The Importance of Mattering

This week’s article summary is The Overlooked Human Need, and it’s written by the author of a new book titled Mattering: The Secret to a Life of Deep Connection and Purpose. (Several of us are currently previewing the book as a possible summer reading option.)

At Trinity, we are proud of the caring, supportive community we have created and sustain year after year. We recognize how important a sense of belonging is for our students, their parents, colleagues, and ourselves.

But the article and the book go deeper than belonging: being part of a group is one thing but feeling that you positively contribute to and make a difference for the group is another.

It’s knowing that we make a difference for others that brings meaning, purpose, and fulfillment to our lives.

Knowing that we matter has many positive benefits: greater personal and professional engagement, better resilience, more optimism, and enhanced compassion and generosity to others.

Conversely, feeling we don’t matter has adverse effects: loneliness, disengagement, purposelessness, depression.

Much like putting the oxygen mask on in an airplane before helping others, it’s crucial for all of us adults at Trinity to know we not only belong but matter: others rely and lean on us. Knowing that we matter makes it easier for us to then cultivate a classroom and school-wide culture and climate where kids know they matter.

As the article states, helping people develop confidence can come from big accomplishments or little moments: saying hello in the hallways, thanking others for lending a hand, relieving someone at morning carpool during frigid weather (like this morning!).If the book makes it to summer reading list, I’m sure during pre-planning we’ll have conversations about how we cultivate a school culture that ensures everyone matters!

Joe

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People don’t just want to belong—they want to know they matter. 

Feeling valued and needed is a basic human need, and it’s something we can create, lose, and rebuild through small, everyday choices in our relationships, work, and communities.

Mattering can be found in life’s big moments, like being celebrated by family and friends during a milestone birthday. It can be found in everyday moments, like when you’re sick and a friend brings you a pot of homemade soup. 

Simply put, mattering is the universal need to feel valued and have a chance to add value to the world. First identified by sociologist Morris Rosenberg in the 1980s, today, mattering is emerging as one of the most essential—and most overlooked—pillars of wellbeing.

At its core, mattering is the story we tell ourselves about our place in the world, as in: Am I valued? Do I make a difference? Would I be missed if I weren’t here? This need is deeply ingrained. For our earliest ancestors, being valued by the group meant safety and survival, while being ignored or cast out was a death sentence. That ancient wiring continues to guide us today.

Mattering cuts both ways, meaning it’s protective when we feel it and destructive when we don’t. When people feel like they matter, they are more resilient, engaged, and generous toward others. When they don’t, they suffer. We often talk about loneliness, burnout, and disengagement as separate crises, but beneath them lies a deeper one: the erosion of mattering. 

This is why mattering feels so urgent right now. In a rapidly shifting world, where artificial intelligence threatens to upend our sense of usefulness, feeling valued and knowing how you add value is a stabilizing force. Mattering is how we build a life of meaning and purpose.

What makes mattering especially compelling is that it offers both a diagnosis and a solution. After decades of research, four elements consistently show up in the lives of people who feel they matter. Together, they form the SAID framework:

• Significance: the sense of being for who you are as an individual
• Appreciation: affirms the doer, not just the deed, recognizing the care, effort, and intention that went behind a contribution
• Investment: reflects the support others offer through guidance and belief in our potential
• Dependence: the dignity of being needed in ways that feel manageable and energizing

These elements can be strengthened through everyday actions. For example, a parent builds a sense of significance by asking their teenager to teach them about something their teen cares about. A manager shows appreciation by closing the loop and connecting an employee to the impact of their work. A friend shows investment by checking in with encouragement before a hard moment. A neighbor fosters dependence by asking someone newly retired to take on a small but meaningful role. A sense of mattering is built in small, everyday moments like these.

Workplaces are our most underutilized tool for restoring a sense of mattering. The numbers tell the story. In 2024, U.S. employee engagement fell to its lowest in a decade, with 70 percent of workers reporting they weren’t engaged in their work..

What happens at work doesn’t stay at work. Researchers refer to the long arm of the job—the ways work life affects our health, relationships, parenting, and even civic life. The Spillover-Crossover Model confirms what many of us have felt: when we’re depleted by our jobs, it’s difficult to be emotionally present at home, creating a psychological distance that can erode our relationships. But the reverse is also true. A caregiver who feels appreciated and valued at work is far more likely to come home and have the bandwidth to approach a child’s emotional needs with patience and empathy.

What I have found in interviews with people who have faced challenges is that rebuilding often occurs by accepting support (rather than going it alone), finding a new, meaningful way to be relied upon, and staying close to people who see our strengths clearly when we can’t see them ourselves.

Many people I interviewed who navigated these transitions well had identified role models—those who have faced similar challenges and found their way through it. Then, they harnessed the power of invitation, either by accepting or by issuing them themselves. An invitation isn’t just about you. When someone reaches out, they’re taking a small risk in their bid for connection. By saying yes, you’re signaling that you value them, too. In this way, extending or accepting an invitation becomes a mutual exchange of mattering.

SEL Doesn't Need a Rebrand

This week’s article summary is SEL Doesn't Need a Rebrand.

Articles like this one always make me happy that I work at the elementary level in a private, independent school: elementary — different from middle and high school — focuses on core habits and skills that aren’t controversial or polarizing. (You must be a real contrarian to argue against elementary schools developing kids' responsibility, compassion, and honesty.) Being non-public, we don’t rely on federal or state funding; those dollars typically come with strings attached.

SEL, or Social-Emotional Learning, has been part of our educational lexicon and curriculum for the past 25-30 years. Replacing the more general Character Development (I taught a Values Clarification elective to 6th graders in the 1990s), SEL has provided more specificity of the inter/intrapersonal skills and habits teachers have always helped develop in their students: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationship skills, responsible decision-making, executive function. 

At admissions open houses, I explain to prospective parents that Trinity shapes and develops our students’ academic and character foundation. Specifically, under character development, I tell parents that we strive to form in children a strong, confident sense of self (intrapersonal skills) and sincere care and concern for others (interpersonal skills) as well as study and organizational skills. I explain that at Trinity character development is integrated in everything we do, not a stand-alone activity. We want our children not only to be successful in academics but, as our mission states, 'responsible, productive, and compassionate member(s) of Trinity and the greater community.' 

From as macro standpoint, it’s frustrating to me that in these polarized political times, SEL in schools has become so controversial. Who would have thought it’s being ‘woke’ to teach kids to think with multiple perspectives, to assume good intentions of others, and to learn that throughout history humans have perpetrated horrible things to others. 

Regardless of the external noise, Trinity continues to stay true to its mission of whole child development and has always made a student character development an integral part of how we teach.

Joe

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The rebranding of social-emotional learning to avoid controversy for being branded as “woke” ideology highlights a real challenge in education today: Political pushback at the local, state, and federal levels has made some educators feel they must camouflage their work, including renaming SEL programs or softening the language.

Despite these challenges, SEL is not a passing fad or a political football. It’s about advancing the science, practice, and policy that help schools and students thrive. SEL has been a fundamental component of a high-quality education that is as essential as reading, writing, math, social studies, and science. The question is not whether we should teach students SEL but whether we have the resolve to define it with clarity, strengthen its evidence base, and defend its value.

SEL equips students with the knowledge and skills to understand and manage emotions, make responsible decisions, build healthy relationships, and navigate challenges. These outcomes are the foundation of academic achievement, a positive school climate, and lifelong success.

Decades of evidence show that the strength of our relationships is a powerful predictor of children’s well-being and lifelong success. Unfortunately, technology, social media, and cultural pressures often pull students toward shallow interactions and endless social comparisons.

At the same time, children (and adults) are sent messages to suppress, deny, or ignore their feelings from every corner of society—families, schools, workplaces, news and entertainment media—that equate emotional expression with weakness or instability. From “toughen up” at home to “be professional” at work. The result? Increased conflict with others, higher stress levels, weaker relationships, disengagement in learning, and too often, hopelessness.

SEL works, but positive impact requires thoughtful design; alignment with students cognitive, social, and emotional development; and sustained, high-quality implementation.

Imagine walking into a school where students can name and manage their emotions, teachers model calm under pressure, conflicts are addressed constructively, and learning feels rigorous and civilized. This isn’t fantasy; it’s what schools look like when SEL is woven into the fabric of teaching and learning.

So why the backlash? Much of it stems from SEL having been mischaracterized by political advocacy groups and certain policymakers as ideology or indoctrination—whether in the form of critical race theory, gender and sexuality politics, or values training—rather than a science-backed approach to child development. Even some educators struggle to define it clearly. Without precise definitions about what it is and its value, SEL remains vulnerable to distortion.

The ability to recognize, understand, label, express, and regulate emotions—in short, emotional intelligence—provides both the science and structure for this essential work. But emotion regulation is often one of the most misunderstood constructs. Too often, people think it means suppressing or denying your and others’ emotions or striving for constant positivity. In reality, it is the capacity to draw on strategies like seeing a difficult situation from a different or more helpful perspective, calming the body, or seeking support to manage emotions wisely to improve relationships, well-being, and goal attainment. Without this clear, science-based definition, schools risk confusing emotion regulation with compliance or equating it with suppression. With clarity, we give students and educators alike a powerful, humane skill set for navigating life inside and beyond the school building.

Common Misperceptions About Student Engagement

This week’s article summary is The Three Big Misconceptions About Student Engagement.

When I worked in a progressive school, the pedagogical mantra was ‘make school fun.’ I always felt the logical addition to this should have be ‘and make sure your students are learning.’ Too often some schools can get so caught up in the fun that they neglect the principal purpose of education: learning.

The article below focuses on the trend in schools to make sure students are ‘engaged’ and ‘motivated’. 

But the problem is many of the popular teaching strategies like active, moving classrooms; classroom discussions, especially student-to-student; peer editing; and student-led, problem-based learning do not necessarily result in enhanced student learning.

As the article points out, learning is a cognitive process that requires varied and spaced practice.  

While students being bored in class (like the iconic classroom scene in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off ) does not lead to much learning, we educators need to avoid assuming learning is occurring just because kids are engaged in the assignment.

Joe

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Across my years as a district-level coach, one word has become the mantra for effective learning: engagement. We gamify lessons, add technology, and design ever more creative activities, all in the name of engagement. To educators, it’s the holy grail. But this shimmering ideal—and its cousin, motivation—often keeps teachers spinning their wheels.

The crux of all this effort is this: Engagement and motivation are surface-level indicators of learning, and they can be misleading. Activity doesn’t always mean understanding. The Hidden Lives of Learners explains that some of the most “engaged” classrooms are simply exploring material that most students have already mastered. Motivation, likewise, is more closely tied to a student’s sense of success than to including Minecraft in a lesson.

This misunderstanding of engagement often leads school leaders to adopt what they believe are “visible” measures of learning—walk-through tools that focus primarily on student behaviors. But rarely do these tools capture cognitive engagement: the mental effort, challenge, and persistence that leads to durable learning.

Misconception #1: Active Classrooms are Learning Classrooms: It’s easy to mistake activity for learning—a belief inherited from early progressive education, which equated “learning by doing” with true understanding. When administrators walk into a classroom, they often hope to see this: students who are up, out of their desks, talking, collaborating, or working in small groups, with minimal teacher direction. It can be hard to convince them that these behaviors aren’t reliable signs of learning. Cognitive psychologists Robert and Elizabeth Bjork have identified how we often confuse short-term performance—like recall right after instruction—with genuine learning. Durable learning depends on effortful, spaced, and varied practice. Sometimes, students learn most in quiet moments of concentration, which is hard to capture in a quick classroom observation.

Misconception #2: Discourse is a Great Indicator of Learning: Just as visibly active classrooms are an unreliable indicator of true learning, those filled with lively discussion can also mask shallow processing. Classroom walk-throughs, which capture only a snapshot in time, reveal little about what students will retain. Verbal participation alone does not ensure that students are retaining the content. Discourse can play a valuable role in learning, but only when it’s intentionally structured. Adaptive teacher-student discussions—where teachers asked probing questions and guided reasoning—can lead to measurable gains in student learning. An earlier metanalysis found that discussion-based tasks produced vastly different outcomes depending on scaffolding, task design, and prior knowledge. In other words, talk can support achievement, but it isn’t necessarily a reliable indicator of learning.

Misconception #3: Student-Led Learning Environments Produce Better Learning Outcomes than Those That are Teacher-Led: Many educators assume that giving students more control over their learning will automatically boost both engagement and achievement. However, cognitive load theorists have found that students lacking sufficient background knowledge often struggle in minimally guided settings. This can impact learners at any grade level when the material is unfamiliar. Many educators also believe that students won’t engage unless lessons are “fun” or relevant. Yet true motivation comes from success, not novelty. Self-Determination theory focuses on the psychological drivers of motivation: students are motivated the most when they feel competent and autonomous.

Rather than chasing the latest collaborative ed-tech tool, instruction should be deliberately designed to help students grapple with ideas, recognize growth, and build cognitive stamina. Neuroscience research shows that moments of success activate reward pathways in the brain, reinforcing effort and persistence. Engagement, then, is not engineered through novelty but emerges when learning produces visible growth.

This isn’t meant to be a pessimistic take on engagement—of course it matters. We want our students to be attentive, curious, and invested. But what many educators picture as engagement is often a skewed view of what leads to durable learning. Rather than spending energy trying to match every lesson to students’ interests, focus on ensuring they understand the content, experience success, and feel a strong rapport with their teachers. These research-backed strategies build confidence and competence—the true foundations of authentic engagement. Instead of relying on quick fixes or elaborate engagement tactics, double down on what works: explicit modeling, deliberate practice, and timely, targeted feedback. If we spent more time creating classrooms like that, we wouldn’t need to ask whether our students were engaged. They simply would be.

10 Top Educational Studies of 2025

This week’s article summary is "The 10 Most Significant Education Studies of 2025."

Every year, Edutopia publishes an annual roundup of the most significant education research from the prior year.

As in past years, many of the findings reinforce long-standing best practices. This year’s research again highlighted the value of outdoor recess, in-class brain breaks, writing by hand with pencils and pens, allowing students to wrestle with problems before stepping in, and building strong, trusting relationships within schools.

Not surprisingly, students today struggle with math word problems much as previous generations did.

Several studies also examined the impact of artificial intelligence on teaching and learning. For educators, AI can be a helpful tool that reduces administrative workload; for students, however, over-reliance on AI often limits deep understanding and meaningful learning.

Finally, research shows that phone-free classrooms—introduced over the past two years in many middle and high schools—result in improved student behavior and stronger learning outcomes.

Joe

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IT’S OVER FOR CELL PHONES: Researchers embarked on a massive project to determine the impact of cell phone bans on academic performance. Phone-free classrooms produced better academic outcomes, especially among new and struggling students. The will to ban phones in U.S. schools has been slow to coalesce but has recently gained momentum. This year 22 states passed new laws restricting phone use in schools. Beyond improved grades, the researchers reported “fewer instances of disruptive behavior” in classrooms, “less peer-to-peer conversation unrelated to course material,” and better student-teacher relationships. Kids who attended class without phones, meanwhile, became converts: As a group, they were “significantly more supportive of phone-use restrictions” going forward—signaling a “convergence of academic performance” and “increased student receptivity” that highlights the potential of phone bans to transform school cultures, the researchers say.

CRACKING THE CODE OF MATH WORD PROBLEMS: Researchers found that students often stumbled when trying to translate narrative text in math word problems into manageable, computable steps. What may seem like a straightforward scenario—calculating the gas, food, and lodging costs for a family road trip, for example—can exert “high demands on working memory” as information outstrips cognitive bandwidth. In the study, the most common technique—highlighting key elements of a word problem—was only marginally helpful. But when used as the first step in a broader “organizational and elaborative” approach that included sketching diagrams, categorizing information, and annotating the problems with arrows or labels, students were better able to see how the pieces fit together. What’s the secret behind the strategies? Math word problems often present more information than students can hold in working memory. “Capable problem solvers” offload information to sketch pads and margin notes and reintegrate it later, allowing savvy students to refocus their attention on a smaller set of factors as they work to translate a story into solvable math.

BENEFITS OF MICROBREAKS:  Sustained student attention is the horse that never wins. Researchers detected the first signs of wobbly student focus a mere five minutes into a lecture. Attention then steadily declined for the rest of the lesson. Microbreaks are very effective, consisting of activities like “closing your eyes, quietly speaking with fellow classmates, stretching, or drinking water.” The attempt to master challenging material always leads to mind-wandering—there are no cures. Historical studies of attention spans place the limits at various thresholds, from eight to 10 to 25 minutes. Instead of trying to “overcome these constraints,” the researchers say, educators should “acknowledge the theoretical impossibility of perfect sustained attention” and choose strategies that are compatible with “inherent neural, biological, and cognitive limitations.”

HANDWRITING LEADS TO (MUCH) BETTER READING: In the debate over screens versus paper, new research tips the scale dramatically, revealing that writing by hand—but not typing—helps build the cognitive framework young students rely on to decode letters and recognize words. Across nearly every measure, the children who wrote letters by hand demonstrated superior alphabetic and orthographic skills. A study of seventh graders revealed telltale traces of deeper learning when kids wrote words instead of typing them, confirming that handwriting is an “important tool for learning and memory retention” that benefits students across all ages, including middle and high school. As screens increasingly claim space in children’s daily routines, the studies argue for a return to older technologies. For the youngest readers and writers, the need for a steady diet of pencil and paper work is inarguable. Meanwhile, middle and high school students can move between tools like Google Docs and old-fashioned paper notebooks, gaining crucial experience with modern technologies while periodically slowing down to engage in methodical, embodied thinking.

WHEN TO RESIST THE URGE TO HELP STUDENTS: Feeling competent is crucial to well-being, but for young learners it tends to come at a price: a dose of (healthy) frustration. When adults spot a struggling student and intervene too quickly, it can signal that solutions are beyond the child’s ability—and dampen their confidence and willingness to take intellectual risks when new challenges arise. As early as age 5, children across a range of studies reviewed by the researchers became “less motivated to persist on a difficult task” after an adult stepped in to help solve a puzzle. The impulse to rescue students from confusion and frustration is hard to ignore, but real learning often happens in the difficult moments just before we do. When tempted to step in, educators might consider other scaffolds like “providing hints or asking questions,” pointing kids in the right direction without doing the thinking for them. Offering a few useful stepping stones in lieu of answers can preserve independence and foster self-

AI TAKES A BIG BITE OUT OF SPECIAL ED PAPERWORK: Special education teachers often face an overwhelming volume of paperwork, from drafting IEPs to logging weekly data on student progress and tracking learning accommodations. That’s precious time that could be reallocated to working directly with kids. A team of researchers asked experienced K–12 special education teachers to write an IEP goal based on a brief description of a student’s disability, past performance, and areas of need. The same teachers then used ChatGPT to generate an IEP goal by providing basic information about a student’s learning differences. After analyzing both sets of goals on six dimensions including clarity, measurability, and timeliness, the researchers found “no statistically significant difference in quality” between the AI-generated versions and those written entirely by teachers. The teachers, however, had a more favorable impression: Most said that the ChatGPT goals were “either of the same or better quality than they think a special education teacher… would have written,” and viewed AI as a tool they could use to improve efficiency.

BLISSED-OUT KIDS: Decades ago, the U.S. had a “simple philosophy” on school recess that recognized outdoor play as “essential for healthy and happy children” and honored the principle by setting aside 60 minutes for daily recess. In the ensuing years, a creeping tide of academic expectations led to more seat time and testing, undermining the quality and quantity of free play in schools. The researchers say that recess should be frequent, unstructured, and outdoors. More independent play yields happier, more socially competent children, according to an ever-expanding body of research. One study that combed through 50 years of historical records concluded that kids in the past spent more time outdoors and derived long-term benefits from opportunities to “play, roam, and engage in other activities independent of direct oversight and control by adults.”

THE VALUE OF RELATIONSHIPS: From kindergarten through high school, students spend roughly 15,000 hours with teachers, making the quality of those relationships a crucial factor in learning. Supportive student-teacher relationships were linked to a wide range of benefits across grade levels: higher academic achievement, improved behavior, better executive function and self-control, and greater feelings of belonging, motivation, and well-being. “Students who feel a sense of belonging within the school community are more successful academically,” the researchers note, pointing to the crucial role that teachers play in creating a culture that helps students reach their full potential. Relationships before rigor holds true, then.

TEACHING MIGHT BE ONE OF THE MOST COMPLICATED JOBS IN THE WORLD: Thrust into the chaos of real classrooms, teachers may look back at their training and wonder if too much time was spent learning about conceptual models—and not enough time practicing everyday teacher moves. Researchers compared “traditional” teacher prep programs, which emphasize reading and discussion of theoretical frameworks, with “practice-based” approaches that focus on expert observation and role-playing in simulated classroom environments. Watching videos of master teachers and then “rehearsing” in the presence of coaches might be especially beneficial for young teachers, because the approach allows for “feedback in the moment” along with quick hints on “how to elevate instruction.” In the end, practice trumped theory. Teaching dozens, or even hundreds, of students is mind-numblingly complicated: Kids process information at different speeds, possess wildly disparate skills in reading and math, and sometimes come to school grumpy, fidgety, or even desperately hungry. To get learning off the ground under those circumstances, as so many teachers do every day, theory is insufficient. Regular practice, access to inspiring mentors, time for planning, and plenty of encouragement and patience from administrators and peers is the path to improving one of the most challenging jobs in the world.

WRITERS USING CHATGPT ARE STRANGERS TO THEIR OWN THINKING: Given free rein with ChatGPT, ninth, 10th, and 11th graders engage in only superficial conversations with the software; among the most frequent student queries were “can u solve this question?” and “what is the answer?” The results were unsurprising: AI users performed well in practice sessions, but then quickly forgot most of what they’d learned and bombed a closed-book test on the material. It’s not as cut-and-dried as it sounds; the how and when of AI usage seems to matter a great deal. Several studies conclude that AI tutors designed to withhold answers and ask probing questions, for example, make excellent study partners.

Enjoy Holiday Break

This week's article summary is How One Sentence Can Change Your Life.

Holiday break is a much-needed time during the school year for a re-set. 

Spring Break — and obviously, Summer — are the two other times when we have time to take a few deep breaths, practice self-care, and re-energize our professional batteries.

But to me Holiday Break is special in that the re-focus is about gearing up for the second half of the year, like a water break at the 13-mile marker of a marathon.

My annual mid-year re-set includes attitudinal re-centering.

Below is an article with inspiring quotes that helped people refocus their attitude toward the bigger picture and not to let life’s frustrations, anger, stress, or disappointment get the better of them.

Over the next few weeks when you find a few spare moments of solitude and self-reflection, think about which of the quotes below could be a mantra you use to re-orient yourself when the outside pressures of life try to get you down.

Enjoy the holidays with family, friends, and hopefully some alone time!

Joe

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There’s nothing quite like having a breakthrough moment. When you hear something that completely reframes how you view a challenging life situation that helps you move past the barrier and into a new headspace, it can be exhilarating.

 "Breakthrough is that moment when frustration, struggling, fear, worry, or anxiety disappears,” famed personal development coach Tony Robbins once said. “It's a moment of insight, recognition about who you are, and the realization that you are more than the moment. It's a radical, massive improvement in the quality of your life, and as a result, all those you have the privilege to touch."

 Here are some words of advice sentences that changed people’s lives.

Sometimes when you’re in a dark place, you think you’ve been buried, but you’ve actually been planted: This is a spin on an old saying, They tried to bury us, but they didn't realize we were seeds.

Never try to hate anyone; often they don't care, and you're left doing all the work: Said by a friend of mine at a very critical time in my life. It's been said in other ways, but that one stuck with me for the last 35+ years. Makes me think of this gem: Never get in a fight with a pig. You both get covered in sh*t but the pig enjoys it. Hate corrodes the vessel it's carried in.

Have you had a bad day, or did you have a bad 5 minutes that you let ruin your day? I need someone to remind me of this sometimes! I'm not neurotypical and I can tell sometimes that when things can't go to my plan or agreed schedule it can be like a monkey wrench in a gear and just PAUSE my life in a way I hate sometimes.

People are quick to accept that the smallest change in the past can dramatically change the present, yet refuse to accept that the smallest action today can completely change the world: Hindsight’s 20/20 as they say, and it’s easier to know the difference between the outcome compared to the present. Whereas our current actions, we really have no way of knowing how it’ll affect the future, as there are so many other variables that could affect things, and we can’t see into the future.

Don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm: This reminds of an African proverb Beware the naked man who offers you clothes.

 I love you enough to let you hate me

 Nothing is going to be different unless you do things differently: Nothing changes if nothing changes!

Living well is the best revenge: Instead of making yourself miserable stewing over the past, improve your life and make yourself happy. For the people that hate you, or just generally dislike you, there's nothing worse than seeing you be happy. If someone hurts you on purpose, you don't need to try and hurt them back, if you become obsessed with them, then they've won, but being happy and leading a good life is the best revenge you could have, because they'll hate to see it. If you can't love yourself for you, love yourself just out of spite towards the people who would bring you down.

Don't let perfect be the enemy of good enough

Acceptance is the answer: When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation—some fact of my life—unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. I was so consumed with everything that was wrong around me. It made me start looking at and adjusting myself instead. I can only control me.

You never know what someone is going through, always be kind: Always react with kindness. It costs you nothing and can make most situations much better.

Righty tighty, lefty loosey: Sometimes it’s the banal reminders that ground me!

The price of procrastination is the life you could have lived.

Let today be the day you learn the grace of letting go, and the power of moving on.

 

Girls and Boys Solve Math Problems Differently

This week's article summary is Girls and Boys Solve Math Problems Differently.

The big takeaway from this article is while girls typically get better grades in math classes—particularly in elementary and middle school--more boys than girls end up in jobs that requires math.

Girls have a greater tendency to follow the mathematical procedures taught by their teacher while boys are much more willing to be experimental and creative in devising their own methods and strategies for solving math problems.

This adventurousness of boys is advantageous when to comes to dealing with increasingly complex and multi-step math problems.

Certainly, there are other factors at work: for example, girls tend to be compliant in class and deferential to the teacher.

The pedagogy Trinity employs for teaching math emphasizes creative problem solving. We challenge students (both girls and boys) to find multiple ways to solve problems, helping to build deeper conceptual understanding. This deeper understanding of math concepts increases a student's confidence and flexibility when they encounter more complex math concepts and problems.

Joe

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Among high school students and adults, girls and women are much more likely to use traditional, step-by-step algorithms to solve basic math problems – such as lining up numbers to add, starting with the ones place, and “carrying over” a number when needed. 

Boys and men are more likely to use alternative shortcuts, such as rounding both numbers, adding the rounded figures, and then adjusting to remove the rounding.

Those who use traditional methods on basic problems are less likely to solve more complex math problems correctly. 

These are the main findings of two studies published in November 2025.

This new evidence may help explain an apparent contradiction in the existing research: girls do far better at math in school, but boys do better on high-stakes math tests and are more likely to pursue math intensive careers. 

Boys and girls approach math problems differently, in ways that persist into adulthood.

In a recent study of U.S. elementary students, boys outnumbered girls 4 to1 among the top 1% of scorers on national math tests. And over many decades, boys have been about twice as likely as girls to be among the top scorers on the SAT and AP math exams.

However, girls tend to be more diligent in elementary school and get better grades in math class throughout their schooling. 

When older adults think of math, they may recall memorizing times tables or doing the tedious, long-division algorithm. Memorization and rule-following can pay off on math tests focused on procedures taught in school, but more advanced math involves solving new, perplexing problems rather than following the rules.

In looking at studies of young children, the research team was struck by findings that young boys use more inventive strategies on computation problems, whereas girls more often use standard algorithms or counting. 

We suspected that girls’ tendency to use algorithms might stem from greater social pressure toward compliance, including complying with traditional teacher expectations. The research showed that girls were more likely to report a desire to please teachers, such as by completing work as directed. Those who said they did have that desire used the standard algorithm more often.

We identified some factors that may play a role in these gender differences, including spatial-thinking skills, which may help people develop alternate calculations approaches. Anxiety about taking tests and perfectionism, both more prevalent among women, may also be a factor.

While compliant behavior and standard math methods often lead to correct answers and good grades in school, we believe schools should prepare all students – regardless of gender – for when they face unfamiliar problems that require inventive problem-solving skills, whether in daily life, on high-stakes tests or in math-intensive professions.

Improvement in Youth Mental Health

This week's article summary is The Good News About the Youth Mental Health Crisis.

Particularly after the Covid pandemic, the mental health crisis in youths around the world has been in the spotlight.

While adolescence--at least since the 1950s when the idea of teen culture began--has included inevitable angst and self-doubt, the world today seems more dangerous and unpredictable. It used to be a given that the next generation in America would aspire and often achieve a higher quality of life than the previous one — especially when it came to material things like houses, cars, etc. The belief in continuous progress and increasing wealth is gone.

With more competition, not just from other people but from AI too, internal and external pressure to be perfect and excel in all things all the time, anxiety about the future, more online than in-person time, and politicians/social media influencers who often spew hateful, polarizing messages, the world today is more troubling than in previous generations.

All this uncertainty has had an adverse effect on today’s youth: anxiety, loneliness, depression.

Although many of us believe that teens are heading toward even deeper, darker abyss of emotional turmoil, the article below is a hopeful sign that adolescents in the aggregate may be starting to feel better about themselves and their future.

Part of the reason is that we adults, especially parents and teachers, have been more attuned to their needs and are more sensitive to their psychological well-being. For example, many of the schools our alums matriculate to have gone lighter on homework and overall academic workload. 

Part of it also may be that kids today recognize that to change the world for the better, they need to take more initiative and not entrust the older generation to shape the future. Think of the recent New York City mayoral election which was dramatically impacted by young voters.

Clearly the crisis isn’t over, and kids of all ages need our attention, empathy, compassion, and guidance; yet I am glad to see that that the data is moving in a positive direction regarding adolescent mental health.

Joe

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If there’s one settled fact about life online, it’s that negativity gets more attention than positivity. As one study of more than 100,000 headlines found, negative stories receive far more interest than positive ones. 

Which is why you probably haven’t yet heard the good news about the youth mental health crisis. 

The youth mental health crisis is real. The fact that young people have been struggling emotionally has earned extensive coverage for at least a half-decade, with good reason. Rates of anxiety and depression shot up among youth over the last several years. Horrifyingly, the suicide rate for 10- to 24-year-olds jumped 62 percent from 2007 to 2021. 

The numbers were so alarming that in 2021 the American Academy of Pediatrics, American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, and Children’s Hospital Association jointly declared a national emergency in child and adolescent mental health. That same year the U.S. Surgeon General issued a youth mental health advisory.

This wasn’t media overreaction. Young people really have been struggling mightily. But amid this tornado of alarming news, and with the internet’s baseline preference for negativity, it’s easy for glimmers of hope to get lost. 

Which is why most of us haven’t yet heard that the youth mental health crisis is showing signs of improvement.

That’s the message of a recent article in Greater Good Magazine by Anya Kamenetz. When it comes to young people’s mental health, “things have been looking up in many ways,” Kamenetz writes. “And while there are certainly still disparities and major gaps to be addressed, the incipient positive turn in youth well-being is not receiving the same amount of attention as the negative trendlines before it.” 

What are these underreported green shoots of good news? 

Kamenetz mentions several: 

• Data shows a two-year uptick in college students who are flourishing for the first time since 2012.
• Other sources indicate a small decrease in reported loneliness and anxiety among young people.
• Numbers from Health’s Youth Mental Health Tracker showed four-in-five reported being satisfied with life, happy, and feeling that what they do in life is meaningful in 2024.  
• In July 2024 94 percent of 10- to 18-year-olds told Gallup that they felt happiness “a lot” the previous day. 
• The National Institutes of Health reported an unprecedented trend in the reduction of illicit substance use among teenagers in 2024.

Taken together, all these data points paint a picture of young people who, while still worried about their future and the world’s many problems, are feeling slightly better overall. 

The data suggest something real has shifted. But at this early stage it’s not entirely clear what that is. Covid and all its attendant traumas slowly receding into the rearview mirror certainly can’t hurt. Kamenetz also suggests that the attention on youth mental health may have driven resources and funding towards the problem. 

Whatever the causes, these hopeful signs are encouraging. But that doesn’t mean we should declare “job done” and pop the champagne. 

There is still a lot of suffering out there, particularly among LGBTQ+, minority, and economically disadvantaged youth, Kamenetz stresses. We have a long way to go to help everyone who needs support. But it is important to notice success so we can build on them. 

There is another reason to notice and applaud signs that a turnaround in youth mental health is underway. All the recent doom and gloom on the subject in itself might be contributing to young people’s mental health issues.

Northwestern University psychology professors Vijay Mittal and Renee Engeln recently argued in theWall Street Journal that the attention given to the youth mental health crisis may be accidentally making it worse.

“The growing focus on students’ anxiety and depression, while well-intentioned, may be making psychological distress seem inevitable. Instead of fostering a supportive community for adolescent and young-adult students with mental-health concerns, we may be reinforcing a false and destructive belief that misery is universal among young people,” they warn.

Panicked headlines about sad teenagers may have inadvertently conveyed the message that, if you are a thoughtful, aware, kind kid, you will also inevitably be a miserable one. That messaging could nudge young people to over focus and even pathologize negative emotions that are a normal part of human life. 

“Emotions are contagious. When students internalize the idea that suffering is the norm, that norm—even when inaccurate—can foster a culture of misery,” the psychologists worry. 

Raising the alarm about suffering young people was the right thing to do. You need to know about a problem in order to solve it. But given what attracts most eyeballs in the media, it’s important to trumpet positive developments too. 

For one, we all need more positivity (and factual accuracy) in our lives. Plus, good news is energizing. If you see that your efforts are having an impact, you’ll likely be driven to work even harder. Finally, negativity can become a self-reinforcing cycle.

Teens who think being young means guaranteed mental health woes are more vulnerable to suffering. Thankfully, that’s not what the latest data says. 

Yes, the kids have been going through a very rocky patch. But evidence suggests things are starting to look a little more positive for youth mental health. Serious psychological suffering need not be an inevitable part of being young.