How to Deal With People You Don't Like

This week's article summary is 8 Things Successful People Do When They Don't Like Someone.

I’m guessing all of us have some relatives, neighbors, and/or colleagues we don’t like very much.

It’s human nature and inevitable not to like everyone you know and work with.

Yet, as the article states, we need to be able to peacefully coexist with everyone from overly narcissistic, opinionated relatives to grumpy, myopic colleagues.

The article focuses on things we can control. In other words, it’s less about how others act around us and more about how we deal with those actions.

Just as we teach our students to be caring, non-judgmental, and positive toward others, we need to do the same.

Moving from ‘my way is the only way’ to ‘there’s value and productivity in diversity and different ideas and perspectives’ benefits everyone, including ourselves.

 Joe

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Unless you're a genetic anomaly, it's likely you will meet people you don't like throughout your lifetime. After all, it's unlikely you'll simply be able to avoid people you don't like - in fact, if you restrict who you can work with, you are only limiting yourself.

Here are some tips successful people use to deal with people they don't get along with.

1. Accept that you can't get on with everyone: As much as we hope to like everyone we meet, it often simply isn't the case. The first step to dealing with the people you don't click with is accepting nobody gets on with everyone. It doesn't mean you're a bad person, and it doesn't mean they are either. Our behavioral styles can get come between people. Some are dominant, whereas others are timid. Some people are optimists and others consider themselves "realists.”

2. Try and put a positive spin on what they are saying: Try and look at how people are acting differently. Even if the person you're having difficulty with is aggravating you on purpose, getting angry about it will probably just make you look bad. So try and give them the benefit of the doubt.

3. Be aware of your own emotions: It's important to remember your own emotions matter, but ultimately you alone have control over how you react to situations. People will only drive you crazy if you allow them to. Don't let your anger spin out of control. If someone is rubbing you the wrong way, recognize those feelings and then let them go without engaging with the person. Sometimes just smiling and nodding will do the trick. The key is in treating everyone you meet with the same level of respect. That doesn't mean you have to agree with a person you don't like or go along with what they say, but you should act civilized and be polite. In doing this, you can remain firm on your issues but not come across like you're attacking someone personally, which should give you the upper hand.

4. Don't take it personally and get some space: More often than not a disagreement is probably a misunderstanding. If not, and you really do fundamentally disagree with someone, then try and see it from their perspective. Try not to overreact, because they may overreact in return, meaning things escalate quickly and fiercely. Try to rise above it all by focusing on facts, and try to ignore how the other person is reacting, no matter how ridiculous or irrational. Concentrate on the issue, not the person. If you need some space, take it. You're perfectly within your rights to establish boundaries and decide when you interact with someone.

5. Express your feelings calmly and consider using a referee: Usually, the way we communicate is more important than what we actually say. If someone is repeatedly annoying you and it's leading to bigger problems, it's probably time to say something. However, confrontation doesn't have to be aggressive. Use "I" statements, such as "I feel annoyed when you do this, so could you please do this instead." Being as specific as possible will make it more likely the person will take what you're saying on board. It will also give them a better opportunity to share their side of the story. It might be a good idea to use another person as a mediator in these discussions because they can bring a level of objectivity to a situation. You may not end up as friends, but you might find out a way to communicate and work together in an effective way. Learning to work with people you find difficult is a very fulfilling experience, and it could become one more way of showing how well you overcome barriers.

6. Pick your battles: Sometimes it might just be easier to let things go. Not everything is worth your time and attention. You have to ask yourself whether you really want to engage with the person, or your effort might be better spent just getting on with your work, or whatever else you're doing. The best way to figure this out is weighing up whether the issue is situational. Will it go away in time, or could it get worse? If it's the latter, it might be better expending energy into sorting it out sooner or later. If it's just a matter of circumstance, you'll probably get over it fairly quickly. 

7. Don't be defensive: If you find someone is constantly belittling you or focusing on your flaw, don't bite. The worst thing you can do is be defensive—it only gives the other person more power. Instead, turn the spotlight on them and start asking them probing questions, such as what in particular their problem is with what you're doing. If they start bullying you, call them out on it. If they want you to treat them with respect, they have to earn it by being civil to you, too. If you want to be sneaky to get someone to agree with you, there are psychological tricks you can use. Research suggests you should speak faster when disagreeing with someone so they have less time to process what you're saying. If you think they might be agreeing with you, then slow down so they have time to take in your message. 

8. Ultimately, remember you are in control of your own happiness: If someone is really getting on your nerves, it can be difficult to see the bigger picture. However, you should never let someone else limit your happiness or success. If you're finding their comments are really getting to you, ask yourself why that is. Are you self-conscious about something, or are you anxious about something at work? If so, focus on this instead of listening to other people's complaints. You alone have control over your feelings, so stop comparing yourself to anyone else. Instead, remind yourself of all your achievements, and don't let someone gain power over you just because they momentarily darken your day.