Three Things Over-Scheduled Kids Need

This week’s article summary is Three Things Overscheduled Kids Need More of in Their Lives.

I love the opening of the article: “Playtime, Downtime, Family Time.”

These three needs foster in kids stronger resilience, self-confidence, mental well-being, and even academic engagement.

The article explains that while kids today often have a potpourri of extracurricular activities from sports to music lessons to academic tutoring, these often adult-organized and supervised activities aren’t always enjoyed by children and can even lead to stress and anxiety.

The article also explains what I wrote about last year in one summary: while parent surveys show that they want their kids to grow up to be “happy and healthy and of good character”, kids in fact feel their parents measure their success on test score results, academic performance, and GPAs. To quote this week’s article, “what you praise reveals what you value” and too often we adults don’t praise what kids do to be happy, healthy, honest, and empathetic. The stat in the article that 80% of high school students admit to cheating for higher grades is an unsurprising result of the mixed message we give our children.

The frenetic pace of the today’s world is a challenge for adults, yet the article is a great reminder that we need to grant kids more time to be kids—to play, to chill, to hang out--if we truly want them to be happy and healthy and of strong character.

Yesterday on the 6^th grade bus trip back from Saint Simon’s the DVD player broke and for the final 2.5 hours of the trip the kids has to entertain one another. Noisy? Yes. Playtime and Downtime? Definitely! Kids being kids and having fun? Most certainly!

Enjoy the weekend and the continue hot weather!

Joe

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Playtime. Downtime. Family time.

These three factors protect kids against a host of negative outcomes, strengthen resilience, and bolster students’ mental wellness and academic engagement. 

Make Time for Downtime: Every kid needs PDF every day. It is critical for the mental health of children, but it often gets lost in all the pressures and hustle and bustle of schools. Even extracurriculars such as sports, which adults perceive as downtime, can generate a lot of pressure. The trend remains toward overscheduling children as a way to keep kids supervised while families are juggling work schedules. However, keeping kids busy with supervised activities is to the detriment of what we know kids need for healthy development, which is free, unstructured playtime. People used to say, go outside and don’t come home until it’s dark, and while that’s not feasible for most families, parents should explore activities that maximize playtime and downtime, such as sending kids to a park with one adult to keep an eye on things or choosing after-school care that allows for kid-directed play. According to research, extracurricular activities that “used to be a stress-buster” have now become key sources of stress, particularly if a child is engaged in an extracurricular activity because parents are making them or because they want to please you.  For some teenagers, extracurricular obligations almost become a full-time job on top of school and homework. One way to give children more agency over their lives is by asking them what they want to explore before signing them up for classes and activities. If you allow them to pursue their interests, it will increase their motivation. But remember, 10-year-olds “don’t need to specialize.“

Prioritize Family Time: Make sure to have daily check-in conversations with kids of every age. It’s much harder to fall through the cracks when you are getting that face-to-face attention multiple times a week, and that’s why family time is considered a protective factor. Start by making mealtime a tech-free environment for kids and adults; too often today there is not enough face-to-face conversation happening, particularly at home. When parents prioritize family time, it’s easier to listen for the meaning behind the words. Do you know who your child’s friends are, who they sit with at lunch, and which classes and activities excite their imagination? It’s amazing how infrequent it is that we really have those conversations with kids because we are on to the next activity. 

Communicate Your Values: When surveys ask parents what matters most, the top response is “We just want our kids to be happy and healthy.” But the kids are hearing very different messages. Students report that what parents really care about is grades and test scores. Why the disconnect? The first thing a parent says when a kid walks in the door is ‘How did you do on the math test?’ or ‘Have you finished your homework?’ They are forgetting to talk about things that really promote health and happiness. So the kids are getting the message that the most important thing that can happen to them during the day is what they do in school, the grades they get, where they are going to go to college, or how they did on the SAT.  This pressure often leads to increased anxiety and erodes integrity. Eighty percent of students recently surveyed admit to cheating in school. What you praise reveals what you value and a strong G.P.A. is not necessarily a sign of ethics, curiosity, or tenacity. If you want to encourage persistence and effort, that’s what you want to praise. Parents’ obsession with grades is misdirected. They fret and worry way too much over academic perfection when they should be focus much more on areas like their child’s resilience. Do they know how to cope with stress? Do they know how to get along with others? Do they know how to think outside the box and be creative?” These traits do not necessarily go hand-in-hand with top grades, but they will give students something more important than a perfect report card: the strengths and habits they need to find success in college and beyond.

Focus on What Matters Most: Schools need to be mindful of PDF and that means offering more recess, longer recess, less homework, fewer tests, and more emphasis on social-emotional development. No matter what community children live in, their developmental needs are fairly consistent. Every kid needs to feel like they belong. Every kid needs to have social and emotional learning skills. Every kid should have the opportunity to be motivated and engaged in school.