Do Masks Stunt Social-Emotional Growth?

This week's article summary is Do Masks Stunt Students' Social-Emotional Growth? 

As we all know, ‘to mask or not to mask’ remains a controversial topic in schools.

As Nurse Debbie constantly reminds us, while there are many practices we all need to follow to help limit Covid’s spread, the most important are to get vaccinated and to wear masks when around others.

One reason offered from those who oppose mask requirements in schools is they detract from students’ social emotional growth. 

As you’ll see from the interview below from the Senior Director at CASEL, there is little to no research that’s been done on this question. Yet as you’ll also read, kids wearing masks have displayed remarkable adaptability over the past 18 months and have shown growth in both their academic and social-emotional development.

So for Trinity,  if masking ensures that kids can be at school learning collaboratively with their peers and developing the skills and habits of a responsible, respectful member of a community, then masks are a minor inconvenience that helps us achieve our greater school goals for our children.

Joe

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While many students wore face masks in school last year, the issue has become incredibly heated and polarized in some regions this year. One concern that has risen out of the debates over whether children and teachers should be wearing masks in schools is whether the practice inhibits the development of social and emotional skills. But with the surge of the Delta variant, the need to protect students and school staff from infection, illness, and death is paramount. After vaccines, universal masking is the most effective way to prevent the spread of COVID, public health and medical experts say.

At the same time, social-emotional learning is a top priority for educators right now, as many see it as vital to helping students cope with the anxiety and disruptions caused by the pandemic. So, does that strip of cloth covering the nose and mouth and muffling the voice get in the way of students learning about emotions? How do masks impact teachers’ ability to get a read on how their students are feeling?

Education Week put these questions and more to Justina Schlund, the senior director of content and field learning at the Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning, or CASEL. This conversation has been edited lightly for length and clarity.

How could masks affect students’ social and emotional development: I’m not aware of any research that shows that masks have specific or meaningful social-emotional detriment to students’ development. I think, logically, part of social-emotional learning requires being able to understand other people’s emotions, and because masks cover part of the face, they probably in some ways obscure what we can see on someone else’s face in terms of their emotions, in terms of social cues that we might be responding to. But I think the question, whether this has a negative impact on their social-emotional development is a different question than, does it make it more difficult for me to see your emotion in the moment? The past year has shown us that there are lots of challenges with social-emotional connection and learning through virtual platforms. One of the things that masks allow a lot of schools and districts to do is resume in-person learning where they have more opportunities for in-person SEL or in-person relationship building that we know are also important for students.

Which is better? Is in-person and masks better than out-of-class and virtual: It is pretty agreed-upon by most of the experts in the field that in-person learning is going to be better for most students. And so the degree to which we’re able to continue that is beneficial for students, socially, emotionally, and academically. At the same time, there are lots of ways, regardless of if you’re in person or virtual, with masks or without masks, to promote students’ social-emotional learning. 

A masked teacher facing a room of masked students wants to continue imparting social-emotional skills. What are some of the workarounds? Is this an opportunity to teach new skills: It’s absolutely an opportunity to teach new skills, beginning with the most basic. We have traditionally relied on a lot of facial expressions to help talk to students about what emotions mean and look like and feel like. This is an opportunity to expand our language and awareness about emotions. Those emotions include facial expressions, and they also include body language, they also include tone of voice, and what people may be saying through their eyes or their eyebrows and helping students to tune into that type of social awareness. We’ve seen in a lot of classrooms the use of pictures and even emojis to do checks with students, to create that time to share how they’re feeling and what their perspectives are. What was critically important before the pandemic but especially now is building a really, really strong sense of community in every classroom. This means making time and space for students to learn about each other on a more personal level, to share their interests with one another, to ask each other questions, to collaborate on projects.

An important component of SEL is good decision making. How could this time offer a lesson in building that skill: We’ve seen this throughout the pandemic. This brought up a lot of conversations in classrooms and homes with students about what does it mean to be a good community member. And what does it mean to make decisions that are responsible and that benefit not just myself, but my family and other people? Whether or not schools are choosing to have masks on right now, it’s opened up a conversation for students to engage in around how can we keep each other safe and healthy. And what factors do I need to weigh to make those types of decisions? What are some of the pros and cons, exactly? And then, how can we all work together to make those healthy decisions that keep our community safe? We often talk about SEL within the school walls, but there’s so much SEL that’s going on at home and in the community as well. Even if students have moments where they’re masked at school, they have so many opportunities to practice facial recognition of emotions and things like that at home with their families, or outside on the playground. We need to think about SEL beyond the confines of school. 

This week's article summary is How to Foster Confidence in Young Children.

As we begin to settle into the routine of school, it’s critical in the first weeks of school that we establish a safe, trusting classroom in which our students can push and challenge themselves and gain self-assurance as they learn and grow.

While confidence ultimately is an intrinsic quality, it needs to be nourished, encouraged, and cultivated externally. 

The article below is intended for parents yet its advice is applicable to the classroom.

Celebrating the process of learning including effort, gently pushing your students beyond their comfort zone, encouraging their independence, and trusting them to make the right decision are all aspects of an effective classroom. 

These first weeks of school set a strong foundation for the remainder of the year and will buoy your students as they gain confidence, one of the outcomes of a Trinity education.

Thank you for all your efforts in making these first days of school so productive and foundational!

Joe

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Here are seven ways to instill self-confidence in your child.

1. Make your help contingent on their self-help: As parents we want to do everything we can to help our children, but at some point, everything does nothing for their development and confidence. This one's hard for me because that parental instinct to "rescue" my daughter kicks in, creating a desire to intervene and help solve her problems. But I've learned that making shortcuts for her only lengthens her road to true self-confidence. And I see the results-- when she tackles something on her own, she walks taller. 

2. Applaud the effort, not just the result: Over the long haul, consistently trying hard builds more confidence than intermittently doing well. That's because in trying hard the child knows they're doing their best, they see progress in some measure, and will define success in smaller steps along the way. These constant micro-wins and knowing that they're giving their full effort add up to sustainable confidence.

3. Don't tell them when you're worried about them: Expressing confidence creates confidence. It's our job as parents to be worried about our kids, but telling them we are is unhelpful (except on things related to their safety or health). When you do, you plant seeds of doubt, not growth. It's up to you to ensure the latter. I've seen the power of the latter many times as a leader. I tell someone who's not so confident that I believe in them and then their performance soars, thus boosting their self-confidence-- a wonderful virtuous cycle.

4. Encourage practice outside of pressure: As an adult, you should practice the way you'll be performing, under simulated conditions of pressure. Not so as a child. The point of practicing for kids is to instill the confident expectation that improvement will follow. You already know you'll get better with practice, kids need to learn this. And children build competence and confidence simultaneously in supportive environments.

5. Let them act their age: In certain areas you might want your child to mature faster. But striving to meet advanced age expectations can reduce confidence. There are two exceptions to this, however. The first is letting the child make as many decisions as possible, even more than their age might dictate (as appropriate). Second, encourage them to excel at their natural talents/advanced skills that by default put them ahead of their age (i.e. don't hold them back in those cases). Both of these exceptions build confidence, not burst it.

6. Expand their circle of challenge: Give your child new challenges, experiences, and responsibilities, and praise them for their courage in taking them on. When they make the inevitable mistakes, help them see those mistakes as a necessary part of the learning process. Share your own stories of failure and improvement, too. And give feedback and suggestions for improvement versus criticism. More often than not, parental criticism reduces the child's self-valuing and motivation.

7. Let them see you succeed at something: They're watching you. So demonstrate some moments of triumph to subtly ingrain, "If mom/dad can do it..." Just remember, don't expect them to do it as well as you or you undermine the point.

Assessing Your Emotional Intelligence

This week's article summary is 5 Questions to Assess Your Emotional Intelligence.

I liked that the article’s focus is on us—Trinity’s faculty/staff—and the importance of how we work in concert and in collaboration with one another. Our community bonding during preplanning sets us up for a great school year!

I also liked the article’s simple five questions we should ask ourselves about how we interact with others. As teachers, these are the same expectations we have for our students as they develop essential social-emotional skills and habits, particularly interpersonal,  needed for success in school and beyond.

Thank you for a wonderful first two days of school! Have a restful weekend!

Joe

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Employees who exhibit emotional intelligence (EQ) improve teamwork, communicate better with team members, and share ideas as well as are open to others' ideas. They are also highly adaptable and adjust easily to change and challenging situations.

In practical terms, employees with high EQ know how to handle unhappy customers, disgruntled co-workers, or managers not pleased with their work.

Is there a good metric for getting started in the right direction toward building up your EQ skills? 

You can start by asking a few look-in-the-mirror questions to help you determine where you measure up against the principles of EQ. Answering each question with a 'yes' will reveal your EQ aptitude.

Do you respond rather than react: High-EQ people typically respond, rather than react, with a more patient, "keep calm" approach. They process a situation, get perspective, listen without judgment, and hold back from reacting head-on.

Do you practice self-control: People with high EQ maintain control over their emotions. Self-control is a learned skill to help you be more present, calmer, and focused during times of high stress. It's a necessary emotional skill with a long-term payoff.

Do you exercise self-awareness: People with high EQ are adept at self-awareness and are able to see both sides of an issue to choose a different, and better, outcome.

Do you adapt well to change: Adaptability is a key hallmark of people with high EQ. They are able to recognize when to stay the course and when it's time for a change. In other words, when one strategy is not working, high-EQ people evaluate and determine a different course of action.

Do you serve the needs of others: Besides focusing on their own success, people with high EQ also maintain a strong desire for wanting to see the people around them succeed.

Getting Consistent with Consequences

Thank you all for an uplifting first week of preplanning.

For me, there’s always a mixture of excitement and nervousness as we begin preplanning and begin to put the finishing touches on all the work and effort needed for a smooth opening of school as we look forward to welcoming our students and their parents back on campus. I always enjoy preplanning (much longer and more formalized here in Atlanta than in other schools I’ve worked in), especially the opportunity for us to learn, grow, collaborate, and socialize together. This year it’s been particularly enjoyable as we’re meeting in-person, not via Zoom or Google Meet!

For those of you new to Trinity, most Fridays during the school year, I send out an educational article that piqued my interest and that I hope provokes thought in you as well.

As we live in fast-paced times, we’ve grown accustomed to the limited characters of Twitter and short video clips of YouTube and TikTok. Hence, I try to edit down the article to its most salient points so it’s a quick read. (If available, I link the full article.)

I try to find articles applicable to early childhood/elementary education in general and Trinity in particular.

I don’t necessarily agree with every article, but I enjoy articles that make me think, ask me to reflect on my educational beliefs, and perhaps even confront my educational biases. As we discussed in our DEI session this morning, our unconscious blindspots need a little cognitive dissonance and our brains need us to practice metacognition!

The school year’s first article summary is Getting Consistent with Consequences.

As you’ll see in the article (which is much longer than what I usually post as there’s so much valuable info in it), student behavior in schools is an age-old challenge. One of the article’s recommendations is for a school to agree on how it will approach, model, reinforce rules, norms, guidelines to help students behave in the moment as they develop vital social-emotional (SEL) skills, habits, and attitudes.

In the MyTrinity page of our website is the Social Emotional Learning Tile and it lays out Trinity’s SEL tenets, in essence best-practices from both Positive Discipline and Responsive Classroom.

The article below provides a comprehensive overview of classroom rules and consequences. I urge you to read and digest the article and discuss with your fellow teachers in your classroom, on your grade, and in your division.

Joe 

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Few topics cause as much angst in schools as consequences for problematic behavior. Colleagues can view the same challenging behavior and have wildly different ideas about an appropriate consequence. Educators can struggle with the proper use and role of consequences in schools even more than with academic issues. Why is getting consequences right so hard?

I'll explore here several ideas about consequences. One thread runs through them all: Using consequences effectively requires taking a nuanced view of disciplinary situations—and that's hard. 

Most of us would prefer consequences to be cut-and-dried. If a student does X, then Y should happen. This perhaps explains the appeal of one-size-fits-all approaches like "three strikes and you're out" or zero-tolerance policies. These systems are comforting because they seem to offer quick, easy solutions. We can feel like we've done something and get back to teaching.

When we step back, however, we realize that the reality of teaching students appropriate behaviors is much more complex. Punishing a student for a misbehavior offers us the illusion that we've held that student accountable, but have we really? 

Let's consider some reasons educators struggle with consequences, and how we might avoid each obstacle and employ consequences more effectively.

Consequences" Means Different Things to Different People

One reason adults in schools often struggle with reaching common ground on consequences is that when we use the term consequences, we're not all talking about the same thing. There are several different types of consequences for problematic behavior, so we should be clear about which type we're discussing or using.

• Natural consequences don't require any adult action or intervention; they simply happen. If Maria doesn't wear a coat to recess on a chilly day, she'll be cold. Natural consequences can be great learning opportunities for students, as long as they're not overly damaging.
• Logical consequences differ from natural ones in that they require adults to implement them. According to Jane Nelsen, effective logical consequences fit four criteria: they must be related to the behavior, respectful of the student, reasonable for the student to carry out, and (whenever possible) revealed in advance so the student knows the potential consequences of their actions ahead of time. These kinds of consequences can be powerful in maintaining calm, safe, and respectful learning environments.
• Punishments are the antithesis of logical consequences. They're often harsh and frequently involve shaming students. They can breed resentment and diminish students' sense of self, often leading to even more disruptive behavior in the future. They can even model bullying, in which people with more power (teachers) impose their will on others (students) through force.

With practice and understanding, educators can gain more consistency and ensure they rely on natural and logical consequences rather than punishments, even in the heat of the moment. 

We Try to Get Consistent with Consequences Before We're Consistent in Beliefs

Many factors go into our personal beliefs about effective discipline. The way we were raised, both at home and in school, is a huge one that often lurks below the surface. Our teacher-preparation programs and internships play a large role in how we view discipline in schools, and even the way we approach problem behaviors as parents can impact how we interact with students. With so many factors influencing how we view discipline and so many various (often conflicting) methods floating around, it's easy to see why approaches can differ greatly from one classroom to the next.

There's an underlying instinct in schools to view discipline the way U.S. society views parenting—you do your thing, I'll do mine, and we stay out of each other's business. Schools often have more success adopting common academic curricula than behavioral ones. Educators seem to be more comfortable being responsible to each other around, say, literacy strategies than around discipline strategies.

Educators need to start with some basic beliefs such as,  All kids want to do well, all students want to be a positive member of a community, all students need caring adults in their lives.

We Want Consequences to "Work," but Haven't Defined What That Means

Teachers often think, "I'm looking for a consequence that works." But what exactly do we mean by "works"? This gets to one of the most complex issues surrounding consequences. Knowing how to choose the right reaction to misbehavior requires us to understand what consequences can and can't do. Let's look at this issue more closely.

• Consequences can stop misbehavior in the moment. If we have a class rule that says that we will be safe, and two students are shoving in line, we split those students up. This creates a tone of safety and order.
• Consequences can get students back on track. If Jesse is playing Fortnite on his phone instead of working on his research project, and you say "Jesse, put your phone on my desk. You can get it back at the end of the period," you've just acted as Jesse's prefrontal cortex, enabling him to get back to work.
• Consequences can be part of how students learn. Stacy is playing with her snack. Her pretzels drop on the floor and she spills her milk, then asks for another bag of pretzels. "Nope," we reply. "Students get one bag of pretzels. Here's a dustpan and brush to clean up the mess." The natural consequence of losing her snack and the logical consequence of having to clean up help Stacy learn to be more careful.
• Consequences can't teach missing skills. Punishing a kid doesn't teach that kid the skills he or she needs to be successful. Even natural and logical consequences can't teach capabilities that students don't already possess. If a student doesn't have the self-soothing skills needed to handle frustration, giving her a consequence when she melts down over a test won't help her the next time a test rolls around.
• Consequences can't work as our only strategy. Imagine if we tried to teach students to write by simply circling their errors and making them rework their writing. While this might be one strategy to use as students are revising and editing, we know that they'll also need direct instruction in effective writing strategies, time to practice and make mistakes, and a nurturing environment.

 We Miss the Middle Ground

 When we don't use consequences at all or wait too long to use them, we become permissive. When adults set limits but don't follow through, students feel unsafe, which often leads them to push limits. It's almost like they're begging us to be in control—to keep them safe. However, the overuse of consequences—especially punitive ones—also leads to an unsafe climate. When teachers yell, levy harsh punishments for minor mistakes, or are overly controlling, the classroom climate becomes one of fear and resentment. Both permissive and punishment-heavy cultures put students, especially those already on the edge, in a place where it's almost impossible to learn well.

An important part of getting to that sweet spot between permissiveness and harshness is getting clear about how consequences feel for students. Again, this is nuanced and tricky. On the one hand, if a student has to leave the classroom because she was out of control, she may feel bad—but we shouldn't make feeling bad the goal. To invoke shame isn't productive or respectful. At the same time, we don't want the consequence of being removed from the room to feel like a party. Sitting quietly with a book or working on a jigsaw puzzle might soothe a student's spirit, helping him regain control so he can rejoin class. But if the student's allowed to play video games or is given candy during a time-out, this might send confusing messages and inhibit his ability to calm down.

When we're in that desirable middle ground, consequences help a classroom feel safe, orderly, and predictable. Students understand that mistakes, both academic and behavioral ones, are part of the learning process, and that their teacher is there to support them. They aren't necessarily happy when they experience consequences, but they aren't devastated. The overall tone of the classroom is one of firm caring and support.

We Act with Emotion, Not Reason

Using consequences effectively requires educators to react with reason and logic when our inclination is to be emotional. When a student says something mean to a classmate, we feel outrage for the child who is insulted. When annoying pencil drumming interrupts a lesson, we feel frustration grow.

Our students need us to be strong enough to react with reason, not emotion. They need to see what it looks like when mature adults respond to frustration in calm, respectful ways. And they need to be treated with dignity and respect, especially when they're in a crisis.

 We Misunderstand Consequences' Role in the Big Picture

There's a common misunderstanding about the role consequences play in the broader picture of discipline. Too often, educators view consequences as the center of the picture and see all other supportive strategies—like teaching skills, modeling appropriate behavior, and building relationships—as tangential. In fact, relationships should be at the center, with all other strategies seen as tangents. Without relationships, everything else falls apart.

This shift in perspective helps teachers change the question they often ask when considering consequences—"What's the consequence that will fix the problem?"—to a better question—"Is there a consequence that might be part of how we help this student?"

That shift is especially helpful for our most vulnerable students. It's a sad irony that kids who often aren't strong enough to benefit from the potential teaching power of consequences are the ones most likely to be hammered with frequent punishments. At the same time, kids who have the emotional stability and behavioral skills to learn from consequences are often excused from them ("She's a good kid and usually on track. I'll just give her a warning.").

 Digging Deeper

Consequences are tough. On the one hand, they're critically important. Like a rumble strip on a road, they help set clear boundaries and keep students and teachers safe—so that challenging behaviors don't spiral out of control. At the same time, we must not over-rely on them, because they have limited power to teach positive behaviors. 

Additionally, educators shouldn't adopt black-and-white consequence systems, since children are all different and each situation is nuanced—and yet a school that doesn't have a consistent approach to consequences will create anxiety for everyone. 

So we must engage in robust conversations with colleagues, developing more consistent beliefs and understandings of the role of consequences and practicing appropriate responses. When we do this, we create a school culture that's structured and safe while also supportive and respectful of students.

Thank You For an Unforgettable School Year

 The final article summary of the 2020-21 school year is Educators Share the Best Teaching Advice They've Received.

It’s fitting for the final summary of the year because it captures the vital values we need to embrace in order to guide and educate our students and to find the balance of the personal and professional in our lives. 

I’ve been in education since 1980, and while I’ve had ups and downs (mostly ups) and seen many new ideas come and go (and a few good ones stay), the past 14 months have indisputably been the most challenging and fretful of my career. 

I consider myself fortunate that I am optimistic by nature, one of the values listed below. The 24/7 demands and the frustrating fits and starts of the past year tested me--and all other optimists. I kept expecting the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel, but until a few weeks ago that light proved elusive. There’s an old Lou Reed song with the chorus ‘You need a boatload of faith to get by’: we needed a flotilla of faith this year!

But, as I said in yesterday’s end-of-year meeting, we did it! We did it in exemplary fashion! We did it together as one community! And, most importantly, we made a difference in the lives and education of our students!

There aren’t appropriate words to thank all of you for tireless efforts, endless imagination, gymnastic flexibility (another value below), iron-clad unity, and indefatigable positivity this year! 

As we gradually begin to put the 2020-21 school year in our rearview mirror and over time can start to reflect on it with the lens of perspective, we will swell with pride in what we accomplished. We were tested individually and collectively and we rose to the challenge and emerge from the tunnel stronger than ever.

But for right now, let’s enjoy a physically and emotionally restful break to replenish our soul and spirit

Enjoy summer and our readjustment to normalcy!

Joe

Classroom management: Will what I am about to do or say bring me closer or will it push me away farther from the person with whom I am communicating? Sometimes—not often, but sometimes—I can lose my temper a bit with a student. Each time that has happened since I read that line, I have been able to remember that wise piece of advice and shift gears. Obviously, it would have been better for me not to get upset in the first place, but, of course, I am only human.

Flexibility: The most important teaching advice I have ever received and I now give is to “be flexible.” Flexibility is the quality of bending easily without breaking. In my 24 years of teaching, I’ve learned that successful and happy teachers are ones who are flexible—flexible in their thinking, in the way they teach, and in their response to situations. As much as I enjoy being a teacher, I don’t think I could have lasted this long if I had not learned to be flexible. For, as much as you plan out your day and your lessons, there inevitably will be disruptions and distractions that will pop up. I always come to school prepared for the lessons I’m going to teach that day, but I’ve learned to go with the flow if there are any changes. I’ve learned to adapt. The pandemic we are experiencing at present is a perfect example of teachers being flexible. We’ve had to adapt to a new way of teaching—from working with students in the classroom to teaching virtually through the computer. We’ve had to learn to use different programs to record lessons that teach content effectively while also being engaging. We’ve had to come up with ways to motivate our students at a distance. In this situation, teachers who have a flexible mindset fared better than those that have not mastered this skill.

The Best Version of Themselves: Simple, yet profound: See people for better than they currently are and always believe that they are doing the absolute best that they can. This advice works for teachers working with kids, teachers working with other teachers, instructional leaders working with their staff, and quite frankly, it works with every human being who has the privilege of engaging with another human being. I truly believe that when we have the mindset that people are giving us the very best version of themselves at the given moment, it changes how we behave. Couple that mindset with the belief that we can all get better, AND we have the unique and profound opportunity of trying to help others grow into a version of themselves that is better than their current iteration, is to me the essence of education and leadership. We are all unfinished, and in education and leadership, we have the privilege of being a small part of people’s continued growth. Keeping this in mind will always provide a direction and a motivation for any teacher, and as a result, it is the most important piece of advice I can possibly provide to anyone lucky enough to be a part of the world’s greatest profession.

Do What You Know Is Best for Kids: Teaching has changed so much since I began in 2004. However, some of the best advice I ever received was to go in your room, close the door, and do what you know is best for kids. I have seen what feels like a million fads come and go, all in the name of research, fidelity, and increasing student achievement. These can all be good things, but ultimately, you know your students and what they need. Sometimes, what they need is a fun activity that helps them connect with one another and feel less isolated. Sometimes what they need is to go outside and learn in the sunshine, because they have been cooped up all day and are stressed. If you always have the intention of doing what is best for kids, regardless of the fads that come and go, you will be doing just fine. One more piece of advice? Stay out of the gossip mill. If someone will talk to you about someone else, that means they’ll talk about you to someone else, too. Don’t get sucked into that negativity ... our job is too big and too important, and the kids need you. Rise above all that and keep it professional! Anything else is just wasted energy.

Maintain High Standards: A high-quality education is not going to come from repeated practice in packets and worksheets. The lessons that are planned need to be rigorous and engaging while providing scaffolds that allow students to learn at a high level. All students deserve the opportunity to be challenged and take part in a productive struggle that helps them take ownership of their learning and build their confidence. In order for this to take place, teachers need to have deep content knowledge and be ready to implement a variety of instructional strategies that will support student learning.

What Benefits the Student? The most important advice I was ever given came in the form of a question. In my early teaching years, I struggled over a grade for a student which would doom the student’s opportunity to succeed. Though I can’t remember the details, the grade question was being determined by the everybody-on-the-same-page grading rules. In seeking advice, my department chair asked me, “What would be the best course of action for this student?” Not only did that make my decision crystal clear (the student would in no way benefit if I placed the rules above my concern for the student), but I appreciated the wisdom of the question. It shaped my behavior toward all of my students from that point forward and is still the guiding principle in all issues which arise both in and out of the classroom: What benefits the student?

Capture Multiple Perspectives: The best lessons I have learned on my journey as an educator have emerged from my experiences as a learner. As a member of a marginalized group, it was not until I approached my graduate studies that I was able to pinpoint reasons why I always felt I never actually “fit” in any of my educational contexts, not even at the university level. It was in graduate school that I realized that my peers and my professors didn’t really understand me as a covered Palestinian Muslim female beyond the stereotypical me presented in mainstream media and had approached me with that lens. The feeling that I was having was that of an outsider, that of “the other.” I didn’t know that is how I was feeling until I learned the terminology as an aspiring educational leader, an opportunity that many students will never have, causing them to go through life without the ability to name feelings of discomfort and suffocation and understand their origin. This leads to my advice and my mantra as an educator: Immerse yourselves in the “otherness” that comprises the demographics in your school context. You cannot serve students you don’t understand equitably and with fidelity. Implicit biases are a real thing. We are immersed in media that will feed those biases making them more real than ever. As great as technology is, it has enhanced this process. It’s your job as an educator to make yourself vulnerable and put on the hat of the learner. Go beyond asking your students questions; students don’t want to stand out for being different. Capture multiple perspectives for any one group. Do not fall into the trap of assuming that one experience represents that of a whole group even if it is the experience of a member of that group.

Take Care of Ourselves: A principal once told me that teachers are wired and trained to take care of everyone else first and themselves last. We have to actively fight that trend to preserve longevity in the profession. This hit home the most when we had an act of violence occur at our school. Her words assuaged my guilt in asking for what I needed in the days after the event.

Being Smart and Working Hard

This week's article summary is Why the Myth of the Lazy Genius is So Harmful.

As I read the article, I thought of Carol Dweck’s growth mindset work’s influence on how teachers speak to their students: we overtly emphasize the importance of grit, determination, and hard work in overcoming obstacles.

Yet, as the article implies, when teachers stress the need for effort, our students, particularly girls, can draw the conclusion that success comes primarily from effort, not from intelligence.

The article points out that girls as young as six may not believe that they are ‘really, really smart.’

It’s a delicate balance we face in the classroom. We want to develop good work and study habits in our students because we know how important a strong attitudinal and organizational foundation is to future success.

But if our students only feel their success is a result of effort, they may become perfectionists who work harder than they need to. 

It wasn’t until I was a junior in college that I was learned to honestly self-assess how well I knew the material before exams. Over time, I became confident in both my abilities and in my preparation. If I knew the material, I would stop studying the night before a big exam. Had I thought that my success was solely a result of my studying efforts, I probably would have continued to study, even though I know the material. 

I know Dweck’s Growth Mindset has tilted the scales toward effort, but let’s not neglect to remind kids that they have innate ability as well.

Joe

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Let’s play a game. Close your eyes and think of a young person in your life who has a lot of intellectual potential but hasn’t lived up to it because of a lackluster work ethic.

Now, think of another young person who maybe isn’t as gifted but has accomplished a lot because of sheer determination.

Got them picked out?

If I were to guess, I’d say you probably came up with a boy for the first example (the “lazy genius”) and a girl for the second (the “striver”). 

Just think of the Harry Potter series. Harry was born with great magical powers, which enabled him to defeat the villain even though he didn’t spend much time studying at wizard school (and had the middling grades to show for it). In contrast, his female friend Hermione was very, very studious—yet, her magic powers were only those of a sidekick.

Unwittingly, we often allow the same Harry/Hermione dynamic to color our perceptions of boys and girls at home and in the classroom. And, not surprisingly, children absorb these ideas: By the age of 6, girls are already less likely than boys to view their own gender as “really, really smart.”

These perceptions matter because many prestigious careers, including those in science and technology, are looking for Harrys—people who have that “raw” intellectual firepower that Hermiones are often unjustly assumed to lack.

What can we do about this? While we might be tempted to immediately apologize to all the capable girls we know for failing to recognize their genius, that’s probably not the way to go. When young people are praised for their smarts, they often lose motivation in the face of difficulty.

Instead, let’s glamorize striving and ambition, making students like Hermione the protagonists, not the sidekicks. And boys shouldn’t be the yardstick of gender equality: Girls don’t need to be treated more like boys—rather, many boys would be better off if adults didn’t use the “lazy genius” idea as an excuse for underachievement.

Don’t assume that girls’ hard work is somehow compensating for a lack of “natural” talent. A person can be both gritty and talented.

Do explain to the young people in your life how much talent and ability can grow.  In real life—unlike in the movies—Hermiones are just as capable as Harrys, whether they are girls or boys.

How to Raise Resilient Kids

 This week's article summary is How to Raise Resilient Kids and it’s a follow-up to last week’s summary that focused on the TEAM approach to parenting (and teaching) through togetherness, encouragement, autonomy, minimal interference.

One hoped-for result of TEAM parenting/teaching is that children will develop resilience—the ability to bounce back from disappointments/missteps, not give up, persevere, etc.

The article below reminds all of us that becoming resilient takes time and requires opportunities to err, make adjustments, and learn from experience.

Ultimately resilience is intrinsic. Even if we’re supported externally, resilience comes from inside us. It’s a character trait that some of us develop more intuitively while others need significant guidance, reminders, and role models/examples.

While the article’s six needs to support resilience development aren’t earthshattering, they are a reminder that we adults (parents and teachers) need to be purposeful and deliberate in helping our children become more confident, assured, and independent. After all, Trinity is a caring, nurturing environment not simply to help kids enjoy their childhood but to grow and develop the skills, attitudes, and habits needed for future success and happiness.

Joe

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Resiliency—the ability to bounce back from tough experiences—has been a buzzword during the pandemic as parents wonder how months of isolation, anxiety and boredom will impact their children in the long term. Luckily, there are things parents can do to help their kids protect themselves against the negative effects of stressful times. 

“Resiliency is a skill that can be learned, practiced and developed as kids grow,” says Allie Riley, who oversees programming and evaluation for Girls on the Run, a non-profit that helps girls develop social and emotional skills through physical activity. “It’s important because everyone will face challenges or setbacks at some point in their life, and when they’ve had the chance to develop their resiliency muscles, they’ll be better able to move through whatever their challenge might be.”

Parents should not expect their kids to naturally just be resilient; it’s a skill that can be learned and practiced. Helping youth develop resiliency isn’t something parents can do in one day or with one conversation. It’s something that happens over time through dynamic parent-child interactions as parents make intentional decisions based on what abilities they desire to see their children exhibit over time.

There’s no manual on raising resilient kids, but experts say some parenting strategies can make a difference, no matter what your family context is or what challenges your kids might be facing.

Be intentional: Parents often have an idea of the kind of person they want their child to be when they reach adulthood. Whether a strong work ethic, kind personality or positive outlook on life is highest on a parent’s wish list for their child, a guiding philosophy can help parents make choices that will move their child in that direction. “When parents identify resiliency as a trait they want their grown-up child to possess, and as something that will take time and practice to build, they can make the sort of day-to-day parenting decisions that will help their child build their resiliency,” says James. Knowing that they value resilience can, for example, help parents decide when to step in when a child expresses frustration about completing a school assignment or guide the way they introduce new skills and chores as a child matures. James likens the process to teaching a child to drive. “The ultimate goal is to have a child that is able to drive safely anywhere, but you don’t start them out on the freeway. Instead, you start small and help them work their way up.”

Teach kids to recognize and name their feelings: When kids can effectively recognize and name their emotions, they’re able to connect those emotions to specific strategies that will help them move forward in a healthy way. For example, kids might recognize that they’re feeling nervous and know that talking to a parent or caregiver can help them relax, or that they’re feeling angry and that going for a run can help them clear their head. This sort of emotional management is a key aspect of resiliency. “One of the first steps in being able to regulate emotions is being able to name what we’re feeling,” says Riley. Parents can start when their kids are as young as toddlers by pointing out facial expressions and physical reactions and tying them to specific feelings. They might say, “Molly, your mouth is making a frown and your fists are squeezed tight—it looks like you’re feeling mad, is that right?” As kids mature, parents can continue to help their child identify the emotions they’re experiencing as a first step in brainstorming a response.

Foster supportive relationships: Positive relationships often serve as a buffer for the rough stuff in life. While parents shouldn’t try to orchestrate their kid’s whole social life, teaching them how to have healthy relationships will enable them to do so on their own. Parents can teach kids about relationships by talking about how they choose friends, how they act as a good friend and how they handle conflict. And when parents have these types of relationships themselves, children notice. “Kids learn a lot about the world by watching their caregivers,” says Riley, “so it’s also important to try to model the sort of relationship we want them to have.”

Teach kids to ask for help: A resilient person doesn’t always bounce back from tough situations all by themselves. Asking for help is critical, and it doesn’t always come naturally, especially for kids. “Asking for help and support is an important skill for kids and adults,” says James, “but it can feel hard to ask for help for a variety of reasons.” Parents can help kids learn to ask for help by modeling what that looks like in their life, being open about times they’ve needed support and being receptive and supportive when kids come to them for help.

Help kids develop a range of coping strategies: “It’s good to have one strategy to help you feel better when you’re experiencing uncomfortable emotions, but it’s even better to have a whole range of strategies in case one is not working or not possible,” says Riley. Parents can offer suggestions like taking deep breaths, talking with a friend or going for a walk. As a child gets older, parents can ask questions, like, “What do you think would help you feel calmer right now?” to help them discover what works best for them when times get tough.

Give kids a chance to practice their life skills: “Every parent wants to protect their children from the hard things in the world,” says James, “and while that’s understandable, protecting them from every hard thing doesn’t allow them to develop and practice the skills they need to be resilient or effectively navigate life’s challenges.” While it might be tempting for parents to call the coach who cut their kid from the team or deliver the homework binder their child left on the counter on their way to school, parents should consider the skills their child won’t get a chance to practice if they step in every time. While stressful times are rife with downsides, they can also bring opportunities to hone resilience. Klopp says that her children are weathering the pandemic as well as can be expected, and they’re practicing new habits and skills to cope. “We have hard days sometimes, but we do our best to look on the bright side and be really mindful about the things we’re grateful for,” she says. The family has started spending more time in their backyard garden to relieve stress, and Klopp has used all the together time to teach her children how to be a little more responsible for their own belongings and space. “I think that our kids are developing some new skills and some new gratitude,” she says, “and I’m glad we’ve been able to help them do that.”