Thank You for Another Great School Year!

This week's end-of-school-year article summary is Think Yourself Better: 10 Rules to Live By.

I always like to close the school year with an article on how we live our lives both inside and outside of school.

I consider myself very fortunate to have spent the majority of my career working in elementary and middle schools whose cultures are grounded in optimism, positivity, and growth.

I don’t know if I am an optimist by nature or that working in such uplifting environments has made me more positive. Yet, always seeing the positive and enjoying myself in my job and my personal life have been constants throughout my life.

The end of a school year is always exciting—with summer break tantalizingly near. I usually need the first days of summer to decompress, but then I inevitably find myself thinking and reflecting on the previous school year and then beginning to plan for next year. It’s this annual opportunity for fresh starts that has kept energizing me for the past 45 years.

When I was in college, my dad told me that whatever career I chose, he hoped my job gave me fulfillment. Even after roughly 7500 morning get-ups, I can honestly say that every day I have looked forward to coming to school.

I hope all of you are equally fulfilled in teaching and working in a school. Everyone likes the cuteness of puppies and kittens. But, of course, puppies and kittens grow up to be dogs and cats (and not everyone, including my wife, is an animal lover). I like to tell people that my job is so special because every year Trinity gets a new batch of puppies and kittens to educate!

Thank you for another spectacular and memorable year!

Joe

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The thing that separates human beings from other animals is our extraordinary capacity for complex, abstract thought. This is what has given rise to our diverse cultures, our scientific achievements, our ability to envisage the future and, hopefully, make it better than what has gone before.

But our imperfect minds have also generated terrible mistakes and dangerous ideologies. If we don’t know how to distinguish bad thinking from good, we can end up believing what we shouldn’t, and behaving in ways that are harmful to ourselves, to others, and to the planet.

Throughout history wise men and women have applied themselves to these problems in the service of their own development and that of humankind. Rather than start from scratch, why not draw on thousands of years of experience, and millions of hours of reflection and practice? Here is what some of the most powerful ideas that can help guide us how to think – and live – well.

• Be sincere

• Be charitable

• Be humble

• Keep it simple, but not simplistic

• Choose your words with care

• Be eclectic

• Think for yourself, not by yourself

• Seek clarity not certainty

• Pay attention

• Follow the mean

 

The Myth of the Perfect Parent

This week's article summary is  The Myth of the Perfect Parent is Driving Parents Nuts, and it’s a follow up to last week's summary on how parenting styles have changed over the past 40 years.

Certainly parenting today is different from past generations with the hectic pace of our lives, the ubiquity of technology, an on-demand society that encourages multi-tasking, and the need to keep pace with the exotic and varied experiences other parents provide for their children.

As last week’s article highlighted, while times change, kids’ needs don’t. Above all else, they need love, attention, and connection with others, particularly their parents.

As you’ll see in the article, today’s parents often feel they fall short when it comes to spending enough time with their kids.

During preplanning we talked about the key to happiness being the quality, not the quantity, of our friendships.

The same holds true to raising children: it’s the quality of the time we spend with them!

Joe

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Children may see their parents as superheroes, but moms and dads across America would gladly agree they’re far from perfect. In fact, American parents feel an average of 23 pangs of guilt in a single week over parenting decisions they feel weren’t quite up to standard.

From trying to keep their family eating healthy to planning activities to please everyone, 75% of parents today say they feel pressure to be “perfect.” And the urge to be a flawless parent comes from everywhere: friends, family, even online through social media.

As a result of these pressures, a new study that examined how parents rate their own parenting skills found that 25% find themselves second-guessing their decisions on a regular basis. With pressure comes stress, and the #1 reason parents feel guilt is for losing their temper.

With a third being so busy with work that they’ve missed their child’s activities, sports games, or teacher meetings, the results show that not being home enough is another top reason behind parental guilt.

Moms are more than twice as likely to feel bad about giving their kids too much screen time with electronics, nagging kids over chores, and not making enough home-cooked meals.

While the average parent cooks four meals per week, 70% say they would make home-cooked meals every day if they had the time – but realistically have only about 30 minutes to prepare meals on a school night.

63% of parents say something as simple as making a home-cooked dinner makes them feel like a supermom or superdad.

One in 3 parents treat their family to a special weekend meal or a trip to a restaurant to make up for some of that guilt.

Waking up early to serve their children a wholesome, nutritious breakfast also makes parents feel successful.

Six in 10 say they will try and serve a home-cooked meal every week night.

Parenting isn’t a one-size-fits-all strategy. Doing the best you can often is the best – and parents need to recognize and celebrate all the things they do well and give themselves permission to let go of some of the guilt and set more realistic expectations. Kids likely won’t remember the details of what was served for dinner, but rather the time spent together as a family.

For parents, social media has its drawbacks. One in 5 parents admits to competing with other parents on social media by posting photos and videos of their “happy” family.

However, older millennials and Gen-X parents say they’re more likely to experience inspiration and happiness from the social posts of other parents.

Younger millennials, however, are more likely to experience negative emotions such as guilt and jealousy. And parents who use Facebook experience the most guilt.

Sixty-two percent say that if they have something to be proud of when it comes to their parenting, they’ll likely post about it on social media.

Top 10 things parents feel guilty over:

• Losing my temper
• Not playing enough with my children
• Not being home enough
• Letting my children have too much screen time
• When I don’t feel like I’m being a good role model
• Not being able to take my children on more vacations or outings
• When I don’t have time to make home-cooked meals
• Not reading enough to and with my children
• Letting my kids eat junk food
• Working too much

Top five qualities that people think makes a ‘good’ parent

• Being present for my kids
• Being a good listener and giving good advice
• Being available to help with daily homework
• Attending all or most of my children’s academic, social and extracurricular activities
• Being able to take my children on vacation

 

Old Time Parenting

This week's article summary is I Parented Like It Was 1985--This Is What I Learned.

The author fondly remembers how her parents raised her in the 80s. Due to her parents’ hectic work schedules, she and her brother were often left to their own devices after school and on weekends.

The author as a parent in the 2020s allowed her kids the same kind of unsupervised freedom for a week, and her article is about what she learned from the experience.

While kids today have the same needs as kids in the 1980s, parenting norms have dramatically changed, in particular, how little unstructured, free time kids have today.

The author believes that social media has overly influenced her parenting and her need to provide the best experiences for her kids. As social media posts from others highlight -- and perhaps exaggerate -- the myriad experiences of their kids, parents today inevitably try to keep up by over-scheduling their own children with music lessons, sports, and other activities.

As we know, for kids to develop into healthy adults with well-honed executive function skills, they need time to themselves and with peers to figure out who they are and how to work effectively with others. Under adult supervision, kids often don’t have the opportunities to resolve disputes by themselves or to entertain themselves without technology.

I don’t think parents in the 1980s knew better than parents today, but they didn’t have the complication of dealing with today’s pressures to give their child everything. This is more fully explored in a new book called The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt who writes that parents today to their kids’ detriment under protect them in their virtual, online life yet over protect them in their real life. He poses solutions at the end of his book, but he also recognizes that true change must come from the collective, not just one parent.

Parenting today is definitely an upstream battle.

Joe

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My mom worked full-time while also going to law school. My dad worked as a civil engineer and traveled almost every week. My grandfather lived with us and watched over my brother and me when my parents weren’t home. He couldn’t get around much, so he stayed planted in a recliner perched in front of a tiny television in his room.

For the most part, my brother and I had immense freedom to wander our neighborhood and make our own decisions on how we would spend our free time.

My mom would drive us to school and we would take the bus home. My grandfather was usually sleeping when we got home, so we would raid the pantry for snacks, watch MTV, and then walk around the neighborhood looking for someone to play with. My best friend, Misty, lived across the street. Every day, I would cross the street (I rarely looked both ways) and ring her doorbell. “Can Misty come out to play?” Misty’s mom would let me inside, and we’d watch MTV or play Atari on her waterbed. When Misty and I found a VHS copy of Nightmare on Elm Street laying around, we watched it without anyone stopping us.

Eventually, I’d wander back home in time for dinner (which was always at 6:00 p.m. sharp), and I’d watched TV until bedtime. Ah, the ’80s!

My mom didn’t schedule playdates or activities to keep us occupied. That was up to us. That’s not to say my parents weren’t present. They were amazing parents—they did a lot and provided us with everything we needed (and sometimes wanted). But my brother and I had a particular kind of freedom that simply does not exist for kids today.

Parenting today is drastically different than it was in 1985. But perhaps it didn’t have to be, I thought to myself recently.

For one week, I decided to give my kids the freedom that I had when I was 7 years old (the same age as my son now). I would let them mediate their own fights, entertain themselves, forage for their own snacks, and give them full access to the TV—without parental locks.

With that in mind, I let the week commence. With the kids on summer break and me working from home, it was the perfect opportunity to let them—and myself—have more freedom. Both kids were very confused when I told them that I was not going to get in the middle of their arguments or plan the week for them. “Entertain yourselves,” I told them.

On the first day of the experiment, it rained heavily. We were stuck indoors, and the kids decided to watch TV for a very long time. I didn’t stop them, and after a while, they decided to turn it off on their own and ventured into the basement to play until dinnertime.

The second day, the weather was beautiful, and both kids played outside for hours. I told them not to cross the street and to stay within a two to three house perimeter. They obeyed, and I worked inside feeling guilty that I wasn’t watching them and panicking that someone would steal them. When my husband came home, he asked, “Where are the kids?”

“Outside,” I replied. “And you’re not watching them? It’s not safe!” I quickly ran outside to look for them. I couldn’t find them anywhere. My heart began to palpitate until I heard giggles from behind a bush two houses away. They were playing with the neighborhood kids and digging for bugs. They had created an entire bug city and were covered in mud.

The rest of the week progressed the same—me giving them freedom and then feeling immediate guilt and panic at doing so. I thought I would surely be arrested when, one day, I accompanied them to the park but instead of helping them navigate through the playground and play with them, I just sat on a faraway bench (out of sight sometimes) and let them be.

At the end of the week, I realized that three things were heavily dominating my thoughts: panic, guilt,  and comparison.

Panic at the constant dangers that are out there in the world and not wanting my kids to fall prey to them. I have to get over this constant fear that saturates every part of parenting. I vowed to no longer watch the evening news or Dateline.

Guilt that I am not being present and giving 100 percent of myself to them at all times. If I give them space, I’m not giving them all of me. If I give them all of me, I feel resentful, and then I feel guilty. It’s a constant cycle.

Comparing myself to other parents is my downfall. That parent reads to her kids for an hour every day! Some days, I skip the books altogether. This other mom makes treasure box adventures for her kids when they’re bored! I just tell my kids to clean their rooms. Instagram and Pinterest have made me privy to the perfect lives of other women, and I always feel like I’m behind the curve. I don’t have a fiddle leaf tree in my home or a dedicated playroom with chalk walls for my kids to be “creative.” Am I still doing OK?

I learned that I don’t have what it takes to parent like it’s 1985 because I care too much about what others think of me and how I parent. In 1985, my parents raised us the best they could and didn’t feel guilty about their decisions. My mom wasn’t comparing herself to Judy down the street nor did she feel bad that her home wasn’t dinner-party ready at all times. The only opinion that mattered in how she parented was her own. She didn’t have an Instagram page where she could read negative comments about how she did things.

I’m so happy to have grown up without social media because who knows how it would have permeated my mother’s mindset. Unlike my mother, I’m always sizing myself up against other moms and always come to the conclusion that I’m falling short in some way or another. So, I try harder. And when I’ve reached the point where I think I’m doing amazing, there is always someone doing better and splashing their highlight reel on social media, so I try harder again.

In order to parent like it’s 1985, I must stay off social media and regain the burgeoning confidence I once had in myself. I need to not care about other’s opinions and truly look inward if I want to end the cycle of panic, guilt, and comparison.

Educational Beliefs Not Backed by Research

This week's article summary is 5 Popular Education Beliefs That Aren't Backed By Research.

I enjoy articles that refute long-standing educational beliefs, especially ones I believed and used.

There’s been much research over the past 25 years on how our brains work and how we learn. One important understanding is how limited our short-term memory is. Consequently, to learn something new, we need to be attentive and focused. Any internal or external distraction can inhibit learning.

Many of the studies below illustrate what we believe are boosts to learning are often impediments, like doodling (a habit of mine) and background music in the classroom (I used to play classical music during free reading time).

Learning also requires motivation and persistence. Some common classroom strategies like oral reading and even grades can decrease student motivation and increase anxiety.

Clearly, cognitive scientists have uncovered much about how we best learn (Daniel Willingham, quoted in this article, is perhaps the most renowned), yet we teachers need to keep examining if the tried-and-true strategies we employ are really effective.

Joe

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Not every learning myth requires teachers to pull up stakes and start all over again. There are some commonly held misconceptions that contain a nugget of wisdom but need to be tweaked in order to align with the science of learning.

Sometimes, in other words, you’re already halfway there. Here are five myths that educators can quickly adjust and turn to their advantage.

DOODLING IMPROVES FOCUS AND LEARNING: When we write about the power of drawing to learn, we often hear from readers who feel compelled to defend an old habit: “See, I told you that when I was doodling, I was still paying attention!” But doodling—which is commonly defined as “an aimless or casual scribble or sketch” is distinct from what researchers call “task-related drawing.” And doodling, in this sense, is not associated with improvements in focus or academic outcomes. In fact, both cognitive load theory and experimental studies are generally downbeat on doodling. Students who sketch complicated scenes or designs as they try to process a lesson on plate tectonics are engaging in competitive cognitive tasks and will generally underperform on both. Doodling, like all drawing, is cognitively intensive, involving complex feedback loops between visual, sensorimotor, attentional, and planning regions of the brain and body. Because our ability to process information is finite, drawing and learning about different things at the same time is a simple question of too much.

How to fix it: Sketching what you are actually learning—from representational drawings of cells or tectonic boundaries to the creation of concept maps and organizational drawings—is, in fact, a powerful learning strategy and that applies “regardless of one’s artistic talent.” Try to harness a student’s passion for doodling by allowing them to submit academic sketches as work products. To get even more bang for your buck, ask them to annotate their drawings, or talk you through them—which will encode learning even more deeply.

READING ALOUD IN TURN IMPROVES FLUENCY: Often called round robin reading (RRR), teachers deploy RRR—during which the whole class follows a text while students read sections consecutively—for good reasons: Arguably, the practice encourages student engagement, gives teachers the opportunity to gauge oral reading fluency, and has a built-in classroom management benefit as well. Students are generally silent and (superficially) attentive when a peer is reading. But there is no research evidence that supports the claim that RRR actually contributes to students becoming better readers, either in terms of their fluency or comprehension. RRR also has the unfortunate effects of stigmatizing struggling readers, exposing new readers to dysfluent modeling, and failing to incorporate meaningful comprehension strategies. 

How to fix it: Reading out loud is necessary to teach fluency, but there are better methods. Pairing kids together to read sections of the text aloud to each other (partner reading) is a good approach, especially if teachers circulate to listen for problems. More generally, reading strategies that model proper reading speed, pronunciation, and affect—while providing time for vocabulary review, repeated exposure to the text, and opportunities to summarize and discuss—can improve both fluency and comprehension.

TALENT BEATS PERSISTENCE: It’s a common trap: Observers tend to rate people who appear to be naturally gifted at something more highly than those who admit they’ve worked hard to achieve success. Researchers call this the naturalness bias. In reality, the opposite is more often true. Popular lore tells us that genius is born, not made. Scientific research, on the other hand, reveals that true expertise is mainly the product of years of intense practice and dedicated coaching. Experimental studies extend the point to academics: An influential 2019 study found that high school GPA is a better predictor than the SAT of how likely students are to complete college on time. That’s because grades are a very good index of your self-regulation—your ability to stick with things, your ability to regulate your impulses, your ability to delay gratification and work hard instead of goofing off.

How to fix it: All kids—even the ones who already excel in a discipline—benefit when teachers emphasize the importance of effort, perseverance, and growth. Consider praising students for their improvement instead of their raw scores; have students read about and then discuss the idea of neural plasticity; and consider assigning reports on the mistakes and growing pains of accomplished writers, scientists, and artists. Try to incorporate rough-draft thinking in class, and think about taking risks yourself.

BACKGROUND MUSIC (ALWAYS) UNDERMINES LEARNING: It’s a fascinating and complex question: Can students successfully learn while background music is playing? In some cases, it appears, background music can be a neutral to positive influence; in other scenarios, it’s clearly distracting. There are several factors at play in determining the outcomes. Because music and language use some of the same neural circuitry, listening to lyrics of a familiar language may rely on the same cognitive resources as vocabulary learning, and that can lead to an overload of processing capacity and thus to an interference effect. Other features of the music probably matter, too: dramatic changes in a song’s rhythm, for example, or transitions from one song to the next often force the learning brain to reckon with irrelevant information. Studies show that background music has a small but reliably detrimental effect on reading comprehension. In some cases, however, music may aid learning. Catchy melodies, for example, can boost a student’s mood—which might lead to significant positive effects on learning when motivation and concentration are paramount.

How to fix it: Basically, “music has two effects simultaneously that conflict with one another,” cognitive psychologist Daniel Willingham says—one distracting and the other arousing. “If you’re doing work that’s not very demanding, having music on is probably fine”—and likely to motivate students to keep going, In those cases, try to stick to music that’s instrumental or familiar, in order to decrease the cognitive resources needed to process it. “But if you’re doing work that’s just somewhat difficult, the distraction is probably going to make music a negative overall,” Willingham adds.

GRADES ARE MOTIVATING: Teachers are well aware that grading, as a system, has many flaws—but at least grades motivate students to try their hardest, right? Unfortunately, the research suggests that that’s largely not the case. “Despite the conventional wisdom in education, grades don’t motivate students to do their best work, nor do they lead to better learning or performance,” write motivation researcher Chris Hulleman. A recent study revealed that when confronted by grades, written feedback, or nothing at all—students preferred the latter two to grades, suggesting that A–F rankings might actually have a net negative impact on motivation. Another study showed grades enhance anxiety and avoidance of challenging courses but don’t improve student motivation. Providing students with specific, actionable feedback, on the other hand, promotes trust between instructors and students, leading to greater academic ambition.

How to fix it: While grades are still mandatory in most schools—and some form of rigorous assessment remains an imperative—educators might consider ways to de-emphasize them. Some teachers choose to drop every student’s lowest grade; allow students to retake a limited number of assessments each unit; or periodically give students the discretion to turn in their best work from a series of related assignments.