The Science of Timeouts

This week’s article summary is The Science of Timeouts. 

When we were kids, the discipline we received from our parents ranged from very strict to more permissive to somewhere in between.

I’d put my parents in the middle with a slight lean toward permissive. 

I was never spanked or hit, yet they were masters at making me feel guilty for my missteps and misbehaviors.

I doubt they read any parenting books; their parenting was more intuitive. But they definitely fell into what the article (and Positive Discipline) calls “authoritative discipline—firm but fair. 

When I was a kid, I knew what was expected of me as a student, person, son, sibling, and friend.  

My parents gave me plenty of room to make decisions about how to act and  be a student in school and, more importantly, how to play with others. My friends and I had ample play time without adult supervision. We had many disagreements, yet we aways managed to settle our disputes in a civil yet age-appropriate manner.

When I messed up (I never did anything too egregious), my errors were opportunities to learn and grow. 

I don’t have any memories of my parents lecturing me too much or sending me to bed without dinner. 

Rather they had a knack for putting the onus of my indiscretions on me and making me think and reflect and--with their guidance if needed--figure out how to make whatever I did wrong right again.

My parents didn’t know that--a la Positive Discipline--all kids search for 'belonging and significance' and that in our childhood years both agency (sense of self) and communion (sense of others) develop over time through practice and experience and positive role modeling from adults.

They weren’t too loose and permissive: an entitled, selfish, bratty, spoiled child was the last thing they wanted me to be or to become. Or overly strict: they understood intuitively that strict punishment hampers the development of intrinsic motivation and personal responsibility.

The article below provides an overview of what 50 years of research shows about what does and doesn’t work at home and in the classroom.

Certainly, societal norms, parenting, and childhood are vastly different now compared to 50 years ago. 

Yet, as I read this article I thought not only of my parents but also of our preplanning session with Kelly Gfroerer and her introduction of Positive Discipline.  I look forward to her remaining sessions, as my guess it will affirm what attuned parents I had!

Joe

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For centuries, spanking and other forms of corporal punishment were the main disciplinary tools of parents in America. 

In the 1960s, though, researchers began to turn their attention to a newfangled option: the timeout.

Sometimes controversial, the timeout is nevertheless now among the most mainstream 

disciplinary recommendations for children. 

The good news is that there's strong science supporting the timeout.

Studies of spanking or corporal punishment show that children who are spanked typically comply with parents in the short term but they become increasingly aggressive in the long term. 

Conversely, over 30 years of timeout research reveal that timeouts are effective at both home and school.

As with all things parenting, though, timeout has its controversies. 

Some critics say that timeout is unnecessary and harsh, and positive parenting should do the trick without the need for punishment.

A closer look, though, reveals less daylight between the schools of thought than it seems. 

Advocates of timeout agree that it's often misused. And they also push many of the positive parenting techniques advocated by researchers in the no-timeout camp.

So what does an appropriate timeout look like? 

First, it must be part of an otherwise warm and loving parent-child relationship. Timeout is a term originally shortened from "timeout from positive reinforcement," meaning that kids are forced to take a break from something they enjoy. If a kid is being ignored or treated badly by the parent, there's no positive reinforcement to take a break from. 

Praising for good behavior, awareness of a child's needs, and teaching about social skills like sharing and turn taking are crucial. Most children respond positively to the kind of parenting that the influential developmental psychologist Diane Baumrind characterized as "authoritative." Authoritative parents set firm boundaries for kids, but pair their expectations with warmth and responsiveness.

The next rule of thumb for timeout is that it should be used very specifically. Timeouts are for kids ages 2 to 6. (Older children are better served by consequences such as removal of privileges.) Parents should pick one or two behaviors — say, hitting and disobeying direct requests — and make very clear to children what behaviors will result in a timeout.

Effectiveness of timeout by duration is hard to study, but anywhere between 2 and 5 minutes is plenty.