providing the rationale behind the rule or limit. Controlling parenting often involves threats and punishment to make your child behave or trying to induce guilt or fear. Autonomy-supportive parenting helps children to internalize the rules, while controlling parenting makes children more likely to behave to please parents or avoid getting into trouble. 

How does internalization happen? This study, along with previous research, finds that, when children feel less anger and more empathy in response to their parents’ rule-setting, they are more likely to find the rule or limit acceptable. The more children accept the rule or limit, the more likely they are to appreciate and internalize the values that underlie the rule or limit. Anger in response to a parent’s discipline strategy may interfere with internalization since it makes children think more about how unfair the discipline is rather than the values their parents are trying to teach. Any parent discipline strategy that increases empathy is likely to enhance the internalization process. Logical consequences and autonomy-supportive parenting are effective because they help to reduce anger and increase empathy in the context of rule- or limit-setting. 

So how do parents apply this research?

  • Gently remind your child of a rule or limit before using any type of discipline. For example, if your child is throwing sand at the playground, remind them “We will have to leave the playground if you keep throwing sand” before following through on this logical consequence.

  • Acknowledge their feelings if they are not happy about the limit you are setting. It is so important to remember that you can hold the limit while still acknowledging they might not like it. For example, “I know you don’t like being buckled into your car seat. It feels uncomfortable for you, but it is the only safe way for us to ride in the car.”

  • Use logical consequences instead of punishments when possible. Logical consequences are consequences created by parents that are related to the behavior and make logical sense following from the behavior. For example, if your child hits their brother, you ask them to stop playing to go get him an ice pack. If they make a mess, they have to clean it up instead of watching a movie with the rest of the family. A punishment is a negative consequence that is usually unrelated to the behavior and intended to be aversive to the child so they do not repeat the challenging behavior. For example, taking away screen time when they hit their brother or yelling at a child for making a mess. Research finds that logical consequences are more acceptable to children, which makes them less likely to cause anger and more likely to increase empathy. 

  • Give them a chance to make some type of choice or participate in decision making or problem solving in some way. If your child is having difficulty with a limit or rule you set, give them a chance to make a choice. For example, you can say something like: “We need to leave the playground now, you can either walk or skip to the car.”

  • Explain the rationale behind the limit, focusing on the impact on others when possible. Explaining the rationale (translation: giving them the reason for the rule rather than just saying “because I said so”) helps to reduce children’s anger about the rule, which then increases their likelihood of internalizing the rule. In addition, focusing on how the rule impacts others can help to build empathy, which is also key for internalization. For example, you can say something like: “We have to clean up our toys otherwise someone could trip over them and get hurt” or “When you grabbed that toy from your brother’s hands, it hurt his hands and interrupted his play”. 

  • Avoid threats (“If you don’t clean up your toys, I am going to throw them away”) or anything that is meant to induce fear or guilt (“Why are you always so mean to your baby brother?”). These approaches might be effective in the moment but can come off as controlling to children and increase anger, which ultimately reduces the chances of internalization.