iPad Babies Have More Tantrums

 This week’s article summary is Why iPad Babies Have More Tantrums.

The author is an educational researcher on the effects screen time has on children’s cognitive, social-emotional, and physical development. Her research began years ago by measuring the length of time kids watched television, which used to be the dominant entertainment technology. Today mobile phones and tablets are more commonly used by children. 

Whether it’s TV or iPads, she has consistently found a correlation between the overuse of technology and delays in children’s physical, cognitive, and social-emotional development. 

But there’s a major difference between TV and mobile devices: televisions aren’t portable.

With mobile devices, parents have a readily-available babysitter beyond the living room — the article refers to using mobile devices to keep kids occupied as digital pacification. 

Many kids today use a mobile device not only as a distraction but also as a calming device when they are emotionally dysregulated. Research shows that by using an extrinsic method, younger children aren’t being given the chance to develop their own internal calming and coping mechanisms, i.e., developing executive function skills, discussed in last week’s summary

This inability to regulate emotions in age-appropriate ways has an adverse effect on students in school: poorer attention, lack of self-regulation, inability to work with others, difficulty with problem solving, etc.

While I am always hesitant to find one cause for a change in students, the article is a reminder that as an elementary school, Trinity needs to avoid leaning too heavily on technology. It’s a useful tool, but our children need face-to-face time with peers to build the skills they need for middle school and beyond.

I do wonder if the technology pendulum has begun to swing back: at this year’s Admissions Open Houses, prospective parents have asked how we limit technology use in the classrooms. Perhaps our incoming students will be less reliant on technology as their parents are beginning to limit its use and availability at home.

Joe

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We’ve all seen it happen: a young child is having a tantrum in public. They get fussy, sitting in the seat of the grocery cart or waiting with their parents to board a plane. Their voice gets louder, their face goes red. They might start pulling things off the shelves at the store, kicking their seat or even their parents. 

But before the cranky child reaches full-blown meltdown mode, they’re pacified; a tablet appears before them, playing their favorite cartoon, and, like magic, the tantrum is forgotten. The child stares, wide-eyed at the screen. Everyone around them sighs, thankful that the meltdown was avoided. 

I’ve been studying children’s screentime since 2009. Back then, I was interested in how TV consumption was contributing to their early school readiness and development.  

I studied a sample of children born in 1998 who would have been preschoolers in the early 2000s—years before the introduction of tablets and smartphones. Our studies found that TV screentime contributed to children’s school readiness across the board: it was related to their cognitive readiness, their social readiness, and their physical motor readiness. Kids who spent more hours per day watching television had less classroom engagement, more interpersonal problems with peers, a smaller vocabulary, and worse motor development. 

Of course, TV is no longer the default screen for kids. A 2025 report by Common Sense Media found that 40 per cent of toddlers have their own tablet by the time they’re two. Children in the two-to-four age range spent about two hours per day on screens, while those under two watch screens for about one hour per day. 

Imagine a three-year-old named Emma who likes to watch her favorite cartoon on a tablet. Her parents are happy because it keeps her occupied while they make dinner or do chores. But over time, Emma wants to spend more time on the tablet. When her parents say no, she gets angry and frustrated. The tablet calms her down, so sometimes, Emma’s parents bring it out to avoid a tantrum. This is what researchers call digital emotion regulation, or digital pacifying, and it’s an effective and often immediate strategy. The child calms down nearly instantly, and parents avoid a public outburst. In the short term, it’s a miracle. In the long term, not so much. 

In 2020, I ran a study measuring children’s and parents’ screen use. We found that three-year-olds who spent more time on tablets had more outbursts of anger and frustration one year later. We also found that, by age four, the children who had more outbursts were more likely to have even more screen use by age five. In a separate study, we asked parents how frequently they used tablets specifically with the aim of calming children down. Once again, more tablet use at age three was associated with more outbursts of anger and frustration at age four, and worse self-control. 

It’s a vicious cycle, where using screens to calm tantrums actually increases how often a child has tantrums in the future. We don’t know exactly what it is about screens that are causing this spiral, but it likely comes back to the fact that a tablet is an external regulation tool. That’s why it’s an effective way to stop a meltdown—it shifts children’s focus away from their emotions and onto the screen. It’s a quick fix, but it stops children from learning to regulate themselves.

Educators are concerned that children are coming into kindergarten with insufficient autonomy. This is one of the first times we expect kids to act on their own—they need to be able to take off their own jackets, follow instructions for classwork, sit at their desks. When kids struggle with autonomy, they have a hard time adapting to this transition.

Anecdotally, I’ve heard from early childhood professionals who say children now struggle more with social situations. When a conflict arises—say, if another child takes their toy—they are overly reliant on the teacher to intervene. I’ve also heard occupational therapists say they are noticing more and more young children with motor delays who can’t tie their shoes, zip up their jackets, or put on their winter clothes.

These delays might be explained by the displacement hypothesis: if children are spending more time using screens, they have less time for imaginary play, exploring their environment, or interacting with caregivers or other children. Screens can borrow time away from these activities that are developmentally essentially for children. 

Children generally improve their self-regulation during preschool years, but it’s not an automatic fix: they need adults to help them. One way is through shared book-reading, when parents can explain how characters handle negative emotions. Understanding how Junie B. Jones deals with a tough situation can help a child adopt similar strategies.  

We know that low emotional regulation can plague kids into their adult life, affecting their relationships and their physical and mental health. When we use phones as pacifiers, we’re denying kids critical opportunities to learn to regulate their emotions, setting them up for a harder go later in life. The earlier we intervene, the easier it is to snap out of the cycle.

 

 

The Power of Yet

This week’s article summary is The Power of Yet.

I saw this article over Spring Break as I was previewing two summer reading options -- The Kids Who Aren't Okay and The Executive Function Playbook. 

While many common themes emerged in these readings, most significant to me was that we teachers always need to keep our focus on the long game: teaching, after all, is about tour students’ gradual development of essential habits and skills, particularly executive functioning.

The readings also pointed out that just as kids are more prone to be preoccupied with the present and lose sight of the progress and process of learning, teachers can also get consumed with the here and now.

Even during the inevitable stressful times in a school year, we need to resist letting little irritants cloud our perspective; we need to always look for the growth — no matter how incremental — in our students.

The Executive Function Playbook described how difficult it can be for kids to focus on the future. Using hindsight (looking back) and foresight (looking forward), which are key components of self-regulation, are challenges for many children. Students are more driven by immediate gratification and external stimuli; nevertheless, our goal for them is to develop self-control, including the ability to delay gratification. As research shows, self-regulation and self-control are critical indicators of future success. 

So, while our focus is often on math, literacy, and our students’ immediate behavior, we can never forget that executive function development of self-awareness, self-regulation, self-motivation, and self-evaluation are equally, if not more, crucial for our students.

The article below focuses on Carol Dweck’s research about the benefits of our students having a growth mindset, which can help them look towards the future. Using the word yet can help them recognize that learning is a process that requires effort, perseverance, and time. The books above provide scaffolding strategies teachers can utilize to help students:

• Frequent reminders about how learning is a process of many small steps and that missteps are inevitable and vital to learning
• Mindfulness techniques, like taking deep breaths, to avoid instantly reacting to external stimuli can help students make more thoughtful, rational decisions
• At the start of the school day, have students close their eyes and visualize the many choices a student will make in a day
• Limit screen time at home and at school (the books agree that even in school screen time needs to be limited)

As teachers, we know we are preparing our students for the future. However, as they are prone to think mostly about the present, we need to remind them of the future, i.e., to be their executive function until they develop their own.

Joe

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A few weeks ago, my daughter burst through the door after school, ranting about her social studies teacher. “He’s making us label all 50 states on a map, and the test is in two days,” she fumed.  “I think he wants us to fail! I’m not even going to try.”

For teachers and parents, this is an all-too-familiar scenario. A task is set, it feels insurmountable, and, instead of embracing the challenge as an opportunity for learning and growth, our young scholars wave the white flag.

I can’t do it. It’s not possible. What’s the point in trying?

Carol Dweck, pioneer of mindset research, posed a powerful question: “Are we raising our children for now instead of yet?” 

To illustrate her meaning, consider a statement you’ve likely heard (or said yourself): “I’m not good at math.”

Presented this way, mathematical ability (or lack thereof) is as indisputable as eye color. But add one small word and the meaning shifts: “I’m not good at math—yet.”

In one of her early studies, Dweck and her team explored how different types of praise influenced students’ reactions to struggle. 

Fifth graders were asked to complete a simple set of problems, then randomly assigned to receive one of two responses: “You must be smart at this,” or, “You must have worked hard.” 

Next, they were given a far more difficult problem set. Predictably, they performed poorly and were told as much by the research team. 

Then, something interesting happened. The students initially praised for hard work wanted to keep at the tougher problems, attributing their struggles to insufficient effort. 

But the students praised for their smarts? As Dweck described it, their failure felt catastrophic. Their core intelligence had been tested and devastated. These students largely showed no interest in further attempts at the hard problems, blaming their lackluster scores on lack of ability. 

Lastly, the students completed a final problem set similar to the first they’d done well on. Here, the effort-praised students improved their scores, while the ability-praised students did worse.

Dweck concluded that ability-focused feedback had negative short-term implications on students’ motivation. Or, as she put it, “Instead of the power of yet, they were gripped by the tyranny of now.”

She went on to posit that repeated exposure to effort-focused feedback over time could help shape students’ core beliefs about their capacity to develop intelligence through hard work. 

For teachers interested in cultivating growth mindsets, yet is a simple, effective feedback technique that can be used in a variety of contexts to reinforce the changeable nature of one’s ability.

• I’m not a good writer—yet.
• I can’t draw—yet.
• I’m not organized—yet.

Yet acknowledges where a student is right now while refusing to accept it’s where they must remain. Paired with the right resources and support, yet can create the ideal conditions for growth and change.

Back in my kitchen, I agreed with my daughter that recognizing every state is hard—especially those small ones in the Northeast—and two days isn’t much time. But her teacher clearly believed she could do it, and so did I. “But, Mom, I can’t remember all 50 states in two days.”

“That’s true,” I acknowledged. “You can’t identify them—yet.”

And thus began the journey. An app was downloaded. Her first effort yielded 12 correctly identified states. I showed her how Michigan resembles a mitten and Louisiana a boot. 

Her dad tried his hand and scored a dismal 21. We Googled why there’s a North Dakota and a South Dakota and not just a Dakota, and where the word “Wyoming” comes from. 

Two days later, she burst through the door again. This time, declaring victory: “50 out of 50!”

The task didn’t change. The timeline didn’t change. The only thing that changed was her willingness to try—fueled by the power of yet.

Next time a student enters your classroom carrying a story about their ability, adding yet can interrupt their conclusion and invite them to keep going. Yet as part of your feedback repertoire helps create a classroom culture where learning is expected to be incomplete, mistakes are normal, and effort is part of the process—not evidence of some fundamental inadequacy. Over time, the echo of your yets may even take root in your students’ inner voices, ready to remind them that where they are today does not limit where they can go.

Strengthening Student SEL in English Class

 This week's article summary is How English Class Improves Social-Emotional Skills.

I feel very lucky to have attended a high school with an English department that emphasized class discussion and a syllabus of world literature. From ninth grade through graduation, I read short stories and novels from all around the world. I didn't necessarily know it at the time, but this exposure to non-Western literature expanded my world view and piqued my interest in and open-mindedness about different cultures. The literature I read and discussed helped me see beyond my homogenous, suburban life.

As an elementary school, Trinity provides ample opportunities in reading selections for our students to learn about others and to see themselves, i.e., windows and mirrors.

The article below directly connects the books students read with development of their social-emotional skills. In particular,  it's easier to use a book's plot, theme, character choices as a springboard to explore difficult, sensitive topics. As a student, I was much more willing to discuss how a book's character acted than sharing my personal feelings; those discussions in English class helped clarify the type of person I wanted to become.

As I'm sure most of us agree, student social-emotional development is optimized when integrated into all we do at school, including the books our students read and discuss--the more varied the better!

Joe

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Asking students to dissect the motivations of a character in a book is doing more than teaching them about plot and characterization. This exercise also helps students learn to see different perspectives, empathize, and examine another person’s emotions—as well as their own.

In short, experts and educators say, the English/language arts class can be a powerful forum for developing students’ social-emotional skills at all ages.

Stories connect social-emotional skills that can be abstract in isolation to realistic situations that students can compare their own experiences with, said David Adams, a social-emotional-learning expert.

“In education, we talk about mirrors and windows,” said Adams. “A mirror being, ‘how do I see myself in this context?’ And a window being, ‘what can I learn about somebody else?’ 

English/language arts classes can also provide a lower-stakes entry point into discussions on tough emotional and moral challenges, such as the death of a loved one or what to do if a friend is using drugs, without requiring students or teachers to reference their personal lives in class.

Students can hone social-emotional skills like social awareness, self-reflection, problem-solving, critical thinking, and conflict resolution through reading, analyzing, and discussing literature in ELA classes, experts say. Getting inside a character’s or the author’s head to discern their intent, for example, teaches perspective-taking.

“Why do you think this person is doing that?” Adams said. “It’s a very important skill, whether you’re reading a newspaper article, or having a conversation with your wife or your colleague..

Literature can help support healthy identity formation, Adams said, as students parse out what they care about, what their passions are, and who they want to be.

One strategy is to do less lecturing and allow for plenty of discussion, said Schwartz. Students can’t exercise social-emotional skills if they are passively listening to their teacher and not actively engaging with peers and ideas.

Literature can provide plenty of meaningful material for discussing social and emotional themes that doesn’t require teachers or students to share personal information, said Schwartz.

Literature also supplies discussion topics that can really stretch students’ social-emotional understanding, she said. Students’ social-emotional learning is stunted if SEL sticks to basic emotions or only happy topics, Schwartz added.

In literature, Schwartz said, “You see people making bad choices and dealing with consequences. You see people in really tricky circumstances. There’s so much to learn by getting a glimpse into someone’s life through literature, and even if the educator’s not asking students to make personal connections, that’s something that happens.”

Exactly how teachers should infuse SEL into their English classes will look different depending upon the age of their students.

Early elementary teachers, for instance, can incorporate social-emotional learning into read-alouds. In the early grades, teachers should focus on the feelings characters have, if students have experienced those emotions themselves, and how characters navigate conflict, said Adams.

In upper elementary, Katrina Sacurom, who teaches reading and writing to 5th grade students in the Dallas-Fort Worth metro area, makes sure to incorporate the character trait, such as honesty or self-control, that her school is emphasizing that month into her lessons. She also focuses on character—and by extension, student—relationships. Building and maintaining relationships are key social-emotional skills.

As students get older and are developmentally ready for more complex themes and character motivations, ELA class can help them make sense of their own conflicting feelings and sometimes tumultuous inner lives, said Schwartz.

There aren’t many SEL curricula developed with the specific needs of high schoolers in mind. And traditionally schools have invested less in SEL in the secondary level than in primary grades, even though experts say older students also need opportunities to develop their social-emotional skills.

“These skills that we’re talking about, by high school, are much better received through literature or project-based learning,” Schwartz said. “Something that’s asking the students to show up in their wholeness because they already have a lot of life experience. They have a lot to learn, too, but many of them have experienced things that perhaps not all of their teachers have.”

The History and Continued Importance of Black History Month

This week's article summary, The 100-Year History of Black History Month, is an interview with Harvard professor Jarvis R. Givens about his new book, I'll Make Me a World: The 100-Year Journey of Black History Month.

While many of us have grown up observing Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Day, Black History Month, and recently Juneteenth, the origins of these observances are often overlooked. The article informs us that while Black History Month was officially recognized in 1976 as part of the U.S. Bicentennial, its roots trace back to 1926.

I have always felt conflicted about dedicated heritage months. Dedicating a single month to groups whose voices and accomplishments were historically minimized—much like the afterthought sections on women in 1990s history textbooks I used in my classes—felt like a insufficient fix for a year-round necessity, analogous to food pantry donations only during the holidays when the need is year round.

But this article shifted my position. Black History Month (held in February to honor the birth months of Abraham Lincoln and Frederick Douglass) serves today as reminder to resist becoming complacent. In the current polarized climate where even the Super Bowl halftime entertainment is controversial, it's critical for educators to guide students to be open-minded, to view the world through multiple perspectives, and to be inquisitive about others, especially those different from them. Without these important skills, our students will be more susceptible to the influence and manipulation of others. (As a native New Yorker, I consider my skepticism an asset in today's world.)

In an ideal world, the contributions and historic struggles and tribulations of all people would be integrated every day in our curriculum. While much progress has been made in my lifetime, we still have a long way to go. Until then, observances like Women's History Month, Native American Heritage Month, Hispanic/Latinx Heritage Month, and Pride Month remain overt reminders to make space for those whose history has long been invisible.

Joe

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What do people get wrong about Black History Month?

Black History Month grew from the bottom up, from grassroots organizing and centuries of intellectual and political struggle. We only have this commemorative holiday because African American scholars and community members organized to create holidays like Crispus Attucks Day on March 5, beginning in the 1850s, and Douglass Day on Feb. 14, beginning in 1897. Negro History Week grew out of that tradition, and it was later expanded to Black History Month in 1976 during the United States’ bicentennial.

How has the way we think about and celebrate Black History Month changed these past 100 years

Early on, Negro History Week and Black History Month were mostly internal to African American communities. It formed and grew within an expansive segregated world of Black schools, colleges, churches, and institutions across the United States. However, with desegregation, Black History Month eventually became an instrument used to encourage racial tolerance for those in the United States who didn’t know much about Black people and Black cultures. 

Things are a bit different now. We live in a society where, for the most part, Black History Month or Negro History Week has always existed. And therefore, the urgency around the work of preserving and teaching Black history hasn’t been as present in more recent decades, at least not the way it was with the early Black history movement, when people had intimate knowledge and memories of Black history being absent in textbooks and school curriculum in this country.

I think the further we moved away from the period when people had to fight to create and celebrate Black history, the more comfortable our communities became with the idea that knowledge about Black history would always be readily available. But those of us who teach Black studies and African American history have always been aware of the precarious state of Black history’s inclusion in mainstream curricula and public memory. This moment is reminding all of us that this work continues to be both urgent and under attack.

How has Negro History Week/Black History Month, as an institution, survived and remained popular for the last 100 years?

First, it survived because Black communities created it and continued to value it through the segregated era, and in doing so, made it an integral part of Black culture and community calendars on an annual basis. It became institutionalized within Black organizations and, therefore, a central part of African American heritage. All of this occurred, again, before it was nationally recognized by the U.S. government. 

However, the staying power of Black History Month is also connected to major advancements in the field of African American history and Black studies in the post-civil rights era. The first wave of scholars of African American and African diaspora history were part of a transformation in higher education during the late 1960s and early ‘70s. Because of the impressive work of that generation of scholars, building on seeds planted generations before, there continued to be new waves of knowledge and content about the Black past, pushing us all to think about the world we inherited in more critical ways and to dream about the worlds we hoped to build with more mature, historically informed imaginations.

Another reason it has persisted is because political leaders saw value in holding up Black History Month as a demonstration of America’s inclusion of Black people as integral parts of U.S. society, though they often did so without recognizing past harms, instead using inspiring elements of Black history that could support narratives of American exceptionalism. This is obviously a very complicated part of the legacy, but it’s important to recognize, nonetheless.

What is one takeaway you would like readers to gain from reading the book?

I want people to remember that the struggle to preserve, study, and teach Black history is always about more than the facts, names, and dates of the past. It is about recognizing and disrupting the way power dynamics in our society shape historical memory and it’s also about studying the way historical memory shapes how we define ourselves as a people and the dreams we imagine for the worlds of the future. I hope readers will see, by looking at the African American intellectual tradition that informed the creation of Black History Month, that this ongoing fight to value the lives of Black folks in the past is part and parcel of an enduring war to value Black lives in the present and future.

 

The Math Wars Continue

This week’s article summary is Debates Over Math Teaching Are Heating Up.

In literacy, the debate is between Whole Language and the Science of Reading.

In math, it's about explicit instruction versus student inquiry.

As referenced in a previous article summary about top educational research studies from 2025, student inquiry in isolation does not advance student learning; similarly, explicit teacher instruction too often leads to disengaged students.

Like most debates in education, the best option in math is a balance of explicit teacher instruction and student inquiry/discovery/problem-solving--what is called Guided Inquiry.

As a teacher, I have always felt the need to have a multitude of teaching strategies in my quiver. If I found myself using too much of teacher-centered pedagogy (an easy trap for any teacher to fall into), I’d shift to more student-centered methods. While kids need structure, routine, and consistency in the classroom, they also need variety and novelty.

Visiting classrooms as a Head of School, I particularly enjoy math time: our students are learning the skills/concepts/procedures of numeracy, while also being given ample time to offer their observations when being introduced to new topics, to problem-solve with classmates, and to find multiple ways to solve and demonstrate their understanding.

Just like a recent Summary on SEL, Trinity continues to find the balance of best practices to the benefit of our students!

Joe

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Last December, several members of a national organization for math education leaders came together to issue a warning. A growing movement in the field was calling on schools to adopt an “impoverished” approach to math teaching that would strip students of their autonomy and relegate them to “mimicking their teacher.” This movement misapplying educational research, they said.

Debate over best practices in math education is far from new; it's been debated for over 100 years.

The stakes are particularly high now, as national math scores have continued to decline. 

One side of the debate comes from the Science of Math website, which promotes explicit instruction, a method in which teachers explain and model new concepts and procedures step-by-step and then ask students to practice them. It’s a myth, they say, that inquiry-based approaches boost outcomes for all kids. Explicit instruction lays a crucial foundation, especially for students who struggle, and can equip students with the skills they need to tackle more complex problem-solving.

The other side contends that while explicit instruction has some value in math teaching, it should be minimized. Instead, the predominant approach should be “guided inquiry, in which teachers provide structure and support in well-designed inquiry-oriented activities.” This side believes that explicit instruction is a “pedagogy of poverty,” arguing that it is more commonly used in schools in low-income areas, systematically denying these children opportunities for discussion and collaborative problem-solving.

Which side is right?

As usual, let’s find the middle ground through 'guided inquiry’ which should include moments of explicit instruction. Good explicit instruction should then incorporate time for meaning-making and student reflection.

But debates continue over how to prioritize and sequence these two types of teaching, and over the conceptual underpinnings of each approach: Are there foundational processes, like adding multi-digit numbers, teachers must explain directly before students can move on to more complex problem-solving? Or does doing so inherently short-circuit the development of problem-solving skills?

There’s a lot of evidence to suggest that good math instruction includes some explicit instruction and some more student-led problem-solving.

“There needs to be a balance of both,” Ashley Davis, a 4th grade math teacher, said of explicit instruction and inquiry. “I don’t think one is right and one is wrong. When both are used properly, they’re both super effective—regardless of the students.”

Over the past 30 years, leading organizations in the field have promoted a more inquiry-forward approach to math. Popular curricula tend to emphasize problem-solving and discussion of mathematical ideas. Davis thinks these are good goals. She wants her students to be able to use math flexibly in their everyday lives.

There are times when she introduces a new concept through discovery, Davis said, like when she started a lesson about equivalent fractions. She gave students pieces of paper and asked them to fold them in half, and then in half again and again, and asked them what they noticed. Her students figured out that 1/2 was equivalent to 2/4, which was equivalent to 4/8.

“There are other instances where I can think of, where you have to explicitly teach something, so they can then use inquiry later on,” she said—how to use an area model for multiplication of multi-digit whole numbers, for instance.

Still, there’s often little guidance about how to negotiate and sequence these two priorities to lead to the best outcomes.

Some work has tried to fill that gap. Last year, for example, a group of researchers in cognitive psychology and special education published research-based recommendations to get students fluent with math facts, integrating both explicit instruction and what they describe as “cognitive reflection.” 

Getting this balance right is hard, and there’s not always a roadmap, said Star, the Harvard professor: “We as a field could be better at guiding teachers toward what that mix looks like.”

The Importance of Mattering

This week’s article summary is The Overlooked Human Need, and it’s written by the author of a new book titled Mattering: The Secret to a Life of Deep Connection and Purpose. (Several of us are currently previewing the book as a possible summer reading option.)

At Trinity, we are proud of the caring, supportive community we have created and sustain year after year. We recognize how important a sense of belonging is for our students, their parents, colleagues, and ourselves.

But the article and the book go deeper than belonging: being part of a group is one thing but feeling that you positively contribute to and make a difference for the group is another.

It’s knowing that we make a difference for others that brings meaning, purpose, and fulfillment to our lives.

Knowing that we matter has many positive benefits: greater personal and professional engagement, better resilience, more optimism, and enhanced compassion and generosity to others.

Conversely, feeling we don’t matter has adverse effects: loneliness, disengagement, purposelessness, depression.

Much like putting the oxygen mask on in an airplane before helping others, it’s crucial for all of us adults at Trinity to know we not only belong but matter: others rely and lean on us. Knowing that we matter makes it easier for us to then cultivate a classroom and school-wide culture and climate where kids know they matter.

As the article states, helping people develop confidence can come from big accomplishments or little moments: saying hello in the hallways, thanking others for lending a hand, relieving someone at morning carpool during frigid weather (like this morning!).If the book makes it to summer reading list, I’m sure during pre-planning we’ll have conversations about how we cultivate a school culture that ensures everyone matters!

Joe

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People don’t just want to belong—they want to know they matter. 

Feeling valued and needed is a basic human need, and it’s something we can create, lose, and rebuild through small, everyday choices in our relationships, work, and communities.

Mattering can be found in life’s big moments, like being celebrated by family and friends during a milestone birthday. It can be found in everyday moments, like when you’re sick and a friend brings you a pot of homemade soup. 

Simply put, mattering is the universal need to feel valued and have a chance to add value to the world. First identified by sociologist Morris Rosenberg in the 1980s, today, mattering is emerging as one of the most essential—and most overlooked—pillars of wellbeing.

At its core, mattering is the story we tell ourselves about our place in the world, as in: Am I valued? Do I make a difference? Would I be missed if I weren’t here? This need is deeply ingrained. For our earliest ancestors, being valued by the group meant safety and survival, while being ignored or cast out was a death sentence. That ancient wiring continues to guide us today.

Mattering cuts both ways, meaning it’s protective when we feel it and destructive when we don’t. When people feel like they matter, they are more resilient, engaged, and generous toward others. When they don’t, they suffer. We often talk about loneliness, burnout, and disengagement as separate crises, but beneath them lies a deeper one: the erosion of mattering. 

This is why mattering feels so urgent right now. In a rapidly shifting world, where artificial intelligence threatens to upend our sense of usefulness, feeling valued and knowing how you add value is a stabilizing force. Mattering is how we build a life of meaning and purpose.

What makes mattering especially compelling is that it offers both a diagnosis and a solution. After decades of research, four elements consistently show up in the lives of people who feel they matter. Together, they form the SAID framework:

• Significance: the sense of being for who you are as an individual
• Appreciation: affirms the doer, not just the deed, recognizing the care, effort, and intention that went behind a contribution
• Investment: reflects the support others offer through guidance and belief in our potential
• Dependence: the dignity of being needed in ways that feel manageable and energizing

These elements can be strengthened through everyday actions. For example, a parent builds a sense of significance by asking their teenager to teach them about something their teen cares about. A manager shows appreciation by closing the loop and connecting an employee to the impact of their work. A friend shows investment by checking in with encouragement before a hard moment. A neighbor fosters dependence by asking someone newly retired to take on a small but meaningful role. A sense of mattering is built in small, everyday moments like these.

Workplaces are our most underutilized tool for restoring a sense of mattering. The numbers tell the story. In 2024, U.S. employee engagement fell to its lowest in a decade, with 70 percent of workers reporting they weren’t engaged in their work..

What happens at work doesn’t stay at work. Researchers refer to the long arm of the job—the ways work life affects our health, relationships, parenting, and even civic life. The Spillover-Crossover Model confirms what many of us have felt: when we’re depleted by our jobs, it’s difficult to be emotionally present at home, creating a psychological distance that can erode our relationships. But the reverse is also true. A caregiver who feels appreciated and valued at work is far more likely to come home and have the bandwidth to approach a child’s emotional needs with patience and empathy.

What I have found in interviews with people who have faced challenges is that rebuilding often occurs by accepting support (rather than going it alone), finding a new, meaningful way to be relied upon, and staying close to people who see our strengths clearly when we can’t see them ourselves.

Many people I interviewed who navigated these transitions well had identified role models—those who have faced similar challenges and found their way through it. Then, they harnessed the power of invitation, either by accepting or by issuing them themselves. An invitation isn’t just about you. When someone reaches out, they’re taking a small risk in their bid for connection. By saying yes, you’re signaling that you value them, too. In this way, extending or accepting an invitation becomes a mutual exchange of mattering.

SEL Doesn't Need a Rebrand

This week’s article summary is SEL Doesn't Need a Rebrand.

Articles like this one always make me happy that I work at the elementary level in a private, independent school: elementary — different from middle and high school — focuses on core habits and skills that aren’t controversial or polarizing. (You must be a real contrarian to argue against elementary schools developing kids' responsibility, compassion, and honesty.) Being non-public, we don’t rely on federal or state funding; those dollars typically come with strings attached.

SEL, or Social-Emotional Learning, has been part of our educational lexicon and curriculum for the past 25-30 years. Replacing the more general Character Development (I taught a Values Clarification elective to 6th graders in the 1990s), SEL has provided more specificity of the inter/intrapersonal skills and habits teachers have always helped develop in their students: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationship skills, responsible decision-making, executive function. 

At admissions open houses, I explain to prospective parents that Trinity shapes and develops our students’ academic and character foundation. Specifically, under character development, I tell parents that we strive to form in children a strong, confident sense of self (intrapersonal skills) and sincere care and concern for others (interpersonal skills) as well as study and organizational skills. I explain that at Trinity character development is integrated in everything we do, not a stand-alone activity. We want our children not only to be successful in academics but, as our mission states, 'responsible, productive, and compassionate member(s) of Trinity and the greater community.' 

From as macro standpoint, it’s frustrating to me that in these polarized political times, SEL in schools has become so controversial. Who would have thought it’s being ‘woke’ to teach kids to think with multiple perspectives, to assume good intentions of others, and to learn that throughout history humans have perpetrated horrible things to others. 

Regardless of the external noise, Trinity continues to stay true to its mission of whole child development and has always made a student character development an integral part of how we teach.

Joe

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The rebranding of social-emotional learning to avoid controversy for being branded as “woke” ideology highlights a real challenge in education today: Political pushback at the local, state, and federal levels has made some educators feel they must camouflage their work, including renaming SEL programs or softening the language.

Despite these challenges, SEL is not a passing fad or a political football. It’s about advancing the science, practice, and policy that help schools and students thrive. SEL has been a fundamental component of a high-quality education that is as essential as reading, writing, math, social studies, and science. The question is not whether we should teach students SEL but whether we have the resolve to define it with clarity, strengthen its evidence base, and defend its value.

SEL equips students with the knowledge and skills to understand and manage emotions, make responsible decisions, build healthy relationships, and navigate challenges. These outcomes are the foundation of academic achievement, a positive school climate, and lifelong success.

Decades of evidence show that the strength of our relationships is a powerful predictor of children’s well-being and lifelong success. Unfortunately, technology, social media, and cultural pressures often pull students toward shallow interactions and endless social comparisons.

At the same time, children (and adults) are sent messages to suppress, deny, or ignore their feelings from every corner of society—families, schools, workplaces, news and entertainment media—that equate emotional expression with weakness or instability. From “toughen up” at home to “be professional” at work. The result? Increased conflict with others, higher stress levels, weaker relationships, disengagement in learning, and too often, hopelessness.

SEL works, but positive impact requires thoughtful design; alignment with students cognitive, social, and emotional development; and sustained, high-quality implementation.

Imagine walking into a school where students can name and manage their emotions, teachers model calm under pressure, conflicts are addressed constructively, and learning feels rigorous and civilized. This isn’t fantasy; it’s what schools look like when SEL is woven into the fabric of teaching and learning.

So why the backlash? Much of it stems from SEL having been mischaracterized by political advocacy groups and certain policymakers as ideology or indoctrination—whether in the form of critical race theory, gender and sexuality politics, or values training—rather than a science-backed approach to child development. Even some educators struggle to define it clearly. Without precise definitions about what it is and its value, SEL remains vulnerable to distortion.

The ability to recognize, understand, label, express, and regulate emotions—in short, emotional intelligence—provides both the science and structure for this essential work. But emotion regulation is often one of the most misunderstood constructs. Too often, people think it means suppressing or denying your and others’ emotions or striving for constant positivity. In reality, it is the capacity to draw on strategies like seeing a difficult situation from a different or more helpful perspective, calming the body, or seeking support to manage emotions wisely to improve relationships, well-being, and goal attainment. Without this clear, science-based definition, schools risk confusing emotion regulation with compliance or equating it with suppression. With clarity, we give students and educators alike a powerful, humane skill set for navigating life inside and beyond the school building.