This week's article summary is The Myth of the Perfect Parent is Driving Parents Nuts, and it’s a follow up to last week's summary on how parenting styles have changed over the past 40 years.
Certainly parenting today is different from past generations with the hectic pace of our lives, the ubiquity of technology, an on-demand society that encourages multi-tasking, and the need to keep pace with the exotic and varied experiences other parents provide for their children.
As last week’s article highlighted, while times change, kids’ needs don’t. Above all else, they need love, attention, and connection with others, particularly their parents.
As you’ll see in the article, today’s parents often feel they fall short when it comes to spending enough time with their kids.
During preplanning we talked about the key to happiness being the quality, not the quantity, of our friendships.
The same holds true to raising children: it’s the quality of the time we spend with them!
Joe
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Children may see their parents as superheroes, but moms and dads across America would gladly agree they’re far from perfect. In fact, American parents feel an average of 23 pangs of guilt in a single week over parenting decisions they feel weren’t quite up to standard.
From trying to keep their family eating healthy to planning activities to please everyone, 75% of parents today say they feel pressure to be “perfect.” And the urge to be a flawless parent comes from everywhere: friends, family, even online through social media.
As a result of these pressures, a new study that examined how parents rate their own parenting skills found that 25% find themselves second-guessing their decisions on a regular basis. With pressure comes stress, and the #1 reason parents feel guilt is for losing their temper.
With a third being so busy with work that they’ve missed their child’s activities, sports games, or teacher meetings, the results show that not being home enough is another top reason behind parental guilt.
Moms are more than twice as likely to feel bad about giving their kids too much screen time with electronics, nagging kids over chores, and not making enough home-cooked meals.
While the average parent cooks four meals per week, 70% say they would make home-cooked meals every day if they had the time – but realistically have only about 30 minutes to prepare meals on a school night.
63% of parents say something as simple as making a home-cooked dinner makes them feel like a supermom or superdad.
One in 3 parents treat their family to a special weekend meal or a trip to a restaurant to make up for some of that guilt.
Waking up early to serve their children a wholesome, nutritious breakfast also makes parents feel successful.
Six in 10 say they will try and serve a home-cooked meal every week night.
Parenting isn’t a one-size-fits-all strategy. Doing the best you can often is the best – and parents need to recognize and celebrate all the things they do well and give themselves permission to let go of some of the guilt and set more realistic expectations. Kids likely won’t remember the details of what was served for dinner, but rather the time spent together as a family.
For parents, social media has its drawbacks. One in 5 parents admits to competing with other parents on social media by posting photos and videos of their “happy” family.
However, older millennials and Gen-X parents say they’re more likely to experience inspiration and happiness from the social posts of other parents.
Younger millennials, however, are more likely to experience negative emotions such as guilt and jealousy. And parents who use Facebook experience the most guilt.
Sixty-two percent say that if they have something to be proud of when it comes to their parenting, they’ll likely post about it on social media.
Top 10 things parents feel guilty over:
- Losing my temper
- Not playing enough with my children
- Not being home enough
- Letting my children have too much screen time
- When I don’t feel like I’m being a good role model
- Not being able to take my children on more vacations or outings
- When I don’t have time to make home-cooked meals
- Not reading enough to and with my children
- Letting my kids eat junk food
- Working too much
Top five qualities that people think makes a ‘good’ parent
- Being present for my kids
- Being a good listener and giving good advice
- Being available to help with daily homework
- Attending all or most of my children’s academic, social and extracurricular activities
- Being able to take my children on vacation
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