Raising Resilient Kids

 This week's article summary is Parents Who Raise Resilient Kids Do These Four Things.

The first few article summaries of the year have focused on our goals/outcomes (student emotional intelligence, confidence, resilience) and classroom structures (routines, practices, norms, rules, guidelines). 

The first article summary of the year stated, teachers “are often more comfortable around literacy strategies than around discipline strategies.” The reason for this is student behavior and their inter/intrapersonal skills, attitudes, and habits are harder to quantify than academic areas like numeracy and literacy. 

We all know emotional intelligence (EQ) is just as, if not more, important than IQ, yet we often expect our children and students to naturally and intuitively pick up character habits when in fact parents and teachers need to be just as intentional in instructing, monitoring, reinforcing, and modeling appropriate behavior in our students. 

For me, resilience—the ability to bounce back from missteps and disappointments—is an important virtue for success and happiness. Like most things, some of us are more naturally inclined to being gritty while others need to be guided and supported. Nevertheless, we all need opportunities to practice and further develop and hone the habit and skill of resilience.

Joe 

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The pandemic has highlighted the importance of resilience in the face of external stressors and unpredictable circumstances. But it’s not something you randomly develop — it’s a trait that parents can nurture in children early on to help them become emotionally healthy adults.

Kids aren’t just born resilient — they become so with the support of their parents and teachers.

Resilience is something that all kids learn through experiences, problem-solving, and watching others cope with stressors. Kids aren’t just born resilient, which means they can learn those skills, and parents and teachers have the power to teach kids how to manage stress.

From encouraging autonomy to avoiding the temptation of becoming too involved, here are four things parents and teachers who raise and educate highly resilient kids do differently.

They encourage autonomy: Parents/teachers who raise and educate children with good coping skills and resilience oversee their children and students in a style that builds healthy autonomy and fosters independent problem-solving skills.  Within an environment that encourages independent decision-making (in safe, age-appropriate ways), children start feeling more comfortable and capable of managing what life throws at them. It’s not about letting kids do what they want at all times, but involving them in decisions so they can feel more in touch with their inner guidance, commitment, and responsible, according to Advanced Psychology.

They help their kids develop coping skills: Stress-inoculated kids have parents/teachers who emphasize coping skills instead of coddling them when something doesn’t go their way. Explain to them that life isn’t perfect, that there will be times when you will be uncomfortable. Kids will adapt and learn to become more self-reliant and self-aware, which are skills associated with higher degrees of confidence, happiness, and overall wellness. While it’s difficult to see your children/students experience setbacks or uncomfortable emotions, it’s critical not to try to immediately fix the situation for them or brush it off, but to allow them to process their emotional state and develop the trust they can withstand and adapt to moments of discomfort. As a result, kids grow up to become resilient adults who are happier and see stressors in a more positive light — and are less likely to feel the effects of stress.

They don’t helicopter their children: if you want to raise mentally strong kids, it’s super important not to become a helicopter parent and to avoid jumping in every time something happens that makes a child uncomfortable or upset. Instead, spend time objectively debriefing what went wrong, focusing on solutions and giving the child positive reinforcement for how they coped. 

They foster self-awareness: Self-awareness is not only the cornerstone of resilience but also of lifelong mental health and wellness. When we become self-aware, our brain and body learn to self-regulate as we connect to our thoughts, sensations, and emotions. The beauty of self-awareness is that when you know yourself better, you can feel more confident making decisions as well as saying no to things that don’t feel right. So make sure you’re asking thought-provoking questions that will help your kids turn inwards and gain a deeper understanding of their unique selves.