Digital Media's Influence on Boys

This week's article summary is Digital Culture is Defining Boyhood, and it's a follow-up to a recent summary, which focused on how boys today are exposed to anti-social attitudes/behaviors by social media influencers.

Like last week’s recommendations, this article stresses the importance of boys (and girls as well) having strong, trusting relationships with peers and role models, especially teachers, coaches, and parents.

The author recommends that rather than demonize technology, parents need to guide their children to appropriate technology use. Most boys like to play video games and watch YouTube and TikTok videos. By trying to ban tech use, parents make the forbidden more desirable. Helping kids become skeptical of what they see and experience online, talking about the ambiguities and complexities of the real world, and facilitating face-to-face relationships and discussions will support boys’ growth and development into becoming productive, purposeful adults.

As they move from childhood into adolescence, both boys and girls need to know they matter, belong, and are loved.

I remember my two boys in high school being a thorn in the side of my wife and me, just as I was a pain to my parents when I was a teenager; yet no adult every gave up on my kids or me, even showing care and patience as we discovered who we were going to be as adults.

Caring and understanding teaching and parenting will always supersede social media.

Joe

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When you think about who teaches boys what it means to “be a man,” you probably picture parents, teachers, or maybe coaches.

But a new Common Sense Media report, Boys in the Digital Wild: Online Culture, Identity, and Well-Being, finds that for today’s kids, it’s more likely to be algorithms, influencers, and gaming culture.

The report shows how social media feeds, YouTube channels, and multiplayer games are quietly — yet powerfully — shaping how boys see themselves. The findings highlight the good, the bad, and the complicated realities of growing up male online.

According to the report, three-quarters of boys regularly encounter masculinity-related content online. Messages about “making money” (44 percent), “building muscle” (39 percent), and “fighting or weapons” (35 percent) show up repeatedly, especially for older teens.

Talk To Your Boys author Christopher Pepper says these findings echo what he’s seen in classrooms and in his work with young men’s groups.

“It was striking to see how much algorithms drive boys’ exposure to posts about masculinity. 68 percent of boys who see such material online say it started showing up in their feed without them searching for it,” Pepper. “Adults need to know that as soon as tween and teen boys go online, these algorithms recognize who they are and start promoting a whole set of content to them, and very little of it is designed to help them feel good about themselves or connect well with others.”  

Common Sense Media‘s past research found teens spent an average of 8.5 hours per day on screens (not counting schoolwork).

The report found that over two-thirds of boys (69 percent) regularly see content reinforcing outdated gender roles: that girls only want to date certain kinds of guys, that girls use their looks to get what they want, that boys are treated unfairly compared to girls.

Exposure to this content shifts how boys handle emotions. Those with high exposure are nearly four times more likely to believe sharing worries makes them look weak (40 percent vs. 11 percent of low-exposure boys). Half say they hide hurt feelings from friends.

26 percent say they feel lonely, and loneliness is significantly more common among those immersed in masculinity content online. Lonely boys hang out less often in person and are less likely to join activities that could help them feel connected.

“Right from the beginning, we kind of socialize boys away from connection and away from intimacy,” adds Ruth Whippman, author of Reimagining Boyhood in the Age of Impossible Masculinity. “Boys are every bit as emotionally complex as girls are, and we should engage with them in that way.”

To avoid teasing, nearly half of boys (46 percent) believe they must not cry, show sadness, or show fear to avoid being teased. More than a third believe they shouldn’t act “gay” or “feminine.” Online culture reinforces these rules, making it even harder for boys to express themselves authentically.

While most boys still say they’d turn to parents first in a tough time, the pull of influencers is undeniable: 60 percent say creators inspire them, and 56 percent say influencers give them practical help. Nearly half of boys most exposed to masculinity content credit an influencer with helping them through something difficult.

Pepper notes, “If you’re frustrated with how your son is using technology, or worried about who they are listening to online, rather than being loud and angry about it, try to use a strategic approach. Ask open-ended questions about what’s so compelling about the video game they love, or why it’s so hard to stop playing. This is a key time to emphasize connection — boys can look up to people they don’t know, but they still need close, caring adults in their lives. We shouldn’t let online voices control the whole conversation.”

Pepper emphasizes that connection is the cornerstone. “As this report details, a lot of day-to-day time in the lives of boys and young men involves technology — and it’s mostly on devices that they use on their own, with headphones. That means it can take real work to know what’s going on in your child’s life,” he says. “It’s so important for parents to make a concerted effort to stay connected and offer guidance. We see a lot of parents backing off from involved parenting when their boys get to middle school or high school, and that’s a real misstep. Instead, we need to tune in to our boys and young men, really looking for moments to connect.”

Other things parents can (and should) do:

• Talk about algorithms: Ask what videos pop up in their feeds, and explain how platforms push content they didn’t choose
• Normalize emotional expression: Let boys see adults — especially dads and male role models — express sadness, worry, or vulnerability
• Address body image directly: Discuss unrealistic expectations online, and remind them that appearance doesn’t equal worth
• Stay curious about influencers: Ask who they follow and why, and guide them toward positive voices
• Strengthen offline support: Prioritize real-world friendships, family time, and activities where boys feel accepted for who they are.

The big takeaway? Parents still matter enormously — but they have to speak up and stay connected, because digital culture is filling in the silence. The digital wild can be overwhelming, but with parents in the mix, boys don’t have to navigate it alone.

What's Going On with Boys?

This week's summary is What's Going On with Boys? It was written by an independent school teacher who’s a parent of a young girl and a younger boy.

The article provides an overview of the gradual decline over the past 15-20 years of boys’ academic performance in schools.

The prevailing culture of school today is often a mismatch for a lot of boys. 

First, boys’ brains mature later than girls, even in the preschool years. Girls on average have an easier time adjusting to the expectations of school, especially the emphasis on self-regulation, attention, and self-control.

Second, boys are generally more physical than girls, yet most school classrooms, particular in public schools, over the past 20 years have become more sedentary environments with little movement or recess time.

Third, with the ubiquity of technology, boys out of school spend a lot of time playing video games and are susceptible to social influencers who may espouse anti-social, misogynistic, hyper-masculine beliefs. Hence, boys can fall victim to dangerously poor role models.

Fourth, boys’ lack of readiness (both academically and social-emotionally) results in them lagging behind girls from early on in school. The current college graduation rate of female (60%) versus male (40%) is sobering evidence.

While there are no simple solutions for this, a very important need to help boys in school is the development and constant presence of strong relationships with their teachers. And the author reminds us that ultimately it’s up to us adults to develop these relationships. Some ways to do this are for teachers to show an interest in what boys do outside of school, to provide scaffolding to support boys’ emotional development, to allow some latitude for boys’ (mis)behavior, and to make all students a partner in expected classroom behavior.

At Trinity, we are clearly at an advantage in that many of the above recommendations are already utilized by our teachers.

Still, all of us need to be more mindful of the difference between boys and girls and avoid the negative bias about boys.

Joe

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When my daughter started kindergarten in 2021, she came home with stories about her new and wonderful experiences: what she was learning, who her teachers were, what the other kids were like. Almost within days, she began telling me another part of the story. 

“The boys are always in trouble,” she’d say.

“The boys are always at the teacher’s desk.” 

“The boys are so loud and distracting, I can’t concentrate sometimes.”

I began to worry about my then 3-year-old son. What was in store for him in two years’ time?

As both a parent and an educator, I felt compelled to answer this question: What’s going on with boys in school?” And as I researched and learned, the answer became clear: Boys are not doing as well in school as girls. 

In Of Boys and Men, Richard Reeves provides evidence to back up this claim. Boys are twice as likely as girls to say that school is a waste of time, three times more likely to be expelled, and two times more likely to be suspended. In reading, girls are ahead by about one grade level, and reading and verbal skills are a strong predictor of college matriculation. So it should come as no surprise that young men attend and graduate from college much less often than young women. In 1972, 57% of college graduates were men; by 2022, only 42% of college graduates were men.

As I learned more and more about these alarming trends, I reflected on how rarely schools have explored issues that affect boys. By understanding what’s going on with boys—how their brains develop and what they are experiencing in today’s world—we can meet the moment to provide effective support for boys’ success inside and outside the classroom. 

One clue to help us understand what’s going on with boys in school lies in the significant differences in the timing of brain development of boys and girls. The first major gap in brain development occurs around kindergarten. One study shows that by age 5, girls are 14% more likely to be school-ready than boys. In Raising Cain, Dan Kindlon and Michael Thompson describe typical young boys as having “high activity, impulsivity, and physicality.” This behavior is “often seen by teachers as something that must be overcome for a boy to succeed in school.” 

So from their very first school days, many boys are starting off on the wrong foot. This is exacerbated by female teachers being more likely than male teachers to view boys in their class as disruptive, while male teachers tend to have a more positive view of boys and their capabilities.

The gap between girls’ and boys’ brain development widens drastically during puberty. A typical girl’s prefrontal cortex matures about two years before a typical boy’s. The prefrontal cortex plays a role in planning, strategy, and executive decisions, inhibiting primal survival responses, and regulating emotional states. This offset in brain development and executive function has a direct impact on boys’ educational outcomes. Study after study suggests that the best-performing students are ‘good’ students … who have high levels of self-regulation, which is exactly the area where boys display, on average, a deficit compared to girls during adolescence. 

In The Anxious Generation, Jonathan Haidt, identifies two other sources of boys’ recent struggles in school: diminishing independence and free play; and massive amounts of time online, playing video games, using social media, and learning about masculinity from what is called “the manosphere”—a miasma of bloggers and influencers often hostile to women and feminism. Manosphere influencers have large followings including teen boys. They advocate a limited vision of what it means to be a man. According to a recent report “the more a man subscribes to cultural norms about manhood that support emotional repression, self-reliance, dominance, and control, the less mentally strong and adaptable he is.” The more likely he is to have higher rates of depression, anxiety, and bullying and sexual harassment of women.

In the face of these challenges, what can schools do? A study concluded that teachers need to cultivate a positive relationship with their boys. Even when boys make this challenging, it is crucial that educators overcome their own frustration and remind themselves that the relationship is their responsibility, not the boys’. 

The study painted a picture of a successful independent school teacher of boys, one who: employs transitive teaching (“the capacity of some element in the lesson … to hold student attention in a way that leads to understanding and mastery;” builds a strong relationship; shares a common interest; accommodates a measure of opposition; is willing to reveal vulnerability; and holds students to high standards.

Alongside the academic program, schools must also reconsider advisory, counseling, and co-curricular programs with boys in mind. Schools must provide the space, instruction, and practice so that boys can develop a wide-ranging emotional vocabulary to both understand themselves better and communicate their feelings more effectively. For boys of all ages, we should constructively channel their high activity level and give them positive ways to express it. 

These are the first steps in a journey to help boys identify and create what Reeves calls “a prosocial masculinity.” Kindlon and Thompson suggest several concrete strategies for formulating this identity: Talk to boys in ways that honor their pride; be direct with them; cast them as partners in problem-solving; teach them emotional courage; use discipline to build character, not to alienate or humiliate; model and practice emotional attachment; and teach boys that there are many ways to be a man. 

My journey into understanding the struggles boys are facing in schools today started from a personal place of concern for my son, but we should all be concerned for all our boys. Equipped with knowledge of the current state of boys and some strategies to point the way forward, I am confident that independent school educators can work together to change the story. As my children make their way through school, I hope they will tell me more stories about energetic, engaged, emotional, courageous, and awesome boys. 

Is Self-Discovery Effective Pedagogy

This week's article summary is The Seductive Appeal of Discovery Learning, and it provides an overview of the roots of progressive education. 

In a nutshell, progressive education trusts children’s innate curiosity as the catalyst of their learning. Contrast this belief with traditional education that emphasizes the importance of direct, explicit instruction from teachers.

Which is the better pedagogy, progressive or traditional?

We’re fortunate at Trinity in that we have always embraced the best of both progressive, child-centered teaching and traditional, teacher-directed learning.

From the progressive side, we recognize that student engagement is critical to their motivation for learning. We give our students time to explore and discover – sometimes directed by the teacher but other times trusting the child’s innate curiosity. From our experience, awe in the classroom, a subject of an earlier summary, can occur internally and externally.

From the traditional side, we recognize that children need to be directly taught certain concepts, skills, and procedures. Also, it’s the teacher’s responsibility to provide reinforcement opportunities to ensure new learning is firmly stored in students’ long-term memory.

I worked in a school that proudly defined itself as providing a rigorous, traditional education: the predominant pedagogy was teacher lecture, student note-taking, and written quizzes and exams to assess student learning.

I also worked in another school that proudly defined itself as providing a child-centered, progressive education: the common pedagogy was student exploration, problem-based learning, and focus on process over product.

I enjoyed teaching at both schools, but I always had the feeling that each one too rigidly adhered to a particular pedagogy: kids need variety.

So, as we are now settled into the school year, check yourself to see if you’re utilizing multiple pedagogical options to support your students being engaged and learning deeply!

Joe

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The historical roots of discovery learning are as follows:

The Romantic Ideal of Learning: Jean-Jacques Rousseau argued that children learn best when they interact with nature and engage in real-world experiences, exploration, and discovery. Educators and parents in this tradition believe children are naturally curious and are capable, in the right conditions, of constructing knowledge independently. This romanticized idea is deeply ingrained in educational thought and resists empirical challenges.

The Progressive Movement: John Dewey and others inspired a movement holding that learning should be student-centered and driven by children’s natural curiosity and democratic values – and critical of rote memorization and instruction in which students were seen as passive sponges. These ideas became deeply embedded in teacher education. Terms like ‘guide on the side’ vs. ‘sage on the stage’ were popularized, reinforcing the idea that teachers should step back. 

Anti-Authority Sentiment: Discovery learning is allied to cultural and philosophical mistrust of hierarchical control, centralized expertise, and imposed knowledge. Thought leaders like Paulo Freire and Ivan Illich portrayed traditional education as a means of social control, viewing teachers with suspicion and mistrust. From this perspective, explicit instruction became equated with indoctrination, while discovery learning was seen as a path to emancipation. In this cultural context, discovery learning isn’t just a teaching method. It becomes a symbol of freedom, self-determination, and resistance to authority. 

Cultural and Political Appeal: Self-directed learning resonates with the values of independence, creativity, innovation, personal growth, self-reliance, and breaking free of outdated traditions – values that are prized in western societies. This points to repositioning the teacher from authority figure to facilitator, with children constructing their own understanding rather than being told how the world works. 

All this explains the continuing appeal of discovery learning, yet this teaching method has not stood up well to educational research. Strong empirical evidence shows that explicit, teacher-guided instruction is better than discovery learning in three ways:

• It’s more effective – students learn more
• It’s more efficient – it takes less time and mental effort
• It’s more fulfilling – students feel successful and are motivated to learn more 

Given the research track record, why does discovery learning continue to have so much support? 

Overgeneralizing Success Stories: It’s true that some students thrive in a discovery-based learning environment, especially those who are already highly motivated and have a strong foundation of prior knowledge. But these students are not representative of the general student population, including many in under-resourced communities. 

Confirmation Bias: People tend to favor information that confirms their existing beliefs, expectations, and assumptions, while ignoring or downplaying evidence that contradicts them. This can happen when educators see some success with discovery-based approaches, selectively remembering those successes and overlooking things that didn’t work out as well. 

The Illusion of Understanding: While students are engaged and working hard with discovery learning, it can feel like they’re learning deeply, but they may be reaching incorrect solutions and buying into misconceptions. Students may feel like they get it because of the effort they’ve put in, and may be resistant to correction, even if they get timely feedback. 

The Constructivist Teaching Fallacy: It’s true that people learn best by integrating new information into their existing knowledge structures. But when teachers provide only minimal guidance, students may not have enough information to construct coherent knowledge.

The Appeal of Active Learning: Research shows that active learning enhances retention, but if students use trial and error to solve a problem, they may have no idea how they got there. Well-guided discovery and explicit instruction can still be highly interactive and engaging.

 Treating Students as Experts: The idea behind discovery learning is that since scientists and other experts work through discovery, students can learn that way too. But experts see the world differently than novices, bringing to bear extensive background knowledge and mental models that guide them as they wrestle with problems. Scientists do science and students learn science. 

Studies in cognitive science consistently demonstrate that students learn best when they’re first explicitly taught foundational concepts before engaging in problem-solving or exploration. Scaffolding and well-designed instructional sequences allow students to explore and apply knowledge meaningfully after they have been given the necessary tools. This doesn’t mean that learning should be passive. Well-designed instruction incorporates active engagement, inquiry, and critical thinking, but within a framework that provides necessary support.