Effective Parenting

Late in the summer, child psychologist and author Madeline Levine, whose new book is Teach Your Children Well, wrote an article in the New York Times about effective parenting.

Her article “Raising Successful Children” opines that the optimal parent is “one who is involved and responsive, who sets high expectations but respects the child’s autonomy.” The result is a child who does better academically, psychologically, and socially compared to parents who are “either permissive and less involved, or controlling and more involved.”

This type of parent does not praise his/her child for their talents and abilities, but for their effort, perseverance and determination.

This type of parent understands that the “central task of growing up is to develop a sense of self that is autonomous, confident and generally in accord with reality.”

This type of parent understands the importance allowing a child the opportunity to fail and to be unhappy.

“If you can’t stand to see your child unhappy, you are in the wrong business…Small challenges that start in infancy present the opportunities for ‘successful failures’, that is, failures your child can live with and grow from. To rush in too quickly, to shield them, to deprive them of those challenges is to deprive them of the tolls they will need to handle the inevitable, difficult, challenging and sometimes devastating demands of life.”

This type of parent understands the difference between appropriate and inappropriate parental involvement in their child’s life.

This type of parent wants the best for his/her child but also recognizes it is “the child’s job to grow, while yours is to control your anxiety so it doesn’t get in the way of his reasonable moves toward autonomy.”

Finally, this type of parent knows children “thrive best in an environment that is reliable, available, consistent, and non-interfering.”