Let Your Kids Play

This week’s article summary is Parents, It's Time to Get of the Way and Let Your Kids Just Play

When I was about 10 or so, I had three close friends and after school, on weekends, and throughout the summer we hung out and played—sports, army, riding our bikes, etc.

Behind our neighborhood a new batch of homes were being built. When the workers left for the day, we would explore the construction site. We rode our bikes around the new development and commandeered anything left behind--nails, scraps of wood, paint cans, etc. We climbed up the wooden outlines of the homes precariously balancing on what would become a house’s second story and roof. We pretended to be American soldiers and crept on our bellies to other houses that to us were Nazi strongholds. 

Yes, we occasionally cut ourselves on nails and fell down (and fell off) and got bruised and even a little bloody. We never told our parents what we were doing, instinctively knowing that it would never be sanctioned or deemed safe by any adult. It was the thrill of a little danger of the new housing site that made our time there so adventurous, so much fun, and so memorable. 

The article below made me think of this time in my childhood and of the importance of giving kids—both at home and at school—the latitude for free, unstructured play. 

I liked how the author defined the qualities of kid-only play: nonliteral, intrinsically motivated, process oriented, freely chosen, joyful.

As research has shown, free play not only gives kids the opportunity to be creative but to develop interpersonal skills (learning how to get along, how to lead sometimes, and how to follow at other times) and to make up, follow, and amend as needed the rules of our group.

I know we live in an bubble-wrap age where child safety is paramount, yet, as the article attests, sometimes we as adults need to let go of this fear and let kids explore, have fun, and most importantly learn on their own.

Joe

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When our children were in elementary school, we lived in the heart of a mega-metropolis with little opportunity for outdoor activities and rare glimpses of winter weather. So we took a vacation to the mountains to partake in some of the pleasures of winter. We packed ski suits, hats, gloves, scarves and goggles and drove for hours.

Finally we made our way outside. The adults wanted to head straight for the lifts, but our children had to be coaxed and cajoled out of the mounds of snow around the entrance to the lodge. They touched the snow with their bare hands and threw some in the air, stepping into the deep drifts and poking at the white fluffy goodness with their ski poles.

It became increasingly apparent that, although we had poured a lot of money and effort into a fun ski trip, the children really just wanted to play in the snow. We decided to amend our plans and gave the kids the afternoon to play.

I learned an important lesson that day. My definition of play is different from my children’s understanding of — and need for — play. To me, play is a fun activity with a clear goal, often structured and reached by following step-by-step directions. Children, on the other hand, require time to explore, manipulate, and experiment on their own so they can make sense of the world around them.

Despite our good intentions, adults inhibit children’s play in several ways.

We schedule play while controlling our children’s free time. We fill our children’s days with activities from morning to night, including school, classes, organized sports, lessons and crafts. While these activities can be valuable and important, unlike play, they are goal-oriented and may be motivated by a fear of falling behind.

Creative play often results from boredom and idleness. When children have time, resources and tools at their disposal, they surprise us with imaginative ways of keeping themselves occupied and amused. Ready access to paper, pens, crayons, markers, scissors, glue, tape, empty boxes and toys without specific instructions can lead to ingenious play.

We provide scripts for dramatic play and discourage conflicts. If our children enjoy particular stories and characters, we buy them corresponding costumes and representative toys. We encourage them to reenact scenes and perform associated songs and dances. We assist them in assigning roles and provide an audience for their performances.

True dramatic play occurs when children negotiate among themselves about the roles they will take on and when they determine what to say or what will happen next in a scene. Play takes time to set up and plan. It develops organically and can rarely be duplicated. It may involve healthy tension and conflict between children as they exchange ideas and opinions.

We are overly safety-conscious and risk-averse. We discourage children from climbing, trying to do things in new ways and straying too far from the watchful eyes of their caregivers. As children constantly hear words of caution, they become afraid to try new things. If we let go a little, we might see that they are capable and resilient. Children are hard-wired to play. They are naturally curious and want to explore and act out scenes. To be classified as play, children’s activities must be:

Nonliteral. In imaginative play, I experiment with new possibilities. When I play, I can be a mermaid, I can fly, and this rock can become a beautiful jewel or a tasty treat.

Intrinsically motivated. When I play, I am doing what I do because I like it. I don’t need to know that I am learning something or that I will be stronger or healthier after having done it. I play because I want to.

Process oriented. I find enjoyment in the planning and organizing of my play. A play scenario may take two hours to set up and prepare for but be completed within two minutes of implementing the plan.

Freely chosen. I decide what to do, how to do it and when to start and stop. My companions and I set the rules and adapt them to the changes we encounter but rarely anticipate.

Joyful. I enjoy what I am doing and I like the people I am doing it with.

When we step back and let go, giving our children the freedom to explore and create their own adventures, we give them the gift of play and all the benefits that brings. We also make life easier on ourselves, because it requires less planning and intervention by adults.

Adult-initiated fun activities and child-initiated free play are both valuable and essential to healthy development. I’m glad I learned to recognize the difference between the two, and to plan for both.