Three Things Over-Scheduled Kids Need

This week’s article summary is Three Things Overscheduled Kids Need More of in Their Lives.

I love the opening of the article: “Playtime, Downtime, Family Time.”

These three needs foster in kids stronger resilience, self-confidence, mental well-being, and even academic engagement.

The article explains that while kids today often have a potpourri of extracurricular activities from sports to music lessons to academic tutoring, these often adult-organized and supervised activities aren’t always enjoyed by children and can even lead to stress and anxiety.

The article also explains what I wrote about last year in one summary: while parent surveys show that they want their kids to grow up to be “happy and healthy and of good character”, kids in fact feel their parents measure their success on test score results, academic performance, and GPAs. To quote this week’s article, “what you praise reveals what you value” and too often we adults don’t praise what kids do to be happy, healthy, honest, and empathetic. The stat in the article that 80% of high school students admit to cheating for higher grades is an unsurprising result of the mixed message we give our children.

The frenetic pace of the today’s world is a challenge for adults, yet the article is a great reminder that we need to grant kids more time to be kids—to play, to chill, to hang out--if we truly want them to be happy and healthy and of strong character.

Yesterday on the 6^th grade bus trip back from Saint Simon’s the DVD player broke and for the final 2.5 hours of the trip the kids has to entertain one another. Noisy? Yes. Playtime and Downtime? Definitely! Kids being kids and having fun? Most certainly!

Enjoy the weekend and the continue hot weather!

Joe

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Playtime. Downtime. Family time.

These three factors protect kids against a host of negative outcomes, strengthen resilience, and bolster students’ mental wellness and academic engagement. 

Make Time for Downtime: Every kid needs PDF every day. It is critical for the mental health of children, but it often gets lost in all the pressures and hustle and bustle of schools. Even extracurriculars such as sports, which adults perceive as downtime, can generate a lot of pressure. The trend remains toward overscheduling children as a way to keep kids supervised while families are juggling work schedules. However, keeping kids busy with supervised activities is to the detriment of what we know kids need for healthy development, which is free, unstructured playtime. People used to say, go outside and don’t come home until it’s dark, and while that’s not feasible for most families, parents should explore activities that maximize playtime and downtime, such as sending kids to a park with one adult to keep an eye on things or choosing after-school care that allows for kid-directed play. According to research, extracurricular activities that “used to be a stress-buster” have now become key sources of stress, particularly if a child is engaged in an extracurricular activity because parents are making them or because they want to please you.  For some teenagers, extracurricular obligations almost become a full-time job on top of school and homework. One way to give children more agency over their lives is by asking them what they want to explore before signing them up for classes and activities. If you allow them to pursue their interests, it will increase their motivation. But remember, 10-year-olds “don’t need to specialize.“

Prioritize Family Time: Make sure to have daily check-in conversations with kids of every age. It’s much harder to fall through the cracks when you are getting that face-to-face attention multiple times a week, and that’s why family time is considered a protective factor. Start by making mealtime a tech-free environment for kids and adults; too often today there is not enough face-to-face conversation happening, particularly at home. When parents prioritize family time, it’s easier to listen for the meaning behind the words. Do you know who your child’s friends are, who they sit with at lunch, and which classes and activities excite their imagination? It’s amazing how infrequent it is that we really have those conversations with kids because we are on to the next activity. 

Communicate Your Values: When surveys ask parents what matters most, the top response is “We just want our kids to be happy and healthy.” But the kids are hearing very different messages. Students report that what parents really care about is grades and test scores. Why the disconnect? The first thing a parent says when a kid walks in the door is ‘How did you do on the math test?’ or ‘Have you finished your homework?’ They are forgetting to talk about things that really promote health and happiness. So the kids are getting the message that the most important thing that can happen to them during the day is what they do in school, the grades they get, where they are going to go to college, or how they did on the SAT.  This pressure often leads to increased anxiety and erodes integrity. Eighty percent of students recently surveyed admit to cheating in school. What you praise reveals what you value and a strong G.P.A. is not necessarily a sign of ethics, curiosity, or tenacity. If you want to encourage persistence and effort, that’s what you want to praise. Parents’ obsession with grades is misdirected. They fret and worry way too much over academic perfection when they should be focus much more on areas like their child’s resilience. Do they know how to cope with stress? Do they know how to get along with others? Do they know how to think outside the box and be creative?” These traits do not necessarily go hand-in-hand with top grades, but they will give students something more important than a perfect report card: the strengths and habits they need to find success in college and beyond.

Focus on What Matters Most: Schools need to be mindful of PDF and that means offering more recess, longer recess, less homework, fewer tests, and more emphasis on social-emotional development. No matter what community children live in, their developmental needs are fairly consistent. Every kid needs to feel like they belong. Every kid needs to have social and emotional learning skills. Every kid should have the opportunity to be motivated and engaged in school.

How to Talk About Taboo Topics

This week’s article summary is How To Talk "Taboo" Topics with Young Students.

Tuesday morning we had our first DEI chat of the year. Our featured speaker, Dr. Kristin Carothers, talked about how even our youngest students are influenced and impacted by societal stereotypes about gender, race, etc.  One comment she made really resonated for me: “As human beings, we often unwittingly tend to exist in spaces that confirm our beliefs or stereotypes about the world without needing, desiring, or attempting to actively engage with others.” Hence, adults in children’s lives need to help them explore and make better sense the diversity of the world that they may otherwise not see.

The article below from a 4^th grade teacher (try to take the time to view her 10-minute TED Talk that’s linked in the article) provides a broad template of how we as educators (and parents) can support our kids as they try to negotiate a complex and confusing world and hopefully avoid societal stereotyping.

She lets us know the following…

• that we all have to continue on our own personal (and professional) DEI journey, acknowledging that we all have biases and blind spots yet remaining open to learning and growth
• that we must create a trusting and respectful classroom (and school) culture that allows for both proactive and reactive discussions around topics that are often deemed taboo…like race, advantage, ability
• that rather than teach DEI in isolation, we can connect DEI to almost anything we do in the classroom
• that we avoid solely categorizing issues of diversity, equity, and inclusion to the past and help kids see how these affect the present (and their lives)

DEI work is challenging as it pushes against the conventional order of things and the comfort of our beliefs, experiences, and perspectives.  We often also feel ill-equipped to converse about topics that society deems impolite and that we’re not experts in.

Yet as elementary educators who shape our students’  academic and attitudinal foundation, we need to guide them toward being active champions of fairness and justice.

Joe

It's the last trimester of the school year, and we are in the middle of a unit on the social construction of race. I ask my students, who are 8 and 9 years old, to think about the first time they learned about race. Many share that they notice and wonder about skin color but thought it was rude to discuss. A few remember learning about race through lessons about Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Some have been called racially-biased words and names. Others ask questions about racial struggles people of color have and continue to face and why we don't have more lessons about them.

 

I'm often asked by eager teachers how to facilitate conversations about difference and inclusion. Although my students demonstrate comfort with sharing their thoughts on topics such as race and gender, we do not begin the school year by diving into the deep end: to cultivate a learning space where everyone feels comfortable sharing their experiences and asking tough questions, there must be mutual trust and respect between the students and teacher as well as intentional planning.

 

Do the Personal Work: Before planning your first lesson, ask yourself: Are you reflecting on your own identity, biases, and dominant culture beliefs and accepting what you don't know? Have you considered how these facets might affect the way you frame questions and respond to students? You must also maintain awareness of yourself, your students' experiences, your community, and your history. For example, as a person of East Asian descent, I recognize the "model minority" stereotype that often follows Asian students but also have to be aware of my own implicit biases that may affect my black students and their families. Although this work is emotionally laborious, it is crucial to recognize that self-education is ongoing. Building comfort while leading lessons on "taboo" subjects can be intimidating. You will absolutely make mistakes. But it is humanizing for students to see teachers acknowledge when they don't have all the answers and to show that adults expect and inspect their mistakes.

 

Create Community, Not Hierarchy: Diversity advocate Verna Myers is noted for saying, "Diversity is being invited to the party; inclusion is being asked to dance." To be able to take on the tough topics, you must create a classroom culture based on autonomy, trust, and mutual respect—not hierarchy. How are you creating space for students to take ownership of their learning and operate with autonomy? During the first few weeks of the school year, I prioritize social-emotional lessons and community building over academics. You can always go back and reteach a math lesson, but creating a positive classroom culture from the start is something you cannot afford to get wrong. To develop trust and prepare my students for upcoming conversations on topics such as race and gender, I want them to know that I am accountable to them. Throughout the year, I remind them that our community only operates well when both trust and mutual respect are in place. The first time I created a multi-lesson unit on race and racism, I wanted my 4th grade students to understand the importance of conversations, so I set them up to listen and discuss issues that many adults try to avoid. We brainstormed about the environment and behaviors we would need to cultivate for everyone to be vulnerable and created an agreement that we followed for every lesson:

·         Share what you're comfortable with

·         Ask questions and ask them with positive intent

·         Seek to understand; don't criticize others if they don't understand

·         Show respect to everyone, regardless of opinions

·         Give positive suggestions

·         Don't share other people's personal business

·         Expect and respect mistakes

·         Avoid jumping to conclusions and judgmental words (e.g., good, bad, right, wrong).

 

Use a Social Justice Lens: If you're passionate about issues of equity and inclusion, it's easy to want to take on everything at once. Educators often ask how I manage to teach about difference and inclusion in addition to core subjects and required standards. Equity and inclusion issues should not be confined to a single block in your agenda. Instead, think of them as a lens through which you can teach other subjects. If you're teaching a nonfiction reading unit on biographies, choose texts that feature the lives of Black people, indigenous people, and other people of color. If your students are crafting opinion essays, why not have them write about current events or social issues? When I taught 2nd grade, I integrated a unit on gender stereotyping into our reading and writing curriculum. To introduce the concept of stereotyping, my students brainstormed how the media portrays teachers and kids and reflected on these representations' validity. They cut up advertisements for Halloween costumes and sorted them based on boy and girl stereotypes, then questioned the effect of these marketing messages, The children read folktales and classic fairytales from all over the world and noted how the stories portrayed men and women. As part of our persuasive writing unit, students wrote letters to toy and clothing companies, asking them to be mindful of perpetuating gender stereotypes. We addressed all curricular requirements and standards, but the lens through which we studied expanded students' worldview on gender difference and inclusion. In the past few years, I have also expanded the conversations to include how people who are non-binary or transgender are affected by gender stereotypes.

 

What to Do When Issues Arise: Many teachers avoid talking about race because they worry about confrontation or other difficult situations. I experienced this when one of my 4th grade students made a racially insensitive remark. Rather than discipline the student, I explained to the class that this moment was an example of why we need to learn about racism in the first place. I highlighted that racist words and acts stem from stereotypical and biased beliefs about people of color, often rooted in physical characteristics. Drawing attention to this truth was uncomfortable, but in order for students to unlearn racial biases, we have to put a spotlight on those problematic beliefs. I shared this experience during my TED Talk, "How to Teach Kids to Talk About Taboo Topics." Some teachers who watched the talk admitted they wouldn't have known how to handle the incident and their "fight or flight" instincts would have kicked in. Others sent me angry messages that my reaction toward the student wasn't harsh enough, that I shouldn't protect the feelings of my white students, and that I shouldn't let such ignorance stand. What I didn't share in my TED Talk is that my classroom is incredibly diverse and the student who made that comment isn't white. Even when working in a racially diverse community, stereotypes, biases, and prejudices are always present. This was an opportunity to remind my students that people who are black or brown can still harm one another, and we need to be aware of the ways we marginalize each other. During these conversations, ignorant comments and questions will most likely arise. Remember that all questions come from a place of ignorance, and both children and adults have a lot to learn about discussing race, gender, and religion.

 

We should question, rather than shame, students for their ignorance:

·         "I'm curious: Where did you hear that word, and do you know what it means?"

·         "What was your intent by making that comment?"

·         "How do you think it makes your classmates feel when you use that word?"

 

This approach holds students accountable without shaming them. (The article "Speaking Up Without Tearing Down" by Loretta J. Ross also has effective strategies.) Expecting these lessons and conversations to unfold perfectly is unrealistic. Nevertheless, it's important to be prepared to respond and facilitate when issues arise