Parenting Styles

This week’s article summary is Parenting Styles Explained.

If you’re a parent, you probably struggle with how to parent your child/children. While we all strive to be firm but fair, finding that sweet spot between the extremes of being lax and permissive on the one hand and being tough and strict on the other is a constantly moving target. Often added to the mix is a spouse whose parenting style and philosophy differ from you, and, if you have more than one child, the fact that each one often requires different parenting techniques, hence the expression fair does not mean equal.

Earlier this week, Erica and Carli facilitated a UED parenting meeting (with the EED meeting to follow next Monday). In their opening comments, they discussed the three Hurdles of Child Development: developing a sense of self, developing social competence, and developing academic motivation. Carli and Erica spoke about the importance of parents supporting, encouraging, guiding but not domineering their children in the hopes of helping them become self-empowered and assured in the three areas above. They and the UED parents then dialogues about the inevitable ups and downs children have in those three areas.

We all want our kids to be successful, happy, fulfilled, and to not make “big” mistakes, i.e., ones with lasting effects. The challenge for all parents is recognizing  a potential big mistake from an opportunity for a learning experience. As a parent of two kids now in their late 20s and early 30s, I see that what I thought were big mistakes leading to the ‘road to ruin’  were in fact natural testing of limits and important learning opportunities that did have consequences but the ones that helped my kids see that their choices had real world implications.

Seeing real world implications can be tough for elementary school kids especially within the intentional safety (physical and emotional) of Trinity where we appropriately provide lots of cushioned landings for stumbles and missteps. Always keep in mind as a parent and as a teacher that choices and decisions (the good, bad, and ugly) our children/students make are helping them ultimately become self-reliant and compassionate adults. As a parent, the natural instinct is to rush in to help when often we need to remain on the sidelines of our kids’ lives. It takes much patience and restraint to be a parent (and a teacher). As the book The Self-Driven Child espouses, it’s better for a parent to be a consultant to his/her child and not his/her boss.

I think the grands who spent this morning at Trinity had big smiles on their faces because they aren’t worried about life lessons for their grandkids; they just want to enjoy the moment with their grandkids, cherishing their childhood!

Joe

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Sure, every parent wants the best for their kid. But one look around the playground and it's impossible not notice that there are a ton of different parenting styles out there. For example, are you the parent who rushes your child to the doctor for a paper cut? Or are you the rub-some-dirt-on-it type?

From the constantly hovering helicopter parent to the totally hands off free-range approach, we broke down the five most common parenting styles being adopted by moms and dads today.

Free-Range Parenting: The official definition of “free-range” is livestock kept in natural conditions, with freedom of movement. Without referring to livestock, free-range parenting is similar in the way that these parents allow their children the independence and self-reliance of being less-supervised or unsupervised in public—like a park for example. For a long time, parents who practice this style were considered neglectful, endangering their children due to lack of supervision. But, more recently (and after much debate) states like Utah have passed laws in favor of the hands-off parenting style—it can instill amazing qualities like self-sufficiency and resilience.

Lighthouse Parenting: The lighthouse approach is acting like a lighthouses for our children. Stable beacons of light on the shoreline from which they can measure themselves against. Role models. We should look down at the rocks and make sure they do not crash against them. We should look into the water and prepare them to ride the waves, and we should trust in their capacity to learn to do so. This means finding the perfect balance when loving, protecting, communicating, and nurturing your child.

Lawnmower Parenting: Instead of preparing children for challenges, they mow obstacles down so kids won’t experience them in the first place. Lawnmower parents (also known as snowplow or bulldozer parents) are easily willing to drop everything to fulfill their child’s wants and demands no matter how small. These parents often have good intentions and are motivated by not wanting their children to experience struggle. But, these habits don’t provide a foundation for long-term happiness, they can actually strengthen a child’s anxiety of failure.

Helicopter Parenting: If you’re an overprotective parent who feels the need to control most aspects of your child’s life you likely fit the bill of a helicopter parent. Helicopter parents constantly intervene to prevent failures, overlook their kids’ weaknesses, and hovers closely. These consistent risk assessing tendencies are often driven by fear and anxiety that can hinder a child’s ability to learn integral life skills, confidence, and self-sufficiency.

Tiger Parenting: Often displaying rigid and harsh characteristics, tiger parents expect first-time obedience, excellence in every endeavor and a child who never talks back. While tiger parents can raise children to be more productive, motivated, and responsible, children can form anxiety, poor social skills, and face difficulty functioning in a day-to-day setting due to their parent’s high demands, name calling, and constant expectations for perfection